Oh my God I just had sex. With three different girls. Lauryn is going to kill me. I'm high, I'm tired and I seriously think my dick is going to fall off. Oh my God.
I guess it started after our forth round of pot, I started making out with Michelle. I always had a strange attraction to Michelle, probably because I've known her so long. I knew exactly what I was doing; I was trying to forget myself. It worked at the time, but now it just made everything worse.
So now I sit in the girls' room. The three of them are asleep, I'm in the bed with Michelle (she was last) and I'm completely bashing myself. I don't do drugs, I stopped having sex with random people at various times and all together. Well, we didn't have a foursome or whatever, even though that would have been fun.
I got out of the bed and got dressed. I reeked of pot and sex. I just hope Lauryn was asleep. I walked across the hall to my room. I peered inside; Lauryn was still asleep. Thank God. I looked at the time. It was late in the night. I could probably take a shower and it wouldn't be too early. I'm not tired. I'll just check on Lauryn.
I climbed onto the bed, and before I knew it, I was asleep. When I woke up, Lauryn was awake. I sat up�not a good idea. I fell back down on the bed and rolled onto the floor. "Oh God," I muttered.
"Good morning, sunshine," she said. "Get off the floor, sweetie." I slowly sat up and leaned against the dresser. What time is it? Can I go back to sleep? I could look at my watch, look at the clock, or ask Lauryn. Eh...they all required too much energy. I'll just sit here until I find the energy to get up. Damn, I have to pee. Can I make it to the bathroom? I glanced over. Nope. As I looked back to Lauryn, I found myself slowly sliding. Sliding? Huh? I continued to slide and I fell on the ground with a resounding "Uff�"
"Zac? What's wrong with you?" Lauryn asked, walking over and seeing me on the ground. "You are acting so pathetic. What is your problem?" Obviously she's never seen me coming off a high before.
"Can I go back to sleep?" I asked.
"No, you can't. Get up off the floor! You did something last night that you're not telling me about. Where'd you go? I know you didn't go to sleep when I did." Her voice was like a thousand needles piercing my brain. I put my hands over my head, groaning.
"Please don't talk anymore," I said. She was going to whine. I knew it. But before she could the door opened.
"Where's Zac?" Isaac asked. Lauryn huffed and sat down. I raised my hand over the bed and waved. "Zac? What are you doing on the floor?" He walked over and looked down at me.
"Hi," I said. Isaac leaned in and looked at my eyes. "What?"
"You're high! Goddammit Zac, I though you stopped doing that!" Isaac said, completely disappointed. "Whatever possessed you to do drugs again?"
"I didn't do anything," I said, and began to crawl to the bathroom. I hate lying but I'm just so damn good at it!
"I don't believe you." Well, maybe I'm not so good at it. "You're high. How much did you smoke last night?" Okay, maybe I suck at it. Whatever. I'm still not going to admit it. I crawled into the bathroom and closed the door. "Do you actually think you can take a shower by yourself?"
"I'm fine. Go away!" I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. Yeah, I look like shit. I forced myself to take a shower, which would have been fun to watch. I tried to clean myself while leaning against the wall.
Afterwards, Lauryn made me go out and get breakfast. As I went out into the hall, overall feeling better than I did when I woke up, I saw Nic coming out of Taylor's room.
"Hey," I called, surprising myself with my sudden amount of guts. "Where you going?" She seemed as surprised as I was by my question, but responded.
"I was going to find a McDonald's and get some breakfast. How about you?"
"I was actually going there too. Do you know where there is one?" I knew she didn't but I figured I would ask anyway. She shook her head. "All right. I'm taking you there."
"No, I'll find it." I shook my head. She'd never be able to find it and get back. "Give me more credit than that."
"You'll find it, I'm sure," I lied, trying to reassure her. "You just don't find your way back. I live here. I know what I'm doing. You're coming with me."
"Well, I guess I'm coming with you."
"How were you planning on getting there anyway?" I asked, walking to the elevators. She jingled the keys in her hand. Whose keys were those?
"I was going to take Tay's car." Tay? What the hell? All of a sudden she's dating him and calling him Tay and taking his car? He never lets anyone touch his car, much less drive it.
"Tay? He actually lets you call him Tay?" She nodded. Taylor only lets his family call him that. I remember Amber once tried to call him that (she had a thing for nicknames) and he freaked out. He must desperately in love with her, because he would not let her call him that otherwise. "Damn! He didn't even let Amber call him that, and he loved her to no end." I still can't believe this. He was so smitten over Amber, I never thought he'd be able to get over her. She adored her, loved her, so much. I seriously thought they were going to get married. But he had to take Nic, my Nic. I turned back to Nicole. "And he actually lets you take his car?"
"Yes."
"Damn," I said again. "No one even touches his car, let alone drive it anywhere. He must really take a shine to you."
"I guess so." She shrugged.
I sighed. "Then again, it's not very hard to. There's something about you that's irresistible." Why did I say that? She's going to take that the wrong way! Oh, no.
"It's part of my charm." I looked at her. At least she didn�t take it the wrong way. As I looked at her, I noticed something different.
"You're not wearing your flannel."
"No, I'm not." I smiled. She looked so good, and I couldn�t do a thing with it. I loved how she held herself with those clothes. She most definitely works out during the year because her stomach's very trim. She changed her jeans, they're not baggy anymore. They're still loose, hanging on her hips, but they fit. They flared out at the bottom, not too much but enough to accent her legs. Now this was a girl with curves, unlike Lauryn who's just top heavy.
We went downstairs to the car. I opened the door for Nic before getting behind the wheel. Okay, was it me or did this car smell like weed? I saw Nic nervously shifting and letting the window down. Yeah, it was the car.
"I'm sorry if I'm being redundant," I said, after pulling onto the road, "but I could never picture you and Taylor as a couple."
"Now you know how I feel."
"What's so wrong with Lauryn?"
"What's so wrong with Taylor? If you can date her, I can date him." I tried to pay attention to the road, but I found it hard to concentrate.
"I-I just don't get it." It wasn't logical! It wasn't right! Her and Taylor�that was just so stupid. They didn't go together. "But nevermind. I shouldn't say anything. It's your life, and I have no part in it anymore." It was true, but it really wasn't going to stop anything.
I noticed how uncomfortable she was around me. Gripping Taylor's keys for dear life, I realized she probably wanted to be anywhere but here. "I found out there's a symphony in Salt Lake City when we have a night off. I asked Lauryn already, but she's not interested. I know you are, so do you want to go?"
Did I just ask her to go with me? I lied when I said I asked Lauryn, but she wouldn�t want to go anyway. I'd ask her when I got home, even if I knew the answer.
"Sure. I'd love to."
"All right, it's a date then," I said. I realized what I said and made a face. "I mean, great."
"When is it?"
"In about three days."
"Okay. I'm looking forward to it."
"I don't understand why Lauryn didn't want to go," I said. I'm lying. Why am I lying? I have absolutely no reason to lie. "It's a symphony. It's about as romantic as a date can get. She likes movies and dinner at a restaurant." Why the hell am I lying? I'm so full of bullshit...maybe I just felt like I needed to say something.
"That's so boring. At least we used to go to fun places." I nodded, lightly sighing.
"Yeah, well there's no we anymore," I said. An uncomfortable silence fell between us, like it'd been doing a lot lately. I pulled up to a McDonald's and got our food. After a debate on who should pay, I won and we left.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked.
"Sure."
"Are you happy with Taylor?"
"As happy as I can be." Yeah, that's what I figured. She was head over heels in love with him.
"All right." I let it drop with that.
Two days later was our first show of the tour. I don't know why we went through all that when our first show wasn't for two days, but I'm not in charge here.
I missed performing. It was the only thing that helped me. Music and my drums are everything to me. I live to perform, to be in front of people, and to give them everything I have for three hours straight. I love what I do, even if I spoiled my childhood for it, I love what I do.
I twirled my drumsticks in my fingers and I sat next to Lauryn. I was dying to just pound away on my drums, to get out all the tension that's been building the past few days. With Nic, all I wanted to do was play, but I never had the opportunity.
I looked up, finding Nic talking to Taylor in front of me. She was smiling, her eyes dancing with humor. Taylor was trying got get out of whatever they were talking about, but he was smiling along with her. Suddenly, he pressed his lips against hers. I took in a quick breath. I've never even seen them together, and now they're kissing. Goddammit.
How cute, I thought, looking at the two of them. They can be anorexic together. I know it's not true. They both of them can out eat me, but they're incredibly skinny. Taylor being a heroin addict for so long had lost a lot of weight from it, and he's nothing but skin and bones now. Nic, having been in rehab for a while, was just as skinny. They're so perfect for each other I could puke. Seriously.
"Baby? Are you okay?" Lauryn asked. She was starting to get on my nerves. She couldn't stand to be without me, and it's so annoying. I mean I know I'm irresistible and dead sexy, but come on. I'm really starting to regret taking her on this tour.
"I'm fine," I said, harshly. She made a face, but right now I could care less if I was bitter.
"Do you want a drink or something?" she asked. I knew she meant water or something of that sort, but for some reason my mind turned to alcohol.
"God, yes." But instead of having her get it, I got up myself and found the cooler with the beer. I hate beer, I think it tastes disgusting. Taylor always said it was an acquired taste. Well it's been how many years now and I still don't like it. Oh well, I'll do about anything to drown out my pain.
I grabbed a beer and poured in into a plastic cup. I needed to get away from Lauryn, even just for a little bit. I looked around Nic was sitting at a table by herself. Hmm...
"Hey," I said, sitting across from her. She looked up, I guess still surprised that we were talking again. "We still on for the symphony tomorrow night? I haven't checked with Taylor, I just went out on a limb and asked you."
"No, he said it was fine. He was actually pretty glad we're talking again," she said. That was good�the last thing I needed was Taylor throwing his iron fist down on me doing this. "You know I don't have anything nice to wear."
"Then tomorrow we'll go out and get you something nice to wear. I'm sure there's somewhere around here that can sell you a dress."
"No. We're not going," she said. "I'm going. If you go, you'll insist on buying the dress for me. I do have money, you know. I can buy my own dress." That was stupid. I'm offering to buy a dress for her and she's telling me no! She's so confusing!
"But I invited you. You shouldn't have to buy anything for something I invited you to." She shrugged. What does that mean? Does that mean I can buy it for her?
"I need a dress anyway." Um, I guessing that's a no?
"I just don't feel right about it, Nic. I invited you. I should buy your dress." Did I respond right?
"I'm probably going to buy an expensive one. And I don't want you blowing your money on me when you could be blowing it on something else. Like yourself; your girlfriend. I'm just a friend."
"I'm buying your dress." I took a sip of my beer and immediately made a face. I hate beer.
"No you're not! I'm not going to tell you when I'm going to buy it. I'll leave when you're still asleep and buy it myself."
"Why are you so against me buying you things? It's just more money for you and a new dress you didn't have to pay for."
"Well why are you so insistent on buying a dress for me?"
"I asked you first." She groaned. "Just let me buy you a dress, Nicole."
"You're buying her a dress too?" Lauryn asked. I sat back and rolled my eyes. My God, could she just leave me alone for ten minutes? "I want a dress."
"Well you didn't want to go with me to the symphony, so there's no reason for me to buy you a one. Nic is going with me now. She doesn't have a nice outfit to wear. Since I invited her, I don't feel right for her to buy a dress."
"So I didn�t want to go to some people playing instruments for a few hours." I felt Nic's gaze on me. She had a good retort to that, I knew it.
"Then why are you here?" she asked. "All they do is music." I saw a look cross Lauryn's face. I knew that look. That popped up when she was being ditzy.
"Well..." she stopped, looked at me, then walked away. I groaned and put my head down on the table. I could so hurt her sometimes. How could one person be such a snob? Ugh, can I get rid of her yet?
"Thank God you're going with me. I don't think I can handle her whining about the symphony while we're there. I don't think I could handle her whining at all!"
"I think someone needs a break." Bingo. Leave it to Nic to know exactly what I'm thinking. Damn, she's so good at this.
"That's another reason I want to go get your dress. Tomorrow I just want to take a break from her." Why did I just say that? I don't even know if she's around and oh I'm making an idiot out of myself...
"I can imagine what you'll be like in a few weeks. We've only been here for two or three days."
"I shouldn't have invited her." Goddammit, Zac!
"Why did you?" Nic asked.
"I hadn't seen her in a while," I said, picking my head up. It'll be better when I could actually see what's going on around me. "I wanted to spend time with her. But no, we're just spending too much time together. I don't want to offend her and stick her in the girls' room, but I'm going to have to."
"I'm sure if you say it's too much she'll understand." Maybe I could, get her off my back for a while.
"Are you sure?"
"I guess."
"I'll ask her later. It'll be nice to be alone for a while." Nic looked away. I'm sure being alone would have it's advantages, but then again, Lauryn would go in the girls' room. With the drugs. Now I know she's never been exposed to that before. I couldn't ever force her to live with three girls who do nothing but get high all the time. Maybe I need a break, or maybe I'm just really confused.
"Showtime, boys." Who keeps saying that? I've been touring with the same people for how long now, and I have yet to figure out who says that. Whoever says it, says it the same way every time. Okay, that's my mission this summer. Get Nic back and find out who says that. No! Just find out who says that! I get so weird after I start to drink. Oh my God I suck at holding alcohol. I can't do it. One beer and I'm tipsy. I'm not laugh you ass off funny tipsy, but I get incoherent. I can still perform, but try to talk to me and I'm just mumbling.
I finished my beer and grabbed my drumsticks before running off to the side of the stage. Isaac and Taylor were there, waiting for me. "Dude, are you all right?" Taylor asked. I nodded. "If you can't go out there, tell me now."
"I'm one hundred percent A-OK," I slurred, then smiled and ran out on the stage. I waved to the audience, as did my brothers (who were a little late on getting out here) and go behind my drums. I really missed my drums. They're my reason for staying in the music biz. I remember when I used to be able to see over them, and now I towered over them. That made me realize something. I need a bigger drum set.