by Melody Gardner
It's like this -- I haven't written a word in, oh, about three months. (I've been a little busy.) A few months ago, it became obvious that my oh-so-solid-looking relationship was going to -- well, it was going to crap. I won't go into the reasons here because, well, that's water under the proverbial bridge. But shortly after the walls of that relationship came crashing down around me, I found myself on the telephone with a dear, dear friend. He and I had been coworkers and friends for several years now, and over the years he'd become one of my best friends, my closest confidantes. I was a shoulder for him during his divorce, and he was there for me during my tough times too. Neither of us ever expected to wind up together... until that night on the phone. It started with a simple discussion about what we wanted from our lives. I mean, what we really, really wanted. We were shocked to discover that we wanted exactly the same things, and he -- my dear, dear friend -- said to me, "Melody, be careful or I'll come over there and sweep you off your feet..." And that's precisely what he did, and we've been together ever since.
One of the best parts about turning a strong friendship into a full-scale relationship is that, in the beginning, you get to skip that whole get-to-know-each-other posturing and posing B.S. You already know each other well -- flaws and all -- and it just makes everything so easy. I could be myself with him (and he with me), and once we put this relationship together we realized quickly that we never wanted to be apart again. To both of us, it felt wrong not to be together. So we did what any couple who finds the love of a lifetime does -- we got married. Yes, married. On a perfect Monday evening last July, we stood on the back of a beautiful boat and took vows to spend our life together, and I've never had a moment of doubt that it was the right thing to do.
This man, my husband, has completely changed my life. Completely. He's taught me patience, and those who know me well can attest to the fact that patience has never been a virtue with which I've been in touch particularly well. He's taught me what it means to show love and affection and kindness to people who, in many cases, may not be deserving of that love. He's made me a stepmother to five (although three of the children are grown), so I only get to be a stepmother about half the time when the girls are with us. He's brought joys to my life I had never known, had never really understood -- the fun of watching a 7-year-old score her first soccer goal, the exhilaration of watching a 13-year-old cross the finish line at a track meet, the ways you find intimacy not just in the bedroom, but in the seemingly mundane parts of everyday life. Like grocery shopping while holding hands. Like stealing a kiss over the sink while loading the dishwasher. Like feeling his lips brush the back of my neck when I'm standing at the sink brushing my teeth. Like feeling him slip his arm around me when we're walking the dogs. Like laughing together over something silly on our morning commute. Truthfully, I'm blessed every moment of every day because of all that he's brought to my life.
The reaction from our family and friends has been -- well -- mixed. No, strike that. Our real friends have been overwhelmingly positive and happy for us (they do know us best), and they see how happy we make each other. Our families have been mostly positive as well. The girls have adjusted well, and that was our biggest concern. We've had a few negative comments, but none from anyone who is really a part of either of our lives. Don't get me wrong -- we had a handful of people who were legitimately concerned that we got married so soon, but they quickly saw what everyone else already knew -- that we were doing the right thing for us both.
Only a few people continue to see our marriage as negative, but none of those people are part of our lives in any real way. Those reactions have been really interesting to me, in fact, because I've only been surprised by a few of them. Some are direct, such as the couple of people who said outright (however incorrectly), "This will never work." (We respected them for it, though, because we felt they were only thinking of what was best for us.) The most interesting, though, have been the indirect reactions, and I have to admit they've been the biggest surprise. We've had a very small handful of folks who've taken the coward's route to letting us know how they feel about our marriage. And by that, I mean they've taken to rumor-spreading, name calling, backbiting. Oh, make no mistake that they've put on a good face, a plastic one anyway). They've patted us on our backs with their tacky Fu-Manchu-esque acrylic nails and then said nasty things about us behind our backs moments later. They've spoken to us sweetly to our faces, and then when our backs were turned they've lied and slandered us unmercifully -- even, tragically, to the children. I even had an old boyfriend call me up -- drunk, as an added bonus -- to tell me he'd like to be my friend, and then admit his sexual indiscretions to me just to try to make me -- I don't know -- jealous? (Um.... all it made me think was, ewwww.) What we've discovered, though, is that these handful of people -- these plastic people -- don't really know us at all. They aren't part of our lives, and they don't want to be. Not really. They want our lives to be the way that they think our lives should be, and they can't stand to see us happy. We've discovered that the best revenge is no revenge at all, or then again, that the best revenge is to love and enjoy each other just as we always have, and to let those who have nothing good to say -- well, quite frankly, they can take their opinions and shove them right alongside the stick they've got crammed so far up their backsides.
My husband (it still feels so good to call him that) is, in all honesty, the greatest gift God has ever given me. And even though I never -- not in a grillion years -- thought I'd be married to this man, I truly believe I'm the luckiest woman in the world. He makes me feel loved like I've never felt loved before. He's my partner, my lover, and my very best friend, and I'll never be able to show him how much he really means to me.
But I'll spend my life trying to show him. Because his love and his companionship are a gift I promise to never, ever take for granted.
I love you, Terry. Madly.