(Hermosa, HIA) Controversy reigned among the intellectual elite of the HIA after the recent John Henry Day celebrations when Barb Abeln�s and Andrew Taylor�s theories about why all the spouses of Abeln children were quiet and reserved were made public. Abeln and Taylor suggested that it was because Abeln children deliberately seek out those who will not upstage them - since there is already enough of that kind of competition among the two brothers and three sisters. Whether a spouse�s reservedness was proportional to the Abeln child�s need for attention was not commented upon, but Denise Hardesty (known as a l�il bitch anyway), assumed this was probably the case. �It just seems to be a reasonable hypothesis, doesn�t it?� Hardesty stated. This was where the controversy began, as it was alleged by Taylor that he was the most reserved of all the spouses. His wife, Renee Abeln-Taylor, was both shocked and stunned by this turn of events. �There is no WAY that I am the loudest Abeln!�, Abeln-Taylor was heard to exclaim. Taylor retorted, �Oh come on!� At this point it was decided that there may in fact be some truth in the theory, known as the Theory of Ablenness (or the Albino Factor), but that there are levels to be considered in each candidate. After much discussion it was decided that they are loudness, desire for attention, one-upmanship and trouble-making - know in the scientific field by the following acronyms: HLTM (Hey Listen to Me!), HLAM (Hey Look At Me!), HIEF (Hey I�m Even Funnier!), and HIAS (Hey I�m A Shit-stirrer!) It is obvious that an over-all score would surely prove who is the most Abeln of the Abeln children, but the hierarchy of Abelnness in the remaining four needs to be assigned as well, which could prove to be more difficult. It was also agreed that certain people, though not born into the Abeln family, nevertheless seem to have developed Abeln characteristics or �symptoms�. It is not known how - it may be a contagious condition, a dormant gene that needs special conditions to develop, or even a mutation of some sort. But these individuals need to be included and assessed to complete the study. It is unknown what the consequences of this study may be, but as Hardesty states, �It is time we all know, and to hell with the implications!� It is for this reason that you, the readers of the HIA newsletter, are encouraged to help with the study. We ask you to score each individual on the accompanying questionnaire in the categories defined above: HLTM, HLAM, HIEF. Results will be posted here on the HIA newsletter as soon as they are known. |
| It�s Like the Scope Monkey Trials All Over Again - Only With Abelns!! by Roxy Abeln-Taylor |