The next day I found myself back in the girls' room, but the circumstances were quite different. Mom had finally told them that they weren't coming back. They were going to leave first. It'd still be a day or two after that before we'd leave, but Mom wanted them gone as soon as possible.
I walked into the girls' room. Michelle looked up and ran over, flinging her arms around me. "So you've heard huh?" I asked, putting my arms around her small waist. She started crying, which made me feel completely horrible, but all I could do as tighten my grip on her waist. "I'm sorry, honey. I can't do anything about it. It's just for the rest of the year, cause next year the three of us will be old enough to do this without our parents, and they'll have no control over anything."
"But...but there's the rest of the summer and I won't even be with you!" she said, refusing to look up at me. I could understand, she did like anyone to see her crying, and it went double with me. "They're sending us home and I'll have barely any time to say goodbye to you."
"Come on, let's sit down and talk about this." I picked her up and carried her out onto the balcony, where I sat down with her on my lap. All of the girls on this tour were so small, even after a massive heart attack I can still pick them up ad carry them across a room.
I put my hand under Michelle's chin, lifting her face to me. She looked away. "Sweetie? Look at me." She shook her head. "Look at me." Her eyes raised and looked up at me. She was definitely the prettiest girl I knew when she cried. People can cry, their faces scrunched and all red and just look stupid, but she was beautiful when she cried. "It's just the rest of the summer. Then I'll be back home and we can make up for it. I'll get you back on next year's tour, even if I have to store you away in my room."
"Why do I have to go home anyway?" she asked.
"Mom's worried because you and the other girls have drugs, and that's what caused my heart attack."
"I'll get rid of the drugs! I'll get rid of all of them, I just want to stay here with you." A tear fell from her eye and she put her head on my shoulder.
"I know, sweetie. I don't want you to leave either."
"Will Nic get to stay?" she asked. I heard the worry and envy in her voice.
"I don't know," I said. It was a lie. Nic would be able to stay with me for the rest of the year (provided that we still stay together), but I didn't want Michelle to know that. She'd get even more upset and wouldn't let go of me until she was pulled away and thrown on a plane kicking and screaming to go back to Tulsa without me.
"I know Darling will get to stay because her and Ike are married. How about Taylor? Does he have anybody right now?" I openly laughed. It was too bad that Amber was coming by to stay with him, but think about it. Michelle and Taylor? Yeah right, like he'd ever be able to look at her straight. Those two don't exactly get along.
"Well, he doesn't have anybody right now," I told her. It was true. Amber wouldn't come by until after I got better.
"Maybe I should go over there and try to cheer him up," she said, a mischievous grin on her face.
"Do you really want to risk getting back together with Taylor? He's had his heart played with enough this summer, I don't think he could handle you too."
"What's wrong with me?" she asked, playing defensive and poking me in the stomach. It made me laugh. "Uh-oh, I've found your ticklish spot."
"No you didn�t," I said, hoping she wouldn't do it again. She already knew one of my ticklish spots; she didn't need to find another one. But she poked me again, and I laughed again. She kept doing it, sending me into a fit of laughs, with her still on my lap. I'm sure she was enjoying it. "Mich�stop!" I said in between laughs. She did it a few more times before stopping and hugged me. "You're crazy."
"I know I am, but I found your ticklish spot, so you can't say anything or I'll tickle you to death," she said. I couldn't comment on her unusual clinging, because I knew exactly why she was doing it. She wanted to get in as much time with me as possible. The two of us usually were like this the last few days of the tour; it was because we were such good friends that we didn't want to leave each other just yet. But, for some reason, when we were at home we never found time to see each other.
"You're my best friend, you know that?" I asked her. She nodded. "You always have and you always will be. You and me, we're going to get married someday."
"Oh really?" she asked, giggling. "What makes you think that?"
"Well, we tried the dating thing and the only reason we stopped was because Taylor took you away from me. And ever since we broke up, we haven't been able to go through a relationship without sleeping together at least once. Plus we're best friends and best friends always get married." She still looked skeptical. "Darling and Ike were best friends before they finally realized that they should be together and that's what started that long relationship before they got married."
"This isn't really the best thing to be thinking about when you just got back together with Nic."
"Well it's the truth. Yeah, I love Nic right now but I'm still going to marry you one of these days."
"Let's make it a while from now. I don't want you to be thinking about me while you're with Nic. I want you to have a nice, healthy relationship with her." I smiled, lightly resting my chin on her shoulder, looking up at her now instead of her looking up at me. "But you and I will get married someday."
"I'm going to miss you," I said. "When are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow morning. I guess Mom wants to get rid of us as soon as she can so we don't do anything else to you." I sighed. "I'm going to miss you too. You call me when you can, okay? I want to hear everything that happens."
"Okay. It'll be a while before anything major happens, though, because I still have to get better before I do anything with the band." I couldn't say anything about us going home, as much as it ate me inside. I couldn't get her hopes up and then have her find out that I'd be watched like a hawk by everyone in that house. It's bad enough that I had heart attack, but now all of them would be waiting for me to take more drugs. I wouldn't be able to contact Michelle, much less see her, for fear that I'd be asking for a way to get drugs. I most likely would not be able to talk to her until the tour started again.
"Zakky?" The sound of my childhood name put me back years, to when Michelle and I would run around the house as children. We were two wild kids then, we'd scream and knock over things and always have to be shooed outside by Mom so we wouldn't cause chaos for the rest of the house. Outside we were worse off, getting into trouble with the neighbors and end up in the corner together, where we'd talk of what we were going to do once we got to go back outside.
"Zakky?" Michelle asked again. I looked up at her. "I love you."
"I love you too, Mich." I kissed her cheek.
I woke up early the next morning so I could say goodbye to Michelle. I knew they'd be leaving at eight, so I got up early enough to have enough time to say goodbye. After a quick shower and a sideways glance at Nic (who was drooling and snoring up a storm...I think she had a cold) I was out the door and over at the girls' room.
"Hey Zac," Taurii said, running over and giving me a hug. "Did you come to say goodbye?"
"Yeah. I was over here yesterday and I didn't see you and Rachel. Where were you? I wanted to talk."
"Oh, we went out with Taylor. He wanted to take us out for dinner. Michelle stayed behind because she wanted to talk to you." Yeah, I was sure that's why Michelle stayed behind. Taylor and Michelle never really got along, especially since what happened to them when they went out.
See, Taylor started going out with Michelle right after she broke up with me. It was another one of those classic Taylor things, taking my girlfriend away from me. He did it just about every single time. He took away Taurii, Rachel, Amber, and more recently Nic. I guess that was a bit different because we'd been broke up and they never really went out officially anyway, but it was the same principal. He slept with Lauryn, which gave me a heart attack, but he doesn't have her right now. I don't think he wants her either.
Anyway, Taylor and Michelle had a nice, long relationship. Somewhere along there I hooked up with Taurii, but I still had a lot feelings for Michelle. I might have even hooked up with Taurii because I had feelings for Michelle and I wanted to get rid of them. Well, Michelle had a lot of feelings for me too, so we ended up sleeping together while we were still in our other relationships. Back then relationships actually meant something to people. That was back before the drugs, and when everyone was still a virgin. So that meant Michelle and I lost our virginity to each other, while were still dating other people. Taylor found out Michelle had cheated, and to the degree that she had cheated, and was totally blown away by it. But the only thing was, he thought it was with Isaac. I don't know why he thought it was Isaac, because Isaac pretty much had no interest in her at the time, but that started a really long feud between the two of them. They didn�t talk to each other for a long time.
Michelle and Taylor broke up soon after that; it was too much for Taylor to handle to know that the girl he loved so much had lost her virginity to someone other than him. He never found out it was me. Well, if he was ever to go to my exhibit at the museum he would find out, because I drew a rather detailed and a rather risqu� portrait of that night. It was a big night for me, how could I not draw it?
The portrait clearly showed it was me. It showed Michelle and me in bed, the top half of our naked bodies exposed. I made it so my arm was covering her breasts, so it wasn't too risqu�. I was somewhat on top of her, kissing her neck. She had her head lolled back, an expression of forbidden ecstasy on her face. To a person just looking at it, they probably wouldn't be able to tell that I meant to draw it was we were having sex, but that's what I intended. I'm sure if Taylor ever saw it, I'd be dead. Not only would he kill me, he would bring me back to life and Isaac would kill me again for causing the both of them years of pain.
"Where's Rachel?" I asked, trying to change my thought process.
"She's on the balcony with Michelle." I hugged Taurii again and walked out on the balcony.
"Hey girls," I said, smiling.
"Hey honey," Michelle responded. She and Rachel got up and gave me a hug before sitting back down. I sat between them, putting my arm around each other them.
"I can't believe my girls are going to be gone," I said, sighing. I couldn't come out here and just put my arm around my girls and sit down and talk anymore. "You guys are going to come back next year, aren't you?"
"Of course we are," Rachel said, surprising me. She was never one to talk when she didn't have to.
"Cause it wouldn't be a tour without you girls. The rest of this tour just won't be the same with you girls gone." Both of them placed their head on my shoulder, the affection warmly taken but very surprising. Rachel was never this way, especially with other people around. But I guess it's the same reason everyone's being this way�because they had to leave.
I didn't know if Isaac was going to stop by and say goodbye. I knew Taylor did already in his own way by taking them to dinner last night, but Isaac just wasn't just wasn't on the best terms with them. I'm sure he was the most upset when he found out I'd gotten the drugs for my heart attack from them, after he specifically asked them to get rid of it before something serious happened.
Taurii walked out onto the balcony, joining us. I guess she was the last one to finish packing, and I could understand that it took a long time. We'd been here in Chicago for the past two weeks already, and the girls were always good at making a very large mess.
I didn't know what exactly I was supposed to say to my girls. Here it was, not long before they had to leave to the airport, and I wasn't saying anything. I was just sitting there like an idiot, wondering what I was supposed to tell them. Taurii and Rachel�they'd both go back home and there'd be little or no contact with them until the start of next year's tour. Michelle was the closest to me, she lived in Tulsa, but I wasn't going to talk to her. So it'd be next year before I get to talk to them again.
We probably won't have any new material for the next year, because of the big fame right now. We couldn't just go from touring to back to the studio and record another album. No, we'd have to do single after single until this album was exhausted before we do another one. Fame's a bitch, there's completely different standards one has to go by instead of the same thing we've been doing for years. Technically we weren�t even supposed to tour next summer, but I wasn't going to break the habit of my annual summer tour for anybody.
We started up a conversation basically about nothing, and talked until Mom came in the door. "All right girls, it's time for you to go to the airport. Taurii, your flight is first. It leaves in an hour. We need to get moving."
"Okay Mom," the girls said in unison, and got up. I followed them into the main room, closing the door to the balcony behind me.
"Check to make sure you guys have everything," I said, sounding very fatherly. "Did you check the drawers? Have you even used the drawers?"
"Zac, we checked the room a million times. I think we have everything," Taurii said. "Don't worry about us, we have everything and we'll be all right."
"Are you sure? I don't want any of you to lose anything important." Taurii grimly smiled and walked over.
"We already lost the most important thing," she said, and kissed my cheek. "You." Aww...that was so corny. That's why I love Taurii. She hugged me before heading out of the room quickly so no one would see her cry. That was typical Taurii, hiding her emotions before anyone realized what she was feeling.
Rachel said goodbye next. "Tell me everything that happens," she said, hugging me. "I mean everything. I want to come back and know everything about everybody. Don't skip a beat on calling me if anything major happens. Tell that to everyone else too. I don't want to miss out on a single thing." She squeezed me.
"I will. I promise," I said, squeezing her back. "See you."
"Goodbye." She kissed me and left to join Taurii in the hallway. I looked up at Michelle, who was looking on the ground, swaying her toe back and forth on the rug.
"Mich? It's your turn."
"Maybe if I don't say goodbye, I won't have to leave," she whispered, still looking at the ground. I looked at Mom, feeling tears welling in my eyes. Mom didn�t say anything. She wasn't even looking at me. She was staring at the wall so she wouldn't have to see any of this.
I stepped up to Michelle. "Sweetie? Look at me," I said, feeling a sudden reminder of yesterday. She looked up at me. "It's just a little while." I'll just keep saying that, because maybe if I keep saying it to her, I'll believe it myself. "I don't want you to leave any more than you want to leave."
She threw her arms around me. "Oh God I'm going to miss you!" I put an arm around her waist and used the other to stroke her hair. Before I responded, I kissed the top of her head.
"I'll miss you too." I felt her crying on my shoulder, her arms gripping me as tightly as she could. I felt a tear roll down my face and quickly brushed it away. This was silly. It was like they were leaving at the end of the tour, but this is just a little bit early. Yeah, two months early... I shook the thought away. I was supposed to be happy, set an example for Michelle.
"I love you," she said, her voice coated with tears.
"I love you too. Don't forget that. I'll see you soon." She hung on a little longer before pulling away from me. "Don't leave me without a kiss." She kissed my lips. This time I realized that she wasn't giving me just a friendly kiss, she was giving me an 'I love you as my boyfriend' kiss. I noticed it even more so when she opened her mouth and slid her tongue in. I responded with equal force, tightening my grip around her waist.
I shouldn't have done it, I know. I shouldn't have responded and let her go that far with me, especially since most of the thought in that kiss is that she doesn't want to leave. This wasn't going to help anything, we both knew that, but for those few moments we let ourselves become more than friends. What was even worse was that we both knew what we were doing, and we didn't stop it. All those other times we were either drunk or high or something that we didn't know what we were doing, so we did it just because we were there. But now, now we actually know what we're doing and we're not trying to stop anything. And there's even a worst part to all of this. If my mother wasn't standing right there, I wouldn't have stopped with a kiss. I probably would have pushed her on the bed and made love with her right then and there.
"You have to go," I said after pulling away from her.
"I know," she said, opening her eyes and looking up to mine. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye." She took in a deep breath and grabbed her bag before running out of the room, crying. Mom turned to leave, but I stopped her. "Well I hope you're happy now."
"Zac, you know there's good reason in all of this. You'll see it, you just won't see it right now. Right now you're mad at me because I took your three best friends away from you for a little while. But next year you'll have them come back when I don't have control over what you do or who your bring along with you on these tours. But I think that leaving them behind is the best thing you could do."
"No, it isn't. They're here so I don't have fame go to my head."
"No, Zac, you know when fame goes to your head. That's what stops it. You know what you should and shouldn't be doing to be a good, grounded person, and you focus on that. These girls are just here so you could have fun with them. Do you realize that all the problems you've ever had, has centered with them? Rachel gossips and tears relationships apart, but the reason she can gossip is because you have these girls and you screw around with them when you're supposed to be committed to someone else. I think you'll realize how well your relationship wit Nic will improve now that Michelle is gone."
She left. My only response to that was a huff and a "Whatever." That was because I knew she was right.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Index