<BGSSOUND SRC="http://www.geocities.com/hollsgemini/opiate.wav"LOOP="INFINITE"> RANDOM THOUGHTS Why is there the necessity to compete to compare and to feel subordinate to everything and everyone and why is it, when viewed by others it becomes just blatant self pity and self absorption? I am baffled at the lengths we go through to be accepted by others who we think and feel have that much power over our mediocre lives, indeed we are not presupposed to be anything but pawns who play in a game called life and that life however dull and wretched it is, is all that we have. I played that game everyone I know has played that game and no one wins we just accept early failure and move on and become cautious and discreet prudent even. We then move on to create a somewhat stagnant realm where we confuse and delude ourselves into believing that all is well and that we are " normal". What is Normal I have never been it and I don't want to be it cause it is not what I strive to be or ever desire to be. Normal is monotonous, sad and tedious who wants to live a normal life I think no one. Yet there is a bunch of people who stand disassociated from others behind a parameter just looking in and judging, criticizing and well blaming the world's crime and injustice on those who's view of the normal is well being anything but it. I admire those who actually go out there and make their views and opinions voiced and are unapologetic about who they really are and the values that they posses. I am aware that many before me have felt these same sentiments, and I see how easily aloof others can become by just being present to hear some insignificant details of an unnecessary life. Sometimes I baffle myself at how ignorant and self-absorbed and dull I am but no, I am here trying to explain to well no one how I feel. A dead inanimate computer with nothing to offer me but the peace just writing what I feel which is more than anyone ever offered me that may seem ungrateful but the unbridled truth is something I have learned to well accept. I am a pragmatic. I am a practical person who was deluded and fooled into believing that the masses care when in fact all they do is obsess about who they are what they have and they are basically self-indulgent, self-righteous hypocrites who I disassociate myself from. I don't know yet how to view what I have done because it has not been the smartest or most relevant decision made. However it has given me freedom and well a carefree attitude and it has turn me into a skeptic. Which I have been told by some is not a good thing I prefer to be an open-minded person than some ignorant fool who well is brainwashed into a society that he/she/it believes actually cares. I was in the collective conscious you know, where you are na�ve and artless and I got jolted back, well not back since I was never here. I got a shock of reality that was confirmed as being real because what I felt when I awoke was the only moment where everything made sense. It was as though I was like asleep for twenty years and suddenly one morning I start questioning my existence and well the validity of me being here and the reason for little insignificant me to be here? I don't have a reason and well I am in the process of finding one if there is one but till enlightenment I will so remain in the depths of ignorance and utter despondence. I have nothing else to say why am I sounding so depressed and so pessimistic I was so well deluded and lied to that I had no idea of what real life was supposed to be. We all exist here we have a choice of whether to remain and do nothing and bitch about the cause or we can rise above all the disdain and become better people. But why? Why not have a blood bath where we all realize that we are just players and sometimes, not sometimes all the time players get defeated and injured so lets do that. Injure ourselves indefinitely never return to the monotony of this meaningless life. Hey wait what the hell am I talking about I can fall in love and become complete which is a whole different aspect and the only reason I have found so far to remain alive. There is nothing that can compare to being in love and feeling a sense of belonging and a sense of reason. Growing Up TOOL Homepage
RANDOM THOUGHTS
Why is there the necessity to compete to compare and to feel subordinate to everything and everyone and why is it, when viewed by others it becomes just blatant self pity and self absorption? I am baffled at the lengths we go through to be accepted by others who we think and feel have that much power over our mediocre lives, indeed we are not presupposed to be anything but pawns who play in a game called life and that life however dull and wretched it is, is all that we have. I played that game everyone I know has played that game and no one wins we just accept early failure and move on and become cautious and discreet prudent even. We then move on to create a somewhat stagnant realm where we confuse and delude ourselves into believing that all is well and that we are " normal". What is Normal I have never been it and I don't want to be it cause it is not what I strive to be or ever desire to be.
Normal is monotonous, sad and tedious who wants to live a normal life I think no one. Yet there is a bunch of people who stand disassociated from others behind a parameter just looking in and judging, criticizing and well blaming the world's crime and injustice on those who's view of the normal is well being anything but it. I admire those who actually go out there and make their views and opinions voiced and are unapologetic about who they really are and the values that they posses. I am aware that many before me have felt these same sentiments, and I see how easily aloof others can become by just being present to hear some insignificant details of an unnecessary life.
Sometimes I baffle myself at how ignorant and self-absorbed and dull I am but no, I am here trying to explain to well no one how I feel. A dead inanimate computer with nothing to offer me but the peace just writing what I feel which is more than anyone ever offered me that may seem ungrateful but the unbridled truth is something I have learned to well accept. I am a pragmatic. I am a practical person who was deluded and fooled into believing that the masses care when in fact all they do is obsess about who they are what they have and they are basically self-indulgent, self-righteous hypocrites who I disassociate myself from. I don't know yet how to view what I have done because it has not been the smartest or most relevant decision made. However it has given me freedom and well a carefree attitude and it has turn me into a skeptic. Which I have been told by some is not a good thing I prefer to be an open-minded person than some ignorant fool who well is brainwashed into a society that he/she/it believes actually cares. I was in the collective conscious you know, where you are na�ve and artless and I got jolted back, well not back since I was never here. I got a shock of reality that was confirmed as being real because what I felt when I awoke was the only moment where everything made sense.
It was as though I was like asleep for twenty years and suddenly one morning I start questioning my existence and well the validity of me being here and the reason for little insignificant me to be here? I don't have a reason and well I am in the process of finding one if there is one but till enlightenment I will so remain in the depths of ignorance and utter despondence.
I have nothing else to say why am I sounding so depressed and so pessimistic I was so well deluded and lied to that I had no idea of what real life was supposed to be. We all exist here we have a choice of whether to remain and do nothing and bitch about the cause or we can rise above all the disdain and become better people. But why? Why not have a blood bath where we all realize that we are just players and sometimes, not sometimes all the time players get defeated and injured so lets do that.
Injure ourselves indefinitely never return to the monotony of this meaningless life. Hey wait what the hell am I talking about I can fall in love and become complete which is a whole different aspect and the only reason I have found so far to remain alive. There is nothing that can compare to being in love and feeling a sense of belonging and a sense of reason.
Growing Up
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