Taking Chances
chapter 4
by Ritz
Hiei--"Awareness"
Ritz's note: Ano~ Here's the continuation of my slow-moving fic. *sighs* I don't know, I just don't feel like rushing Hiei and Kurama...maybe I'm too damn descriptive for my own good. Anyways, hope you like it! ^.~ Standard disclaimers, I WISH I own these kawaii characters but I don't. They belong to Togashi-sama. *smiles* I just get to play with them. ^.~
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Jumping from tree branch to tree branch, I neared the Kuwabara household caustiously. I sure as hell didn't want to see my sweet innocent Yukina with that fool but this was important to her. I should be there. At least be there for a little while, enough to see Yukina and--
Kurama.
I stopped on a branch and blinked. Kurama? Where did that come from? I don't want to see him...
Sure, the voice in my head said wryly, that's why you dream about him at night, right?
Shut up! I snarled back. Those were just dreams! They don't mean anything! They...I closed my eyes, recalling the vividness of the dreams, the passion, the heat, and the love that I shared with my fox.
I inhaled sharply at the last thought. My fox? Wha--? How did I get that? He's not mine, I told myself, he's Kurama. Not mine. A damn youko, and youkos weren't exactly known for allowing others to put claims on them.
Kurama probably forgot all about the night and moved on, I told myself, so, it should be safe to see Kurama for a while. I resumed my pace toward the house, ignoring the errant little voice that told me that Kurama just wouldn't rush into anyone's arms after me. That it just wasn't Kurama. That he loved me.
"This person is the only one I've ever loved."
"It's always been...you. Hiei...I love you."
I shook my head angrily, denying the memory immediately. There's no way he would still have feelings for me. It's been a month already and I'm sure that he's found someone else. Once I do see him with someone else, I told myself firmly, the dreams will go away. After all, there's no way he can still love me that long. I paused, but why does it hurt so much to think of Kurama with someone else? The dreams, I concluded. It's gotta be the dreams.
As I neared the fool's house, Kurama's ki struck me like a whiplash. Funny how I always felt his ki before anyone else's, I mused. I smiled slightly at the feel of his ki, warm, vibrant, beautiful. So much like the person. I ended up on the window sill outside the bathroom. Kurama was staring into a mirror and running a hand through his hair.
I caught my breath as I watched the dark red strands slide between his fingers. He shook his head slightly and his hair swung gently before resting over his shoulders and down his back again. My eyes raked over him, taking in those deep green eyes, darkened and puffy but still enticing. They moved to his lips, noting the fullness and the sensual cleft of his upper lip--
Sensual.
I trembled slightly. When did I start noticing that? Was the sensuality always there? Or did I just imagine it there due to those dreams? I was seeing Kurama in a different light, noticing little things about him that never would have crossed my mind. Not only that, I was noticing more things about the world too. The air felt crisper, cleaner. I could smell the scent of grass, I could feel the stars at night, twinkling, looking down at me. When I touched things, I felt the texture under my fingertips, felt the softness of silk more vibrantly and the jagged edges of stone.
Awareness.
That was the problem. I was more aware of him and the world around me since he confessed his feelings for me.
"The world becomes beautiful. Everything seems...alive."
He was right. I could feel my body becoming alive slowly. My heart was also...
"Damn kitsune." I muttered. I decided. I would talk to him quickly, see Yukina, then leave. I can't afford to fall in love. It's a trap. Not only for me but for everyone else. There are too many people after my throat and I can't risk endangering the two most important people in my life.
Lifting the window and slipping in, I said, "Che kitsune, still as vain as ever, aren't you?"
He started and froze at my voice. His eyes shifted as he sought to see me in the reflection of the mirror. A smile broke out on his face as he turned around to face me and his voice plainly expressed the joy he felt as he said, "Hiei!"
I sucked in my breath and stared at him. I wasn't expecting this. I wasn't expecting him to be so estatic about my return. I quickly wiped the astonishment off my face and hopped off the sill, "Hn."
"You came!" Kurama said happily, his eyes never leaving me.
I snorted, pretending to be disgusted by his lack of tact but it was to cover for my jumbled feelings. I felt happiness beyond belief at the fact that he still seemed to care. But I felt wary at the same time. I can't afford to feel this way. I was just entangling myself deeper and deeper into this web. I can't...
He took a step forward, closing the distance between us. He kneeled down so we were eye to eye and grasped my forearms.
I hissed a little in surprise. What was he doing?
Keeping a firm but gentle grip on my right arm, he raised his left hand and it traced down the contours of my chest, just centimetres from touching the dark fabric.
I stared down at him, trying to gauge his expression but he kept his face bowed. Suddenly, he surprised me by looking up, his emerald eyes bright with unshed tears. "Hiei," He whispered in a choked voice, "it's you. You're back." Before I could react, he threw his arms around me, pressing his face into my chest. I could feel his body trembling as he held me, clutching onto me desperately. "You're back." He whispered again, "It's really you."
I shut my eyes, unable to control the joy and happiness that broke over me like a tidal wave. Yet I still couldn't help feeling the underlying edge of fear. I stepped out of his embrace as gently as I could.
He looked away, hiding his face with his hair, "Gomen." He whispered, his voice heavy with sudden despair, "I didn't mean to take advantage."
I didn't have a clear idea of what I was doing, all I knew was that I couldn't bare to see the sorrow that crossed his face. Before I knew it, I had laid a hand on his shoulder. "Take me to Yukina, fox." I told him, flashing a bit of fang.
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Ritz ^.~ June 18-19, 1998
