“How are you feeling today, honey?” I asked Zac. I put my bag down next to my chair and placed my cup of coffee on the counter. I kissed him and sat down. Everyday it was the same thing. Get in around six, get coffee and go to Zac’s room. I’d spend all day with him, leave at ten, do errands until midnight, drive until three or four, sleep and do it all over again. The only thing that was different today was he was awake when I got there.
“I’m better.”
“Have you been up long?” He shook his head. “Good. Are you okay? Anything I can get you?”
“Not now. Did you get my drawing stuff?” he asked. I nodded.
“Yeah. I got it all right here,” I said. “You want it?”
“Yeah.” I gave him his drawing folder and all his various pencils and colors. “I’m going to draw you.”
“Okay.” I smiled. “Any way you want me to pose?”
“Just read your magazine.” I took my magazine from my bag. It felt uncomfortable, knowing as I read my magazine his eyes were taking in every inch of my body, every curve, every shadow, every line so he could transfer the look onto paper. “You look beautiful today, Nic.”
“You say that every day.”
“It doesn’t make it any less true.” I smirked. I couldn’t blush, because he would notice it. I’d never posed for him before; I didn’t know how long this was going to take. “Okay. I’m done.”
“You’re done?” I asked. That didn’t take any more than five minutes. “How can you be done already?”
“Well I did all I need you for. I just sketched it. I don’t need you to pose for me to color it in.”
“Can I see?”
“Not yet. Not until I’m done.”
“Fine.” I leafed through my magazine. I wasn’t exactly interested in it anyway, what I really wanted was to see my picture. Zac was so gifted at this, everything I’ve seen I’ve loved and wanted to hang up in my house. It was all so wonderful. Now he was torturing me, having me wait until he was done for me to see it.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked. I was running out of things to do. “There’s nothing you need?”
“You’re becoming obsessive, Nic,” he said, not lifting his eyes from the paper. “If I need something, I’ll let you know.”
“Alright.”
We’d been here for five days already. I spent my time thinking a lot, and doing everything I could to make sure Zac was alright. Darling and Isaac were stopping by for lunch with Zac’s parents, who were just arriving today. I could tell Zac was nervous about it.
“What time is it, babe?” Zac asked.
“Six-thirty.”
“What time will everyone get here?” he asked. I heard the nervousness in his voice, just from asking what time they were to arrive.
“Well your parents’ flight comes in at eleven, and you know they’re always delayed, so maybe noon. We’re all going to have a nice hospital food lunch.” He made a face.
“Ugh, I’m sick of starchy mashed potatoes and jell-o.”
“You’ll be out of here soon, honey.”
“I hope so,” he said.
“I really think you should take nap before they get here. You’re going to get tired and I know you don’t want to cut their visit short.”
“I’ll do that later.”
“How ‘bout around eight?” I asked. “That gives you two hours to finish that and eat breakfast.”
“Okay?” He looked at me. “You take such good care of me.”
“I know what I’m doing. We’ve been here five days, I know what you’re like.”
“Thank God it’s you and not Lauryn. It’s bad enough I’m sharing a room with her, I don’t need her to take care of me.” He put his paintbrush down. “Nic, you’re here whenever I’m awake. When do you have time for yourself? You must go home sometime.” I liked the way he used the term ‘home’ so loosely.
“I go home when you’re sleeping at night. See, you go to sleep at nine and wake up between six and seven. I leave here around ten to make sure you’re asleep and don’t wake up. Then until twelve I do errands, I get magazines for myself and get whatever you ask. I usually drive around until three or four, just thinking, until I go back to the hotel and sleep for a bit. I get here about six every day.”
“Nic, you should sleep more than that.”
“I can’t sleep any more than that. I’m not tired at all. I’m too worried to be tired.”
“Well it makes me feel bad. I’m sleeping all the time and you get about an hour a night. Listen, Nic, I don’t think I’m the one who should take a nap before they get here. I think you should.”
“Who’s going to do everything for you if I’m asleep?”
“I will. A nurse will. Just give me your watch, I’ll take my nap at eight. If you’re not up by eleven I’ll throw something at you.”
“Zac, where am I going to sleep anyway?”
“There’s another bed over there. You can sleep over there. I’ll find your picture, the nurse will give me my breakfast...come on. You’ve taken care of me nearly 24 hours every day for the past week. It’s my turn to take care of you. Now go to sleep.”
“Zac, no. You need someone...”
“No I don’t. It’s just for a little while. These people here are supposed to take care of me. You’ll be back up and running by the time everyone gets here, and you’ll have more energy.”
“Zac...”
“Shut up and go to sleep!”
“Fine. But I want to see my picture done by the time I wake up.” I took off my watch and put it on the counter. “You promise you’ll take your nap?”
“Yes! Yes! Now go to sleep, babe.” I got up. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” I gave him a kiss and walked over to the bed across the room. I laid down on it, and as soon as I shut my eyes, I was asleep.
I woke up what it seemed not long after that by something hitting me in the face. I opened an eye and found Zac laughing.
“What time is it?”
“Eleven-thirty. I’ve been trying to wake you up for the past fifteen minutes. I’m almost out of peas.” I rolled my eyes and sat up. “Woah. Nice hair babe.”
“Shut up.” I ran my hands through my hair, trying to fix it. “Am I any better?”
“Not really. Come here.” I walked over. He ran his hands through my hair, fixing it. “Your hair is really soft. Has it always been this way?” he asked.
“You don’t remember? You used to run your hands through it every night before you went to bed because you like it so much.”
“I remember now. Running my hands through your hair was one of my favorite pastimes.”
“It was.” I sat down in my chair.
“I miss you, you know,” he said.
“I know. I miss you too.”
“Why aren’t we together?” he asked.
“Because you’re with Lauryn.” He made a face. I thought of something. The bet we made when we were at the restaurant. “Zac, I think I lost that necklace you gave me.”
“You did? Well, you know what that means.”
“I have to break up with Taylor and go out with you.” I smiled. “And I’ll do it too.”
“When I get out of here, I’m going to kick Lauryn out. Send her back home. I want you to come in my room. You know how to take care of me.”
“Alright.”
“And since you’re coming in to take care of me, you might as well stay for the remainder of the tour.”
“So you’re asking me to be your girlfriend?”
“Well, you have to be anyway; you lost the bet.”
“Okay.” I looked at the counter. “Is that my picture?”
“Yeah. It’s done.” I picked up the picture and looked at it. It was simply a picture of me looking at a magazine, but what made the picture great were the things going on behind me. There was a large window behind me, showing the hectic life of the ER—doctors running around and a few with a patient, trying to get to the operating room.
There was another window on the door, and out there was a woman sobbing into her hands. She looked familiar, it took me a while to figure out who it was. It was Mom. Why was she crying? So many ideas ran through my head. Knowing her son was in the hospital, not knowing why or what caused it and knowing that her son has a completely different life from her. I wanted to cry, just thinking about this picture.
“Do you like it? You’ve been staring at it for the past five minutes.”
“It takes that long to have everything sink in. I love it. I think it’s brilliant.”
“You think everything I do is brilliant.”
“That doesn’t make it any less true.” I put the picture back on the counter.
“You can have that one if you want it,” he said it.
“I want all of your work.”
“I’d give it to you if it wasn’t all sold.” I smiled. The door opened and Darling poked her head in.
“We’re here. You ready for us?” I looked over at Zac. He nodded.
“Yeah, you can come in,” I said. The door opened and four people came in. I saw Zac’s breath suck in as he saw his parents.
“Breathe, honey,” I whispered. He rubbed the back of his neck as an uncomfortable silence filled the room. No one really knew what to say. What do you so? You get a call to find our your seventeen-year-old son, who’s a thousand miles away, just had a heart attack. How do you even respond? The silence encompassed the room to the point where I was slightly afraid to move—I might disturb it. But I wanted nothing more to scream at the top of my lungs as an icebreaker.
I was about to say something when Mom ran over to Zac and flung her arms around him. He was surprised by it, but it didn’t even register on the scale to be in his mother’s arms once again.
I bit my lip in excitement. The smile on his face was so genuine, nothing else could compare. “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s okay, baby. Just don’t ever scare me like that again.” Mom sat on the edge of the bed, still with an arm around her son. Dad came by and stood next to Mom.
“You really did scare us, Zac,” he said.
“I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to upset anyone. I shouldn’t have done it, I know, it was stupid, but I’m okay now. Nic’s taking real good care of me. She pretty much hasn’t left my side since I got here.” I looked up to have everyone’s gaze at me.
“Okay, he didn’t let me go anywhere. Stop looking at me like I’m a saint or something.”
“Have you been back to the hotel?” Mom asked.
“Yeah, I go every night while he’s asleep. I leave here around ten and come back around six.”
“Well, it seems you’ve been doing a good job.”
“That’s just because she’s become obsessive over making sure I’m alright,” he said, giving me a pointed look. “But I’ll be alright. I’m ready to get out of here. I want to get rid of hospital food and get some grease back into my diet.”
“Honey, you can’t eat that stuff. You have to worry about your cholesterol,” Mom said.
“Cholesterol? My cholesterol is just fine. I had a blood test; that’s fine. That’s not why I had a heart attack.” Zac looked over at me. “You didn’t tell them why?”
“I didn’t talk to them. Darling did.” Zac looked over at Darling.
“You didn’t say why? Did you lie or did you just not say anything?”
“I didn’t say anything. The reason why completely slipped my mind,” she said, trying to defend herself. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think of it.”
“Mom, Dad, I hate to say this to you, but I didn’t have a heart attack because of the normal reasons,” Zac said. “I had a cocaine overdose.”
“Drugs. Oh Zac...” Mom said, shaking her head. “I thought you were over that.”
“I thought I was too, but I did it. I can’t tell you why I did it, because I really don’t know. I was upset, and it was there. I didn’t know how much was too much, and I ended up here. I’m sorry.”
“We’re going to have to send you to rehab, aren’t we?” Mom asked.
“No,” I said, surprising them. “No, he doesn’t need to go to rehab. This is once in a year; they wouldn’t even admit him. I’ll help him out. Trust me, you don’t need to spend all that money to have him go through that much pain.”
“I take it you’ve been in rehab before?” Mom asked.
“We’re not talking about me here.”
“Zac, where did you get the coke anyway?” Isaac asked from his position by the wall. “Don’t tell me you went out and got some.”
“No! I went in the girls’ room. They had it.”
“They had it? I told them to get rid of it!” Zac shrugged. “I’m going for lunch. Anyone else care to join me?”
“We’ll go,” Darling said. Everyone left except Mom and me. I got up to leave, wanting Zac to spend time with his mother.
“Nic...” Zac said.
“I’m going to get your lunch. You need some time with Mom. I’ll be right back, I promise.”
“You’re going to get my lunch and come right back, right?” he asked, trying to plead with me to not even leave the room.
“Yes, I’ll come right back.”
“And you’re going to run, right?”
“I’m not going to run, Zac. I’ll be back, don’t fret.”
“I’m fretting now.”
“You’re silly. I’ll be right back.” I kissed his forehead and left the room. I know he didn’t want to be there with his mother, but he had to.
As I went to the ‘food station,’ as I called it, I saw Darling and Dad trying to calm down Isaac. “Hey, I’ll be right back,” I said. I went over to the group of familiar people.
“Hey, hey! What the hell is going on here?” I yelled. “Isaac, what are you so upset about?”
“I told them repeatedly to get rid of that stuff. I knew something was going to happen. But they didn’t and now Zac is here after having a heart attack.”
“Isaac, you couldn’t do anything about it. The girls are going to do what they’re going to do. It’s not your fault he’s here. Just stop yelling, he’ll think you’re upset with him if he finds out. Calm down, get your food and come back to the room.”
“Since when have you been in charge here?” Isaac asked.
“Since I’m the only one who knows what’s going on. I’ve been here with Zac since he got here and where were you guys? Back at the hotel in your own happy lives. I haven’t seen any of you try to come and visit, to say hello, you made a mistake; you’re forgiven. He was so afraid that all of you were going to yell at him and shun him because you’ve been avoiding him when he needs you the most! Yeah, he’s going to be just fine, but he’s scared out of his mind still and no one here is fucking helping!” I walked back to the food station and got Zac’s food. I went back to his room and calmed myself down before walking in.
“Lunchtime,” I said, forcing a smile on my face.
“Good, I’m hungry.” I brought his tray table to his bed. I placed his food on top of it. “Hungry enough to eat this.”
“Why are you so hungry? Did you eat all your breakfast?” I asked. “No, because you threw all your peas at me.”
“Who gives peas for breakfast anyway?” I sat down in my chair.
“I don’t know, babe.”
“Okay, I have to ask,” Mom said. “Are you two together again or am I just imagining things?” Zac and I exchanged looks.
“We’re kind of together again. I’m technically still with Lauryn. Once I get out of here she’s going home. Then we’ll be together again.”
“Oh, good. I never liked that Lauryn girl anyway. She seemed like such a slut.” I laughed. How true, I thought. “When do you get out of here, Zac?”
“I’m not sure.”
“The doctor said it wouldn’t be more than two days. He wasn’t definite; he’s getting back to me later today.”
“When did you find this out?” Zac asked.
“I talked to him before I came in here this morning. I would have gotten around to telling you, because you made me take a nap. And looked what happened! You didn’t eat all your breakfast and let me guess, you didn’t take your nap.”
“I took my nap!”
“How long was it? Fifteen minutes? You know you have to sleep for at least an hour and half or you’re tired. And you looked tired.
“I’m not—” he yawned in the middle of his sentence. I gave him a look. “Okay, it was ten minutes. I just couldn’t do it! I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Now can you last through lunch or will I have to ask everyone to come back in a few hours?”
“I’ll be okay.”
“I don’t know, Zac.” He smiled at me. “Fine. Just don’t get grumpy later. What would you do without me, Zac?”
“I’d be very tired and hungry.”
“Now eat your food. All of it. I don’t want to spoon-feed it to you.”
“What are you, my mother?” he asked.
“No, she is. I just took care of you while he wasn’t here.” I smiled at Mom. “And I think I’m doing a pretty good job of it.”
“I think so too,” Mom said. “You going to help out when he gets out of here?”
“Yeah. He’s not going anywhere.”
“Oh, no…” Zac said, and turned over in the bed. He put his head under his pillow.
“You are so mean!” I said. “And you’re going to knock your tray over. Get back here and eat your food, Zac.”
“Ugh, fine.” He turned back around and sat up. “Where’s everybody else? I hope Isaac isn’t mad at me.”
“No he’s not, sweetie. I think they just might have gotten lost. They should be back any minute now.”
“Well I don’t want to eat before they get here.”
“You start eating. They’ll be back before you finish,” I said. “If you don’t shove it down like you tend to do. Small bites, honey.”
“Hey, I got blue jell-o today,” he said, picking up his cup of jell-o. “What flavor is blue?”
“Blueberry.”
“Oh. That makes sense.”
The door opened and everybody walked in with their food. I pulled a table over so they could all eat and still be near Zac.
“Nic, come here. I got your something,” Darling said. I shook my head. “No, come here! I don’t see you eating. You need lunch just like the rest of us.”
“No, I eat a big breakfast and dinner to make up for it.”
“I don’t care what you eat for breakfast and dinner. I care that you’re not eating anything now. If you don’t want to come here it’s fine, you can eat at the counter. But you’re going to eat.” I shrugged and took the tray of food from the table. I walked back over to Zac and sat down in my chair.
“Is this food any good?” I asked Zac, looking at my food. It was exactly what I got for Zac, minus the jell-o.
“It’s pretty good, for hospital food.” He took one of my carrots.
“Hey!”
“What? I like carrots.”
“Why don’t you strike up a conversation with your family? I’m sure they didn’t come all this way to sit and eat hospital food.”
“Alright. Hey Ma!”