Zac was in the hospital, the bullet having hit him. It got him in the left arm, nowhere else. He was fine, just would have his arm in sling for a while. The man who shot him was put in jail on two counts of attempted murder.
Hope sat in the hospital waiting room, crying. She hadn�t been informed about Zac yet. For all she knew he could be dead.
Taylor walked over and took a seat next to her. "He�s gonna be fine. He got shot in the arm, and he�ll have it in a sling for a few weeks, that�s all." Hope didn�t let up. "There�s something deeper than that, Hope. What�s wrong?"
"I could of stopped it, I could of been there but I didn�t shoot. I could have gotten the guy before he got Zac but I didn�t." Hope continued to choke out words between sobs. "I should of killed that guy years ago, this isn�t the first time he�s tried to kill someone I love so much�we�ve crossed many times before. I should of killed him when I had the chance."
"Hope, Zac will be fine. That guy�s in jail and he isn�t gonna get out. Everything�s going to be fine."
"No it isn�t. Someone�s gonna find my weakness and someone�s going to die and there�s nothing I can do about it." Taylor looked at her. Her head was in her hands, and from the part of her face he could see was very red. She�d been sobbing for ten minutes now.
It made Taylor feel insecure about his protector. If she sobbed over a shot in the arm, how could she possibly deal with anything big?
"Hope calm down, he�ll be fine."
"It�s not about him. I could of done better. I could of prevented it."
"You did your best. You did all you could," Taylor said, trying his best to comfort.
"No I didn�t."
"Don�t do this to yourself," Taylor said. He took her hands away from her face. She was afraid to look at him. Her face was all red and her cheeks were wet. "Look at me, Hope."
She glanced at him, but then looked away. "Stay with me," he said, getting in her stare. She let her eyes find his. "I don�t want you doing this to yourself, it�s too much for you. Everything will be alright and there�s nothing you can do now but congratulate yourself. You caught him, Hope. It�s not like he�s out there anymore, he�s in jail."
"I could of done better�"
"You did you best."
"Leave me alone, Taylor." She pushed him away, in a fit of anger. It wasn�t good when the strongest girl in this part of the U.S. was mad. "Just go away. I don�t need you to tell me what went on. You don�t know what I�ve been through. For once Taylor you need to get out of my life. I let you know some things but now you need to mind your own business."
Taylor watched her storm off. She went somewhere and he didn�t know, or care, where that somewhere was. He tried as much as he could to tell her that she did alright, and that she did her job.
She just didn�t want to listen, and that was fine with him. Taylor sat in the seat where she had just been, figuring she wouldn�t be back anytime soon.
"Taylor, where did Hope go?" Diana asked, walking over. "I thought I saw her over here."
"You did, but she decided to run off."
"You better go after her, Taylor. She�s gonna run into traffic or something, her past employer told me that she gets emotional when things like this happen and she�ll go out there and kill herself. You better go out there and get her."
Taylor obeyed his mother like a good boy and went out there to look for Hope. His head was spinning as he ran, trying to look everywhere for another running mass of blonde hair.
In the distance someone was running, faster than Taylor had seen anyone run before. Picking up his pace, he headed towards it. It took him ten minutes to get where he saw her running, and she wasn�t there anymore. Hope wasn�t anywhere that he could see.
Suddenly someone pounced on him from behind and he fell to the ground. He rolled over and Hope was on top of him. "Why are you here?" she asked.
"Well why are you on top of me?"
"To stop you and ask you why you�re here."
"That�s legitimate enough. I�m here to look for you," he said. Hope gave him a confused look.
"Why would you be looking for me?"
"Cause my mom said I should look for you."
"You could get killed out here, being the famous person you are. There�s weird people out here, like bodyguards who like to pounce on clients!" Hope said, smiling.
"Why are you so cheerful all of a sudden? Inside you looked about ready to kill yourself."
"I needed to run a little, I�m fine now."
"My mom wants to send you to a shrink," Taylor said, then realized he was still on the ground. "Uh, can you get off me?" Hope got up and sat down again at a nearby bench.
"She really wants to send me to a shrink? I don�t want to go to a shrink, that�ll prove nothing, I�m not insane or anything like that." Taylor shrugged and sat next to her.
"She thinks you need to tell someone about your �problems.� I overheard her talking to my dad. They know about Jon." Hope sighed and looked away. "And they don�t care."
"You have got to be kidding me." Taylor shook his head. "They knew I slept with him and they knew I had a child with him and they don�t care?"
"They don�t care."
"Did I ever tell you that you�re parents are the best people in the world?" Taylor smiled. "I can�t believe this, I mean if I found out my children�s bodyguard had a kid with her previous client I would fire her!"
"You don�t know my parents. They love you."
"Your parents are insane! Not even my parents love me after what I did."
"Are you so sure about that?"
"Taylor, I haven�t had a home in forever. My dad kicked me out. My mom, I have no idea where she went. She probably died a long time ago. I�m not sure, I haven�t heard a single thing from or about her for the longest time."
"Such a nice thing to say about her," Taylor said, shaking his head.
"Well I don�t know anymore. She can be around or not. I don�t know. My dad�s managing my sister�s career right now."
"You have a sister?" Taylor asked, shifting on the uncomfortable bench. "I never knew you have a sister."
"Tay, you need to ask questions. I would tell you if you just ask. I�m not the kind of person who will walk up to someone and tell them my life story."
"Well that�s your fault. Now tell me about your sister."
"I never really liked her. She�s my twin, but she always acted like she was years older than me. Her name is Tracy, and she�s a bodyguard too. She�s the favorite and I�m the reject. She�s been working for Andrew Keegan for years. I remember her telling me once that she wanted to switch with me. We almost did, we got to the last step but then my father found out and screwed it all up. I found you guys all by myself cause my father wouldn�t have a thing to do with me. I�ve always hated my sister for pushing me into this. I didn�t want to be a bodyguard, I wanted to be a baseball player."
"I could imagine you as a baseball player. I mean you run fast and you�re really strong. Prolly be the best player in the league."
"Prolly. But my sister convinced me to give it a shot. We went into boot camp when we were both six and were the top athletes out of 500 eighteen year old and over dudes. I wanted to go home but somehow I got hooked up with Jonathan and got stuck."
"Why don�t you just quit?" Taylor asked. He knew that could bring up a controversy and she could quit just then and there. Meaning he could lose the best bodyguard he�d had in all his career with a few simple words. Inside he wished she took it the other way.
"I don�t want to."
Yes!!!!!! Taylor smiled, slightly. "Why are you still doing this then? You just told me you hate it."
"I can�t let you down, Tay. I know that you guys won�t get very far without me. I�m the last bodyguard out there that�ll come work for you. That�s why your parents love me so much."
"Are you so sure about that?"
"I was the last one on the market. New recruits come and go all the time. I�m stuck here, just face it."
"I don�t mind you being stuck here." Figures, Hope thought. She looked at him and he had a spacey look on his face. Please don�t tell let this turn into some kind of a fan-fiction story when Taylor falls in love with girl even though she�s not perfect. That�s the last thing we need.
"Don�t even think about it, Tay. I�m still baffling over some other guy, remember?" she asked. Taylor looked distraught and his eyes shifted away. "Oh come on, Tay. You know if you even think about doing anything it�ll be on the front page of all the tabloids in the grocery store. So save yourself some grief and forget about it. It�s bad enough they know my whole story."
"They know your story?"
"Yeah, but I sued them for everything they had so they weren�t able to print it." She got up. "Let�s go back before someone recognizes you."
Back at home, Zac was stuck in bed, sleeping all day from the tons of pain killers the doctor told him to take. Hope watched him from the doorway, chewing on her nails.
He was so innocent. She should be the one with her arm in a sling. She should be dosed up on pain killers and not being able to do anything but sleep. She should be in bed. Zac didn�t have any reason. He didn�t do anything wrong, it was all Hope�s fault.
That�s why they sent her to a shrink.
"Now Hope, tell me everything."
Hope sat in a psychiatrist�s office, not wanting to have anything to do with a �shrink.� Dr. Lira was a nice woman in her mid forties. In her hand was a pencil and a small notebook.
"Why should I say anything, there�s nothing to say," Hope stammered, looking cowardly down at her hands. She couldn�t understand why they sent her to a shrink, she didn�t need any help. She was fine.
"Well clearly there�s something wrong with you, but if you have nothing to say, we have 55 minutes less, you can just sit there and do squat until I let you go. But I�ll continue to ask questions."
Hope sat there, staring at the woman.
"Do you feel responsible?" Dr. Lira asked. Hope looked at her shoes. "I�m sure you do, you are the bodyguard." Hope glanced at Dr. Lira, a first sign that she was getting somewhere.
"Tell me everything."
She didn�t know where to begin. She didn�t know what to say or what to feel. Dr. Lira was right, she did feel responsible for him being shot. But that was no reason to send her to shrink. She�d been doing this all her life�she forgot the rule.
"I forgot all about the most important rule in my job," Hope softly said. Dr. Lira smiled, knowing she was winning.
"And what is that, Hope?"
"Not to grow attached to your client. I was too attached to him so I couldn�t do anything. I feared for him instead of acting on it."
"Hope, you�re a very brave girl. You�re only 15 and you�re putting your life out for others. I believe that is the best thing you can do help people."
"But I don�t want to help people!" Hope said, standing up. She started walking around. "I started out because my sister got me doing this. Then I got hooked up with Jonathan and we became really good friends. Well fuck that now. I had nowhere to go after him so I got hooked up with the Hansons. They�re wonderful people, I mean they love me for some reason."
"Hope, sit down."
"If you want me to talk you�ll let me stand." Dr. Lira shrugged. "Why is it that whenever I like what I�m doing something goes wrong?" Hope finally turned to Dr. Lira. "Why is that? Can you tell me?"
"I don�t have all the answers Hope. I can only help you with whatever bugs you so that you have to come to me."
"This is why."
"Hope sit down, let me tell you a few things." Hope sat down on the couch and rested her chin on her hand. Dr. Lira took off her glasses. "A long time ago, when I just started college, I didn�t know anything about who I was or where I was going to be. I didn�t understand why when things went wrong and why bad things always seemed to happen to good people. I still don�t understand. But I accept them. You should accept that things will go wrong. You�re young yet."
"I don�t care if I�m young! All I know is that I�ve seen a lot of bad things and I�ve been through hell and back being what I am right now and I can�t help it anymore."
"Hope, please. You seem upset�"
"Damn right I�m upset! I don�t know why I�m even a stupid bodyguard anymore! I did all I could�"
"You�re a bodyguard because you enjoy it. You�re doing it for your only friends right now." Hope looked away, out the window of the 10th story on the building. She looked out into Tulsa, sighing.
"They�re all I have right now."
"Hope, I want you to understand this. If they�re all that you have then you can�t go saying things like you want to stop."
"But I want to stop, it�s just I want to stop and still be with them."
"Doesn�t work that way, sweetie."
"Since when can you call me sweetie?" Hope asked, jumping up. Stupid pet names, even from a woman, were something that offended Hope.
"I�m sorry," Dr. Lira said.
"You�re not sorry, you just have to say it. Come on Doc, don�t you hate it when people come up to you and ask �What�s up Doc?� " Dr. Lira nodded. "Then you know where I�m coming from. Don�t call me sweetie, or kid, or girlie or any of those cause I�ll rip someone�s throat out."
"Oh really? How come?"
"Well it�s mostly because of boot camp. They liked calling me and my sister those pet names and they liked making fun of us when we screwed up. Eventually I started hating it and I jumped on my sergeant. Almost got me kicked out of the camp, but he figured I didn�t like it so he did it more."
"Has there ever been another time that you�ve attacked someone because they said that to you?"
"I did with Jonathan. That was half the reason I got fired." Dr. Lira shrugged, putting her feet up on another chair. She wasn�t like most of the doctors Hope knew. Of course she had the stereotype glasses, but she wore jeans and a T-shirt. Her actions were like that of someone Hope�s age, but she talked like a normal 43 year old psychiatrist.
"Have you ever done it with one of your present clients?" Hope had to think about it.
"I almost jumped on Zac once, but I controlled it."
"Why do you think you do that?"
"It gets annoying and I don�t have another way to deal with it. I�ve always been taught that violence was the answer to most problems." Dr. Lira shook her head. "But from the way you�re shaking your head I figure that�s wrong."
"It�s not the way to solve things. Violence will end up in a war if you take it too far."
"You sound like a History book."
"I don�t care. Hope we�re not getting anywhere here�"
"Time!!" Hope yelled and ran out of the room. Dr. Lira sighed. This wasn�t going to be easy.