So, you're ready to join Hogwarts Academy of Magic. Excellent decision. I suppose you've seen our owl. Of course you have, how else would you have gotten here? Silly me. So your first step will be to put on the Sorting Hat. Can't very well be a Hogwarts Student without being in a House. Very silly.
My suggestion for an easy transition to Hogwarts, would be to read the "quite extensive" Rules and FAQ sheet. That, you should notice, is located directly across from this sheet (on the main page). Now when you open the Rules and FAQ page your jaw will instinctively drop. This is to be expected and you shouldn't be concerned. Just pick your jaw up and hook it back on.
So once you are able to move your jaw and speak, you will begin to read this tedious piece of literature. I ask that you be compassionate while reading. Remember that someone wrote this and this person most likely put sweat, blood, and tears into it. -- You won't notice any sweat, blood, or tears on the list as our oversight committee felt it would be best to remove it --.
So after about 30 minutes you realize that you're only a quarter way through it. Take a sigh, you know you want to. Then stop. For Merlin's sake, just stop. Who reads the directions? I know I don't. I mean, seriously. I've never looked at a single instruction booklet in my life. Sure, that bike took me three weeks to assemble, but then I felt like I accomplished something. I didn't need no stupid Rules and FAQ book to tell me how to put my bike together. I personally like the handle bars backwards. And how would the instruction book company know this?
Hopefully you'll take my advice and, um, r-e-a-d the Rules/FAQ. I'm sure the headmaster will be disappointed with my comments on the Rules/FAQ text. Such a stickler. But hey, someone has to be it. It sure isn't me. I mean, who thought I would be a good Deputy Headmistress? I don't think a day went by in my youth when I wasn't causing mayhem or something. Yes, the good old days.
Well that's my speech, welcome to Hogwarts. I do hope you enjoy your stay here. I know I've always felt like Hogwarts was my home. Once you're there you'll be enchanted and forever never want to leave. One more thing - "Read" the Rules/FAQ. I sure hope the Headmaster doesn't see this scroll.
But in all serious, the headmaster is truly a wonderful person. I am sure that once you get to know him you will agree. I am, by nature, a person who takes things lightly. I'm sure you will notice that I mock myself at times as well. And if anyone wants to slight me, all I ask is that you make it funny. I do hope you enroll, you won't regret it.
Sincerely Yours,
Catie Weston
Hogwarts Academy of Magic Deputy Headmistress
Charms Professor
Order of the Sword, 1st Class
