As I walked down the hall, I saw Nic knocking on Darling's door. At least they were making up. If they could, so could Lauryn and I.
I opened the door to Taylor's room and my heart leapt in my throat and then crashed down at my feet. I couldn't believe my eyes. My girlfriend was not only kissing, but having sex with my brother. Ew! I quickly shut the door and made a face. That is one of the most disgusting ways to see someone cheating on you. Ew!!
For a moment I was shell-shocked. I didn't know how I could respond to that. My brother did it again. If I weren't so upset right now I'd run in there and rip him to pieces with my own hands. I couldn't think. I couldn't feel. I was numb. My brother had done it again. I should have seen it coming, knowing me and him could never get along when it came to people we dated. He always took them away from me. I don't know if he ever loved any of them or even cared about any of them. I didn't want to know. I just wished he'd stop.
I had to get this feeling off my mind. I needed drugs. Yes, drugs will make me feel better. Drugs will solve everything. I began to walk to the girls' room, feeling hot tears streaming down my face. Why is it that every girl I love goes to Taylor? All of them did! He captivated every single one of them. Was there something so wrong with me that they couldn't stay with me? That they had to go to him?
I paused in front of the girls' door. Nic. Nic had just come into my room crying because her best friend didn't approve of her boyfriend and I told her that as long as she was happy nothing else mattered. I told her everything worked out in the end. How could everything work out in the end if her boyfriend (which I know she loves more than she could ever love me) was fucking my girlfriend? The whole situation just made everything worse.
I ran into the girls' room. Michelle was the only one in the room; the other two were on the balcony smoking. Pot was not going to do anything for me right now. What did Michelle have? It looked like cocaine. Coke might do the trick.
As I sat down next to Michelle, she didn't even look at me. I waved my hand in front of her face. Oh yeah, she's zoned out. I guess she took the coke because it looked to be the only thing around. If she could be that wasted, I want what she has. She looks like she doesn't have a care in the world, just that spot on the wall. I want that. I don't want to think about anything. I don't want to think about Lauryn or Taylor or the both of them together having sex behind my back.
I suddenly remembered that smell last night on Lauryn. That smell that I couldn't recognize was Taylor. She had sex with him last night too! She's a fricken sex-aholic! Damn her! She had sex with him and then acted like there was nothing wrong.
I have a lot on my mind. A lot on my mind means a lot of coke to get rid of it. I'm not exactly a cocaine person. I don't know how much is too much. I looked at her needle. Seems about right.
As I injected the toxins into my body, I immediately felt...I immediately felt nothing at all. No hate towards Lauryn, no care either. I looked at Michelle. "Thank you," I said and kissed her cheek. But, my judgment's already off and I ended up kissing her neck. I don't remember the last time I've kissed her neck. Usually with Michelle I end up making out with her, but that consisted of her lips and a spot behind her ear that I know she loved having kissed. But her neck, her neck I used to kiss when we went out, but I'd never really touched afterwards because I always considered that to be a thing I did with the people I was currently in love with.
To my surprise I ended up giving her a hickey. Who would of thought that cocaine would actually make me give people hickeys? I don't do the hickey thing, it was something I just never did but here I was, sucking on her neck. Well, she didn't seem to mind.
After a few minutes of playing leech on her neck, I figured I should go back to my room. I wasn't going to solve any problems here, even if I didn't remember what my problems were. I'll remember if I keep trying hard enough. I let go of Michelle's neck and kissed her lips a few times before forcing myself to get up. I got up�big mistake. I nearly fell over, but I grabbed a nearby chair and kept my balance. I reached out for the wall. It seemed to be getting farther and farther away...I ran over to it and slammed right into it. I heard Michelle laugh behind me.
"Fuck," I said. "That hurt." I couldn't really tell now, cause it had already stopped hurting. I walked against the wall to the door and opened it. I fell out into the hallway, but picked myself back up and walked against the wall to my room. I heard a door open somewhere...somewhere around here. I leaned against the wall for support and walked to my room. I opened the door and fell in, then kicked it shut and walked around. Why was I here? Um, I don't remember. Something about something or another that involves...yeah. I can't remember. Oh well, I'll think of it eventually.
I made my way across the room. When I finally got to the table (the room was spinning so much I fell over twice), the door behind me opened and slammed shut. I flipped around. Dizzy...I grabbed the table so I wouldn�t fall down again. "Whoa...I shouldn�t have done that." I laughed. Who was there? I couldn�t even see that far.
"Zac, sit down. You did way too much coke and you could have a heart attack," Nic said, coming into my view. I looked at her. Yup, that�s Nic all right. She sat me down in a chair.
"You found out, didn�t you?" I asked. I didn�t want her to find out I was doing drugs again. I just wanted to be left alone so I could just do what I came here to do. What was that?
"Zac, it�s obvious you did something. I asked Michelle and she told me what you did and how much you did. You did way too much." Well, Nic�s saying this, so I guess I did take too much.
"I didn�t know how much was too much, but I just wanted to get away."
"Why?"
"Cause..." Why did I do it? Think, Zac, think! Okay, brain I order you to work now. Lauryn and Taylor. "Cause I saw Lauryn messing around with Taylor. And that�s not even what upset me. I should have seen that coming. Taylor always takes the people I�m involved with. It�s just that you love Taylor and you don�t love me but he did this to you. He doesn�t deserve you. I know you�re happy with him and I want you happy, Nic, I really do, I just think you should know what he�s doing."
"Oh, Zac�"
"And what really bothered me was that I've been looking for a reason to break up with Lauryn so I could be with you but you don't love me anymore! You love him�I don't want you to love him. He's not worth it. He's Taylor!"
"You think I love Taylor?" she asked. I nodded. "I don't love Taylor. I love you. I want to be with you. This thing is all a mistake. I want you."
"Me?" I asked. She nodded. "Really?"
"Really."
"Oh God Nic, that's the greatest�the greatest�" I got too tired to finish my sentence. I just want to sleep.
"Zac? Zac, you stay with me here." No, I want to sleep. I closed my eyes and everything just faded away with the sound of Nic's scream.
When I woke up, I was really uncomfortable. I opened my eyes and I found myself in a white room. I looked around. I'm in a hospital. Why the hell am I in a hospital? God my chest hurt. I looked to my side. Nic was sitting in a chair next to the bed. She looked like shit. Her eyes were all red and still filled with tears, she had some pouring down her face...what happened?
"Hi," she said, waving. Even her voice was quivering.
"What happened?" I asked. She sniffed and didn't respond. "Nic? Why the hell am I in the hospital?"
"You had a heart attack."
"I had a heart attack?" I don't think I heard her right. "I'm seventeen years old, how the hell do I have a heart attack?"
"You had a heart attack because you put too much cocaine in your system. It strained your heart, and you had a heart attack." I just had a heart attack. I sat back in my bed, amazed. I couldn't believe this just happened. "Do you even know why you had coke in your system?"
"No, I don't want to know." I ran my hands through my hair. This was ridiculous. "I can't believe this. A heart attack." I couldn't stop repeating it. It didn't seem real. I just kept thinking that if I said it over and over, it'd finally sink in. It wasn't working yet.
"I don't believe it either, but that's what the doctor said. You have to stay here for a week, and you won't be able to play for at least a week after that." Well, that's not too bad. I figured I'd be out of commission for longer than that.
"Did you tell anyone I'm here?" I asked. All I could think about was Lauryn coming here and yelled 'I told you so!' in my face.
"No. I didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone until I knew you were okay and you're awake." Well, I'm both. Is she going to leave me here alone? I don't want to be alone. Not now. I need someone by my side so I don't freak out.
"You're not going to leave just yet, are you?" I asked. God, I'm so scared. Heart attacks can kill people. They have killed people. Lots of people. I could have died!
"No, not if you don't want me to." I quickly shook my head, feeling tears in my eyes.
"I don't want you to." She pulled her chair closer and grabbed my hand. I gripped it for dear life. I wanted to cry. "I'm scared, Nic. I'm scared of what this means."
"You'll be fine, Zac. The doctors said you'll be off your feet for a while but you'll be just fine."
"How fine can I be, Nic?" I asked, tears slipping down my face. "I just had a heart attack! This happens to people in their forties, fifties...I'm seventeen."
"You just had too much drugs in your system for you heart to handle. If you stay away from drugs you'll be fine."
"But Nic, I went to drugs now! How am I supposed to make it through this if I can't stay off them for one problem? I don't even know what I did! I was fine until I wake up and I'm in the hospital!"
"Zac, just calm down," she said in a soothing tone. "You're going to be fine. I'm going to stay right here next to you until you can leave. Then we're going back to the hotel and I'm not going to leave your side until you yourself physically remove me."
"Thank you," I said.
"There's not much to thank. I love you, Goddammit and I'm not going to let you out of my sight!" I looked in her eyes, surprised.
"Did you just say you love me?" I asked. She smiled and lightly laughed.
"Yes I did. I don't care anymore. I love you, Zac. I want you to know that."
"Why the sudden change in emotion?" I asked.
"You made quite a little speech to me while you were high there, Zac. I'm not going to tell you what you said if you don't remember, but it was enough to make me want to say it." Oh God, I'm sure I made a complete fool out of myself and she won't tell me what I said.
"I love you too, you know."
"I know."
"What?" What did I say to her? As long as I didn't ask to marry her, I'm not too embarrassed.
"Get some sleep."
"Sleep? I can't sleep now. You are going to tell me everything I said to you when I was high."
"You need your rest. If the doctor sees you're awake, he'll yell at me. I don't want to get yelled at."
"Please?" I asked, trying to plead with her.
"I'll tell you later, Zac. Right now you need some rest and I need to make a few phone calls." She got up. I held her hand, not wanting her to leave. I couldn't be alone in this hospital, especially not right now. She sensed this and sat back down.
"Stay here with me until I fall asleep, okay? I don't want to be alone."
"All right."
"Will you be here when I wake up?" I asked, hopefully.
"I'll try. If you sleep for a while I'll be here. The phone calls shouldn't take more than fifteen minutes. I don't want you to wake up with me not here." I laid down and closed my eyes. The last thing I felt before I fell asleep were her lips against my forehead.
When I woke up again, I was still in the hospital. Damn, it wasn't a dream. I looked to my right. Nic was reading a magazine. "Okay, what did I tell you when I was high?" I asked immediately. She jumped, not knowing I was awake.
"You're finally awake, sleepy-head. You just slept all night long," she told me.
"I asked you a question." She smiled.
"You said that Taylor doesn't deserve me because he's Taylor, that you've been looking for a reason to break up with Lauryn for me but you thought I didn't love you, and you said you love me."
"That's it?" I asked.
"Pretty much, sweetie."
"What'd you say?" I asked, looking adoringly up at her. She grinned at my questioning.
"I said I don't love Taylor; I love you. And that's the truth." I smiled.
"So I didn't do anything stupid like ask you to marry me or something like that?" She shook her head, giggling. "I love it when you giggle like that. You look so beautiful."
"Thank you."
"Do you know how long I've been dying to tell you stuff like that but I never could? I've been dying to hold your hand and kiss you and say I love you again." I reached out and took her hand. "I never could before, because I didn't know how you felt or I thought you were so madly in love with Taylor that it wasn't my place to tell you."
"Well you can say whatever you want now."
"I never got over you. Sure, it took me a while to get over Amber, but I never loved her like this. I missed you so much but I couldn't reach out to you because I was scared to, and then I heard about you and Taylor and it completely broke my heart."
"What about Lauryn?" she asked. "You had her long before you know about me and Taylor."
"I started dating Lauryn to try to prove to myself that I didn't need you anymore. It didn't work, cause every time I heard your name or saw something that reminded me of you, I'd fall for you all over again." I looked up at her. "I'm not scaring you, am I?"
"No, not at all," she said. "I just really wasn't expecting it. I had no idea you felt this way."
"So I haven't been horribly obvious. Good. Cause that's what I was afraid of. I haven't been able to take my eyes off you since you got here." Okay, now I've gone too far. I'm really going to start to scare her. I'm scaring myself that I'm pouring all this out. I guess it's just because I nearly died and I want to get some of this out. "So...what's the game plan for today? Being a vegetable?"
"Pretty much. Breakfast is at seven, then I want you to take a nap before lunch at noon."
"What time is it now?" I asked. I figured it was early if breakfast was at seven. I was just wondering how early. Nic looked at her watch.
"It's six."
"Why the hell am I waking up at six?"
"You fell asleep last night at nine. That's nine hours of sleep, and you don't get that much on a normal night."
"That's true. So what are we going to do until breakfast?" I asked.
"Well, I've got plenty of stuff to do. I've got magazines and books and stuff," she said, gesturing to the bag next to her chair.
"You wouldn't happen to have any pinball machines in there, would you?" I asked. She laughed.
"No."
"A Jacuzzi?"
"Nope, sorry."
"Disneyland?"
"I tried, but it was too heavy to carry." I made a face.
"Weakling. I'm sure I could carry Disneyland in a bag."
"I wouldn't doubt it, but I don't think you have the strength to do much anything, sweetie. We'll keep Disney on the back burner until you have enough strength to walk." She was right. Talking to her was making me tired. It was pathetic that I didn't have any energy whatsoever. I'm known for my energy! Maybe this was going to take longer than I thought to get better. I couldn't even think about going back on my drums. Just the thought of me on my drums made me tired. How could I be tired? I just slept for nine hours! I'd better not think about it, I'd fall asleep.
"Nic?" I asked.
"Yes?"
"How bad was my heart attack? Was it really bad or just bad?"
"It wasn�t bad. The doctors said it was pretty much a minor heart attack, but since it was caused from cocaine it's going to feel like it was major."
"Do you know what happened?" I asked. Yeah, it was a heart attack, but did my heart just stop or did it fuck up for a while?
"Yeah. When the coke entered your system, it sped up your heart really fast. I don't know how long it was doing it; I think it was ten minutes. Then when I was talking to you, your heart got tired from beating so fast and it just gave up and stopped beating. What it's doing right now is trying to get back into the right rhythm, and it's going to be slow for a little while. That's why you're so tired. So you just have got to take it real easy for a while before everything gets back to normal."
"How long will that be?"
"A few weeks. I know the doctors said you could be back on your drums in two weeks, but I'm going to make you wait longer."
"Thanks Dr. Nic."
"I just don't want anything else to happen to you, all right? I want to make sure that you're one hundred percent better and back to the old Zac again before I let you play again."
"I understand. Just don't start correcting the doctor or anything, all right? Remember, he's in charge, not you."
"I know."
"Okay. Now, do you happen to have the starting line up for the 1985 Chicago Cubs in that bag?" I asked with adoring eyes. She just laughed.
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Index