by Melody Bowen
Like Sands Through the Hourglass
Hmm... where to begin?
Well, how about this? I'll never be able to write in detail about all that I've seen, heard, and done lately, so I'll start with the "laundry list" and go from there. Fair warning: this list runs the gamut from love lives to legal woes. [Cue the cheesy soap opera-esque music here.... "Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of my life...]
Since I last wrote, here's what's happened, beginning with the worst news:
1. A dear friend in Oklahoma was run off the road and brutally attacked with a baseball bat by her estranged spouse. In the ensuing battle for her life, she shot him. No, that's not a typo. Yes, she... shot... him... Dead? No. But he'll be limping for quite a while. Prison? No. She had a protective order, and she wasn't charged in the shooting (thank God). However, I find myself constantly worried about her safety, because this psychopath has come after her four -- count them, four -- more times, and she fears that it's reached the point where one of them will end up dead. [If you're the praying sort, please say a little prayer for my friend's safety.]
2. A dear friend's sibling went to jail for two years for writing bad checks. (Yes, my dear readers, both Martha Stewart and my friend's sibling must face prison sentences, yet the bat-wielding psychotic ex-husband of my friend in Oklahoma roams the streets a free man. Makes you feel safe, no?)
3. A good friend (and a boyfriend from years past, in fact) lost his job in a massive layoff and was offered a new position in a faraway state at roughly twice the largest salary I've ever made... and turned it down because "it just didn't feel right". (How I admire his chutzpah for turning it down for that reason! Incredibly brave, yes?)
4. My boyfriend and I ended our relationship's brief "intermission" and reconciled. When we saw each other, everything that was once so fuzzy was finally crystal clear, and we realized how happy we are when we're together. I had a true epiphany when I realized that this man really knows how to make me happy, and I realized that years from now, when we're old and wrinkled and blue-haired and slow, long after the heat of our romance has gone lukewarm, we'll still talk and laugh and love each other just as we do now. That's a rare and amazing gift in a relationship, and I just can't let that go.
5. My boyfriend and I celebrated our reconciliation by taking an impromptu vacation (well, a working vacation, I guess) to Texas, where he taught at Camp Bluegrass. I took banjo classes from some of the best banjo players in the world (my boyfriend included, of course), and we had an absolutely fabulous time. I met and jammed with some fantastic people (Hi Sue! Hi Shane!) , and I played in my first real jam session. (On a side note, I discovered that my boss is a very kind person... He didn't fire me when I called him at home at 10:30 on a Saturday night to ask if I could take the following week off to go to bluegrass camp!) On a side note, someone I'd just met told me my smile was beautiful and "lit up the room". It was an incredibly kind gesture that honest-to-Blahnik made my week.
6. For the first time ever, I saw my boyfriend perform on stage alone in front of a pretty big audience, and I saw what an incredible gift he has for entertaining. I came to understand that he's better than just a "great" musician; he's a phenomenal entertainer and a gifted teacher. (And all I could say was, "Wow... wow... wow...")
7. I met a woman who sported not only a mustache but a full goatee, and I said a silent prayer of thanks that despite all that goes wrong with my body, I don't have to deal with weird facial hair.
8. My brother-in-law called to tell me that my stepmother had bought and moved into a new house only a block from my office. The "whole family" got together a couple of weeks ago to help her move. After his call, I made arrangements to go see the new place and to get my childhood tricycle (which my father had saved for sentimental reasons). I went there mostly because my stepmother told me the tricycle was "in the way in her garage". I had a brief, stiff-but-polite visit with her, picked up my tricycle from her garage that's so full of junk that a car will never fit inside, and I realized something important -- life-changing, actually. I'm not a family member anymore now that Dad is gone. I realize now that I'm the daughter of the man she loved, but I'm not really her daughter. No matter what's been said before, I'm not really part of the family anymore. As I drove away, I somehow felt I'd probably never see her again.
9. My boyfriend and I realized that we can no longer live 500 miles apart, and we finally have to make some changes if we really want to be together. We've accepted the fact that one of us has to move, and now we just have to decide which one it's going to be. [Cue the soap opera music again.] Will he move to Arkansas, or will I move to Nashville?
On a side note, my mother informed me that if I move to Nashville, she will eat one pellet of rat poison every single day that I'm gone. Until she's dead. She then informed me that if my boyfriend and I elope without her knowledge, she'll increase her rat poison dosage to two pellets per day. She thought her threats were hilarious. (Somehow I get the impression she doesn't want me to move to Nashville. What do you think? Somehow I think she could be bluffing...)
10. Last but not least (well, maybe this is least, come to think of it...), I adopted a cute little chinchilla and named her Chile ("Chi Chi" for short). I quickly discovered that she was incredibly unhappy with my pugs surrounding her cage whining and snorting, and she showed her discontent by pooping constantly. (I've never seen a caged animal that could actually somehow poop outside of its cage, but somehow Chi Chi managed to do it. I've also never seen an animal so small produce so much poop!) Ultimately I realized that Chi Chi would be a lot happier somewhere else -- and that I would be much happier not having to clean up "chinchilla chit" all the time (ewwwww!) -- and now, less than two weeks after she joined my family, Chi Chi has found a new home with my friend Jessica and her family. (Thanks, Jess.)