I walked into the girls' room the next day. I had permission from Nic to leave the room without her and I had something in mind. I've been dying to do this since the tour started. When we got to Chicago, I had too many things on my mind and then the whole heart attack thing happened. Now that I'm home and I can move about a bit better than I used to, I could do what I planned on doing.
"Michelle," I said, hanging onto both sides of the doorframe. "You ready?" I'd spoken with her earlier today about what we were going to do and she seemed up to it. She nodded and ran over to me, kissing my cheek before brushing past me into the hallway. "You know, if you damage that car a lot of people are going to be mad at you."
She giggled. "Zac, I know how to drive."
"I don't know, I've never been in a car with you driving before." She giggled again, grabbing onto my hands as we walked to the elevators. I love Michelle. Her company is just so enjoyable. I live to tease her. If I go too far, she lets me know and I back off, but most of the time I'm teasing her to death. I do it because I love her so much and frankly, I don't know how to act around her. I mean just yesterday I got back together with Nic, something I've been dying to do since we broke up a year ago, and now I'm here romping around with Michelle.
We left the hotel and went to the car. Michelle got behind the wheel and turned on the ignition. As she carefully pulled out of the space, I laughed. "Shut up! I need to concentrate."
"How exactly did you get your license?"
"Stop it, Zac. I'm a good driver." She jumped the curb and I laughed again. "Zac!"
"I'm sorry. I'll stop." She pulled out onto the road and I couldn't tear the smile from my face. She looked so serious. Well, for a sucky driver, she did a pretty good job getting us to our destination. She pulled up to the rickety old house and got out of the car. We walked hand in hand to the door, which was where I had second thoughts. Why am I here? Before I could turn around and run, she had knocked on the door and someone was coming.
Amber's mom opened the door and was overjoyed to see the two of us. "Zac! I haven't seen you in forever!" I gave her a hug. I'd only met Amber's mom a few times, back when Amber and I were dating, but she was such a welcoming person it was hard not to like her. Which was the complete opposite of her daughter, by the way.
"Hi Mom," I said. She was one of the few mothers I'd met that actually wanted me to call her Mom.
She looked to Michelle. "And you brought Michelle? I should have known." When I'd met her, I'd always had Michelle with me. It seemed I was with Michelle more than with Amber when we were going out. "How are you doing?"
"Actually, I'm not too well," I said.
"Well, come in and tell me everything." The both of us stepped inside the house and Amber's mom closed the door behind us.
"Well, last week I had a heart attack." She turned around, surprised.
"A heart attack? Honey, you shouldn't even be here," she said.
"I wanted to see Amber. We're going home tomorrow and I won't be able to see her otherwise. She's not in any condition to come see me, so I just figured I should see her."
"Well, I'll let you go see her so you can go back home and rest." She led us back to Amber's room. Since Amber had her overdose, they had to sell their home to pay for her medical bills. The family was well off, but their insurance wasn't wonderful and they had to pay the entire medical fee themselves. I'm sure within a few months they can get their home back, especially with how much her father makes, but for right now all they could afford to live in was this house.
We went into Amber's room. She looked up when we entered and the look of shock on her face almost made me wonder if her heart was going to stop again. "Hey," I said. She got up and hugged me. "I missed you."
"I missed you too." She pulled away, looking up at me. "What are you doing here? How come you're not in another city by now?"
"Let's sit down first," I said. I was getting tired standing up. If I didn't sit down, I'd fall asleep right there. Michelle busied herself on Amber's computer (she'd been here enough times in her life to feel welcome). Amber and I sat down on her bed. Amber pulled her knees to her chest, listening intently. "I had a heart attack last week."
"How did you manage that?" she asked, shaking her head.
"Too much cocaine in my system," I admitted.
"Since when have you done cocaine?" she asked. "You were always a hallucinogen person. LSD and stuff."
"It was the only thing that I knew would work. And since I'm not a cocaine person, I didn't know how much was too much and my heart stopped."
"Well I knew how much was too much when I had my problem, I just didn't care. You know me and my heroin." Michelle snorted from across the room. We both looked over. She noticed and bit her lip.
"Sorry. I'm not here."
"How are you doing besides that?" Amber asked, lightly hitting me in the arm. "I heard about some Lauryn chick that Nic was so envious over."
"Lauryn's gone. I sent her back home. See, Nic spent the week in the hospital with me and we recently got back together."
"You two got back together?" Amber asked. "So it worked?" I looked at her blankly.
"What worked?" Her eyes grew and she turned to her pillow, not saying anything. "Amber Christine Brown, what aren't you telling me?"
"Nothing. It's nothing. So, you're back together with Nic? How long will that last before you screw it up again?"
"I did not screw it up!" I said. "And you didn't answer my question. You know you can't avoid it, Amber, I'll get it out of you before I leave so you better tell me now before I have to get out the feathers and tickle it out of you." She huffed and looked at me.
"Taylor and Nic were never really going out."
"What? Yes they were."
"Come on, Zac. You're so gullible. You'd believe anything if a pretty face told you. Taylor and Nic never really went out. They pretended that they did so it wouldn't seem obvious that they were breaking you and Lauryn apart. Taylor and I did it to try to break you and Nic apart but the only difference was that theirs actually worked. Taylor and I fell in love before we could do anything."
"What do you mean you did it too? I thought you two were really dating!"
"After a while we were, but in the beginning we weren't. In the beginning I wanted you back and Taylor had a thing for Nic. Then after spending so much time together, we started having feelings for each other and the whole plan just went down the drain. The same thing happened with Taylor and Nic. He's always liked her but he went along with it so she could be happy and he could indirectly be with her. After a while he fell desperately in love with her and she did have some feelings back towards him but wanted you more. They kept the whole charade going but soon it wasn't much of a charade anymore until, I'm guessing, your heart attack where she finally realized who she wanted to be with and decided to let Taylor go."
"I can't believe this. Michelle, is this true?" I asked, turning to her. She looked at Amber, then back at me.
"Yeah. Rachel found out and she told me. It's true. They never really were together until he fell for her and she started to fall for him. I can tell you this, Amber, expect a call from Taylor soon cause he's heartbroken. Zac, you didn't hear that."
"How could all this happen and I didn't know?" I asked.
"Zac, I told you," Amber said. "You're gullible. If you look back on it, I'm sure it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Just try not to think about it."
"How can I not think about it? I was devastated when I found out they were together and...oh my God! I worried myself sick when I caught Taylor and Lauryn together! I fucking gave myself a heart attack because I was worried over Nic finding out and they weren't really together? I nearly died and they weren't really together?" I yelled. All this was too much for me. How could they do this to me? I was so worried about her and I did all those drugs for her and I nearly died for her and everything was a sham anyway.
I fell forward onto Amber's bed, burying my face in her pillow. I couldn't believe this. My life had almost ended and I have to watch myself for the rest of my existence, I have to do all this shit for the rest of my life and all of it was in vain. I felt like crying. I could care less about crying in front of Michelle, she'd understand why I was crying. But I wasn't quite sure about crying in front of Amber. I might be subject to ridicule for the rest of the afternoon.
"Zac, it's best that you knew anyway. Sure it'd be a lot better if you knew a week ago, but you needed to know," Amber said. I took my head out of the pillow and looked at her. She was lying next to me. It was weird to look at her from this angle. We hadn't been like this in years. "Try to go easy on Nic. She really loved him towards the end, and for all I know, she could have been really affected by it anyway."
"I just don't know if I can trust her again. She lied to me about the drugs, that was bad enough, but then she goes ahead and completely deceives me by doing this with Taylor. I mean I can understand you doing it. You're Amber. You're known for deceit. But Nic? It just doesn't seem like her."
"I'm sorry. I probably rubbed off on her."
"No, it's not your fault." I sighed. "Then again, I'm not so good either. I slept with Nic, Michelle, Taurii and Rachel and Lauryn didn't do a thing about but the moment I catch her with Taylor, I end up having a heart attack."
"I think it was because she was with Taylor," Amber said. "You and Taylor have never gotten along. He's always ended up with the girls you date, whether they like it or not." I looked away. "Listen, Zac, I know Taylor more than I know myself. He's my best friend and I know why he acts the way he does. He's jealous of you. You always seem to get the girl he wants first and the only way he can get them is to steal them from you. You're charismatic and your place is with the girls. All of us, we're your best friends. He doesn't have anyone like that. Since the three of you stopped even considering yourselves brothers, he was all alone. Isaac had Darling and you had your girls. He really needed someone like me to come along and now that I couldn't be with him this year, he was even more alone. So he ended up stealing two girls from you. But all he wants is to be you. On top of the girls you have and your way with them, he couldn't make that single successful and you sang it once and it became the best hit of your career. Everyone knows that song. Everybody has your album. It was just another hit on his ego. No wonder he wants to quit."
"He told you about that?" I asked. Taylor didn't seem to be feeling that way anymore, at least not when he was talking to me.
"Honey he tells me everything. He tells me more than Rachel does."
"That's hard to believe." This was so weird. I was actually enjoying myself with Amber. I vowed to myself a year ago I'd never speak to her again but here I am, on her bed even, having an in depth conversation with her. I never thought I'd be able to talk to her like this even though I'd always wanted to. Amber and I had a really nice relationship before everything got so messed up. She's really a great friend and a wonderful person if she's not scheming against you. This is the part that she got from her mother, but her father was just as manipulative as she could be. "You know I never loved anyone as much as I loved you," I told her, looking back at her.
"No, I think you love Michelle a little more." I smiled. "I always loved you. I just found a kindred spirit in Taylor and he's got a way to get anyone in bed with him. I never meant to hurt your relationship with Nic, even though I did. But back then drugs controlled everything."
"Are you clean now?" She nodded, smiling proudly. "That's wonderful. I'm so proud of you. I only wish I could be like you and get over it."
"It was really hard, but I had a problem and I needed to stop. If I didn't stop, I'd end up killing myself. I had too much to live for." I looked over at Michelle, who didn't seem to be listening to our conversation. I lowered my voice just in case.
"You know Michelle's really addicted. Mom's sending the girls back home and won't let them come back because she's afraid that I might start using again. I don't agree with her but I know that's the only way she can think of solving the problem. I don't know what I'm going to do without them there."
"Well when's it all going to start up again?"
"When I get well enough to play again."
"I think by the time you're well enough to play, I'll be well enough to come. Do you want me to? I could stay with Taylor. I'm drug free and I'm not about to start again."
"I don't know. Are you going to try to break up me and Nic again?" I asked, smiling. She shook her head. "Then by all means, come. I'm sure Taylor could use the company."
"But Zac, tell me. How long are you going to bullshit around with Nic before you realize it's not going to work out?"
"Amber�"
"No I'm serious. This is the clean and sober, I don't want to get back together with you Amber talking here. I mean Zac; you've got Michelle right there. You two are destined to be together. She's in love with you; you've been in love with her since you were toddlers. Why all this commotion with Nic when you've got her? All the signs are pointing away from Nic and to her."
"Amber, just let me have my stint with Nic, okay? I know we're not going to last. I know we're going to break up eventually. Maybe even soon. I just want to get Nic out of my system before I try anything with Michelle. If I don't do this, down the line I might mess it up with Michelle because I wasn't over Nic yet."
"Are you sure you're doing the right thing?"
"I know I'm doing the right thing. Yeah I love Michelle but I've had so many problems with relationships, I want to make the one I have with her right. Well, the second one. The first one didn't turn out so great. But the second one I'm going to make perfect."
"Okay. Just as long as you realize what you're doing."
"I know what I'm doing. And I'm flattered that you care about my well-being."
"Fuck your well-being," she said, snorting. "I care about hers!"
"Funny." I rolled over and threw the pillow at Michelle. I might as well bug her if I was going to talk about her. She got mad.
"Dammit Zac you made me die! I've never gotten this far in this game before!" She threw the pillow back at me. I caught it and stuck my tongue out at her. She sneered. "God you�re so annoying."
"It's just because I love you Michelle."
"No, it's just you trying to make up for it so I won't leave you here."
"That too." She flicked me off.
"Fuck you."
"Later. I'm too tired right now." Her sneer went away and she smiled. She always loved it when I did that. "I'll pencil you in around eight. I think I have time for a quickie in between Nic and Amber here."
"Who said anything about you being with me?" Amber asked. I laughed.
"Okay. It's a date," Michelle said, and turned back to her game.
"Oh, come on, Amber. You know you want to score with the Zac-Man before I leave town."
"Yeah, because I'm sure you have so much energy, Zac. You look ready to crash right now. You couldn't handle me. You'd fall asleep before you even get your clothes off."
"True." I was tired. I still don't have very much energy, and walking from the hotel to the car and the car to this room and talking to Amber drained me completely of my energy. I wouldn't be surprised if I fell asleep right here on her bed. Of course, lying down didn't help my situation either.
"So does that mean we're not on for tonight?" Michelle asked.
"No, babe, I'm saving all my energy for you." I winked at her. And knowing Michelle and me as well as I did, we'd play the joke all day long until we actually did end up having sex with each other and then laughing about it because we're so damn stupid. I made sure to conserve my energy, just in case today was one of those days.
"You know if you and Nic don't make it until you get better," Amber said, whispering to me again so Michelle wouldn't hear, "you could have Michelle be your roommate. Mom can't send her home if she's your roommate."
"She'd try."
"But she couldn't. You're always allowed to have a roommate." I shrugged. It seemed like a good idea. But I didn't know if I'd be able to get away with it. "I'm really glad you came over. I don't know if I could go a whole tour without seeing you."
"I don't think I could either."
"Are we friends again? You better not be still mad at me, because that would spoil the whole idea of you coming over."
"No, we're friends again." I reached over and took her hand. Now what to tell Nic when I got home?
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Index