“Yeah, so I came back and the two of you were already asleep,” Darling said to me, the next morning. Taylor was back in our room. When I woke up, I’d found his arm still around me. It was amusing to me until Darling told me Zac had walked in while we were like that.
“We did go to sleep a bit after you two left,” I said.
“You don’t know how cute you two looked. You two are getting more affectionate with each other. It’s hard to tell if you’re still acting or not.”
“It’s because he isn’t acting anymore.” I said. “And if we don’t break up soon, I won’t be either.”
“You’re using him.”
“What?”
“He isn’t acting anymore. That means he wants you. You’re using him to get Zac. So, you’re technically using him.”
“I’m not using him at all! He’s just helping me, and he wants to help! I’m not using anyone; I don’t use people, Darling. I’m not that kind of person.”
“Sometimes people don’t mind being used, Nic.”
“Why the hell is it that whenever I talk to you, you try to convince me I’m such a horrible person? Taylor and I are happy for the time being.”
“Yeah, then you drop him the second you don’t need him anymore!”
“What? No!” I yelled. I got up. “Darling, you’re acting like my mother and you know how much I hate my mother!”
“You think I’m acting like your mother? I’ll show you your mother. Get the fuck out of here!” My eyes filled up with tears and I ran out of the room. I ran down the hall to my room. I was about to open when I heard the familiar high-pitched voice in there. I didn’t want to deal with Lauryn right now. I looked across the hall, at Zac’s room. Should I go in there? I’d have to make up some other reasons for the fight. Oh hell, it wasn’t worth fighting so hard for.
I went across the hall and into Zac’s room. He was still asleep. Now? He was always up early. What time was it? Almost noon...I decided to wake him up. I needed to talk to someone. Anyone.
“Zac, Zac honey, wake up.” What the hell was that? Am I his wife now? I ignored the thought. “Zac, wake up.” I pushed his shoulder. He turned and started to snore once again. I know he’s hard to wake up, but I wasn’t in the mood to play games. “Wake up!” He didn’t budge. I grabbed one of the pillows and stuffed it over his head. After a bit his arms began to flail. I removed the pillow.
“Oh my God are you trying to kill me?” he yelled.
“No, I’m trying to wake you up! It’s almost noon, why are you still asleep?” I asked. He looked at me.
“Have you been crying?” he asked. I rolled my eyes. “Nic, what’s wrong? What happened? Did you and Taylor have a fight?”
“No, me and Taylor are fine.”
“Damn...” he mumbled.
“What was that?” I asked.
“Nothing. So if it wasn’t Taylor, who was it?”
“It was Darling. The fight wasn’t really a fight but she just really hit a nerve.” He offered me a smile and opened his arms to me. He always had that mug smile on his face, which could always make me feel better, no matter what situation.
I graciously accepted his open arms. I felt them close around me, protecting me from anything and everything. I always felt so safe in his arms. If he had me, no one else could get to me. Those arms and that smile had been gone lately. Yes, I’ve had my two nights with him, but that’s it. It was so different from before when I was with him night and day. That didn’t realize how good that life was until it was gone.
“Are you going to tell me what the fight was about?” he asked.
“I’ve forgotten it already.” And that was true. I adjusted my head against his chest, enjoying the security I was feeling. I'd never felt so safe before in my life.
“Nic?” he asked, a few minutes later. “Why did you come to me instead going to Taylor?”
“Lauryn was talking to him. The last thing I needed was to hear her voice when I was that upset. I would have killed her.”
“I can understand that.”
“And the fight was kind of over him, so I couldn’t go to him anyway.”
“You and Darling had a fight over Taylor?” Zac asked.
“She doesn’t exactly approve of my relationship with him. We haven’t been talking much lately, and when we do it’s over him. I’m getting sick of it.” I sighed. “Darling’s my best friend; I don’t understand it. I’m just trying to be happy.”
“Are you happy?”
“Yes.”
“Then don’t let her upset you, Nic. If you’re happy with Taylor, whatever she says isn’t worth anything. If Darling doesn’t approve, that’s her problem. I don’t see why, but it’s her problem. I just want you to be happy.”
“She just knew exactly what button to push, Zac. It’s because she knows me that she can hurt me so much.”
“Can I ask what she said, or do you not want to talk about it?” I twirled a piece of his hair in my fingers.
“I said she was acting like my mother, then she told me ‘You think I’m acting like your mother? I’ll show you your mother. Get the fuck out of here!’ My mom is always kicking me out of the house, and until Darling moved I used to go to her place until I could go home. I hate being reminded of when I was kicked out, cause sometimes I don’t always have a place to sleep at night.”
“Nic, I’m sorry.” He kissed the top of my head.
“It’s not your fault. It’s all my fault. I was the one who provoked her. But I just can’t believe Darling said that.” I felt a tear fall from my eye. Zac wiped it away.
“It’ll be okay, Nic.” I tightened my arms around him. “I promise it’ll be okay.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because things always work out in the end. No matter what, things always have a way to be at your advantage.”
“You think so?”
“I know so.” I smiled. “Now you need to go back to Darling and work this out with her. You two are best friends. There’s no reason for you to be fighting.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
“No problem.” He kissed my forehead. “Go. I’m going to have a talk with Lauryn.”
“You going to break up with her?” I asked, trying not to sound expectant.
“I’m not so sure I want to.” I’m going to hurt you, I thought, but smiled to him.
“Good.” I walked out of the room and over to Daring’s. I stopped at the door, my fist raised, and took in a deep breath. I knocked. Darling opened the door. “I’m sorry,” I blurted out. She smiled.
“Come in.” I stepped inside as Zac walked out of his room and down the hall.
“Darling. I know you don’t approve of my relationship with Taylor, because it’s not really a relationship. But, I’m realizing now that I really like him. Even you said we looked cute together.”
“You do. You’re just in the relationship for all the wrong reasons.”
“I know I am. I know I’m using him and all that, it’s just that I don’t want to believe I’m a bad person because of it. If this whole experience is doing anything, it’s making me understand that I’m really starting to like Taylor.”
“I’m glad you’re trying to have a formidable relationship. I’m sorry I haven’t approved, I just want you to be the best you can be, Nic. You’re just like my little sister.” “Darling, you don’t have a little sister.”
“You’re the little sister I never had, okay? I’m not being correct here.”
“So, are we better?”
“Yes.”
“Are you my best friend again?”
“I’ll always be your best friend, Nic. Always have, always will be.” I smiled. “Now leave, I have to find my husband.”
“Good God, you’re married.”
“I’ve been married for months, dearie, get over it.” I smiled and left. I saw Zac nearly fall out of one of the rooms, walk against the wall and stumble into his room. Where’d he come from like that? The only other room of ours from that direction was the girls’ room. Why would he be in there?
I went over to the room and opened the door. Everyone was on the balcony except Michelle who was sitting on the floor, staring at the wall.
“Michelle? Was Zac in here?” I asked. She nodded, not looking away from the wall. I looked next to her and there was a needle lying on the floor. It didn't look like heroin...it looked like cocaine. With a deep breath I picked it up. “Michelle? Look at me.” Her eyes drifted towards me.
“Sup?”
“Did Zac do any of this?” I asked. “Did he do any coke?”
“Yup.”
“How much did he do?”
“The whole thing.”
“The whole thing?” The needled was pretty big, bigger than usual. “How much was in here?” She shrugged. “Are you sure he did it all?”
“Oh yeah, he came in here all upset about something…I told him we had coke, so he did it.” I put the needle down.
“Holy shit.” I left the room and ran across the hall to my room. I opened the door. Taylor and Lauryn were having sex. That was the grossest thing I’ve ever walked in on… Didn’t Zac say he was coming in here? He must have seen it. Shit.
I ran over to Zac’s room. When I opened the door he flipped around, smiling, but got dizzy and held onto the table for support. “Woah…” he laughed. “I shouldn’t have done that.” He laughed again.
“Zac, sit down. You did way too much coke and you could have a heart attack.” I put my hands down on his shoulders and led him to a chair and sat him down.
“You found out, didn’t you?” he asked.
“Zac, it’s obvious you did something. I asked Michelle and she told me what you did and how much you did. You just did way too much.”
“I didn’t know how much was too much, but I just needed to get away.”
“Why?”
“Cause…Cause I saw Lauryn messing around with Taylor. And that’s not even what upset me. I don’t like her at all. It just you love Taylor and you don’t love me but he did this to you. He doesn’t deserve you. I know you’re happy with him and I want you happy Nic, I really do, I just think you should know what he’s doing.”
“Oh, Zac—”
“And what really bothered me was that I’ve been looking for a reason to break up with Lauryn so I could be with you but you don’t love me anymore! You love him...I don’t want you to love him. He’s not worth it. He’s Taylor!”
“You think I love Taylor?” I asked. “I don’t love Taylor. I love you. I want to be with you. This thing is all a mistake. I want you.”
“Me?” I nodded. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Oh God, Nic, that’s the greatest—the greatest—” I saw his eyelids begin to droop.
“Zac? Zac, you stay with me here.” I’d barely said those words when his body went limp and he toppled onto the floor.
I looked over Zac. The color was drained from his face and the wires and tubes coming from his body just weren’t him. No, I refused to believe it. It wasn’t real. He wasn’t here in the hospital, I wasn’t watching over him. All the things the doctor said about him having a heart attack and almost dying in the emergency room—it was all a dream. I wasn’t here; he wasn’t here! Everything was fine. Just fine…
I shook my head. I couldn’t believe any of this was happening. Zac was seventeen years old. How could he have a heart attack? Because he was a fucking moron and put cocaine in his system again.
I’d been crying. I don’t think I’ve ever cried like this before. When I first got in this room I was bawling my eyes out while holding onto him. I couldn’t believe I did something like that. But there I was, hours later, still crying. I wasn’t crying as hard, but I was still crying over him. He could have died. Did that thought ever cross his mind as he put that needle in his vein and injected toxins into his bloodstream? Of course not, he was too worried over me to think at all. The guy was smart, just not as smart as I thought he was.
I saw Zac wake up. I wiped my eyes and ran my hands through my hair, trying to be presentable. He looked around, confused, until his eyes landed on me.
“Hi,” I said, and waved.
“What happened?” he asked. I sniffed and adjusted myself in my seat. “Nic? Why the hell am I in the hospital?”
“You had a heart attack.”
“I had a heart attack?” I nodded. “I’m seventeen years old, how the hell do I have a heart attack?”
“You had a heart attack because you had too much cocaine in your system. It strained your heart, and you had a heart attack.” He sat back. “Do you even know why you had coke in your system?”
“No, I don’t want to know.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I can’t believe this. A heart attack.”
“I didn’t believe it either, but that’s what the doctor said. You have to stay here for a week, and you won’t be able to play for at least a week after that.”
“Did you tell anyone I’m here?”
“No. I didn’t want to do anything or talk to anyone until I knew you were okay and that you’re awake.”
“You’re not going to leave just yet, are you?” he asked.
“No, not if you don’t want me to.”
“I don’t want you to.” I pulled my chair closer to his bed and grabbed his hand. “I’m scared, Nic. I’m scared of what this means.”
“You’ll be fine, Zac. The doctors said you’ll be off your feet for a while but you’ll be just fine.”
“How fine can I be, Nic? I just had a heart attack! This happens to people in their forties, fifties...I’m seventeen.”
“You just had too much drugs in your system for you heart to handle. If you stay away from drugs you’ll be fine.”
“But Nic, I went to drugs now! How am I supposed to make it through this if I can’t stay off drugs for one problem? I didn’t even know that I did! I was fine until I wake up and I’m in the hospital!”
“Zac, just calm down. You’re going to be fine. I’m going to stay right here next to you until you can leave. Then we’re going back to the hotel and I’m going to take care of you there. I’m not going to leave your side until you yourself physically remove me.”
“Thank you.”
“There’s not much to thank. I love you, Goddammit, and I’m not going to let you out of my sight!”
“Did you just say you love me?”
“Yes I did. I don’t care anymore. I love you, Zac. I want you to know that.”
“Why the sudden change in emotion?”
“You made quite a nice little speech to me while you were high there, Zac. I’m not going to tell you what you said if you don’t remember, but it was enough to make me want to say it.”
“I love you too, you know.”
“I know.”
“What?” I smiled.
“Get some sleep.”
“Sleep? I can’t sleep now. You are going to tell me everything I said to you when I was high.”
“You need your rest. If the doctor sees you awake, he’ll yell at me. I don’t want to get yelled at.”
“Please?”
“I’ll tell you later, Zac. Right now you need some rest and I need to make a few phone calls.” I got up, but the look on his face and the way his hand gripped mine caused me to sit down.
“Stay here with me until I fall asleep, okay?” he asked. “I don’t want to be alone.”
“Alright.”
“Will you be here when I wake up?”
“I’ll try. If you sleep for a while I’ll be here. The phone calls shouldn’t take more than fifteen minutes.” He seemed so fragile there, his big eyes gazing up hopefully at me. “I don’t want you to wake up when I’m not here.” I held his hand and waited for him to fall asleep. I quietly got up. I kissed his forehead and walked out of the room.
I found a payphone. I didn’t have any change because I didn’t bring anything with me. After Zac passed out, I called for an ambulance and left without saying anything to anyone or taking anything.
I dialed the number for a collect call, then Darling’s cell phone number.
“Hello?”
“You have a collect call from, caller state your name here…”
“Nic,” I said.
“Will you accept charges?”
“Yeah,” Darling said. “Nic, what the hell are you doing calling me collect? Where are you?”
“I’m at the hospital.”
“The hospital? Why?” she asked. “What happened? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Darling. It’s not me. It’s Zac,” I said. “He had a heart attack.”
“He had a what?! How?”
“He had too much cocaine in his system and he had a heart attack. He’s fine now; they’re going to keep him here for about a week until he gets better.”
“Oh my God.”
“Listen, he doesn’t want to be alone and I want to be there when he wakes up. I need you to tell his parents and his brothers. He doesn’t want a lot of visitors just yet. I’d say wait a day or two before anyone should really come to see him.”
“Alright. Is there anything I can do for you? Anything I can bring you?” she asked.
“Maybe just bring me some magazines to read; just something to do. I’m not leaving him until he tells me to go home. He’s really shaken right now so I’ll probably be staying here over night.”
“Okay. What hospital are you at?”
“Um, University Hospital. It’s on fourth avenue, I think. You’ll find it.”
“Alright. I’ll call up everyone and tell them what’s going on. I’ll see you in a bit with some things to do.”
“Thank you, Darling. ”
“No problem.”
I hung up the phone and went back to Zac’s room. As long as he didn’t wake up and freak out, everything would be alright. Everything would be alright...