I watched her go, a sinking feeling coming to my stomach as I replayed some of the doubtful words Aaron had shared with me over lunch.
He�s fifteen. He doesn�t know anything.
I can help her, and she does want me.
Leaving the house, we ran through the rain that had slowed to a light drizzle, lightning still illuminating the sky every few minutes, and climbed into the car. No words were shared as we left my house for the airport.
She�s probably just as deep in thought as me.
Why is she dressed like a gothic punk rocker? Under any other circumstances, I probably wouldn�t question it, but this� she was almost in tears when she got back, and she wouldn�t even look at me. I want to tie the two things together, but I don�t know how.
Kara kept looping one of the bondage straps of her skirt around her fingers, twisting until it got tangled in her hand before letting it go. She kept her face turned towards her side window, gazing down at the storm and the impossibly dark clouds. We�d been in the car for a good fifteen minutes as I fought to figure out where I stood with her.
Should I say something? Apologize for last night?
She�d let me get close enough to touch her without flinching or turning away. Just not her face. She left when I reached for her face. Did she even see me try to do that? She wasn�t really looking at me at all.
What happened today? What did she think about all last night? Did she come to some conclusion that I wasn�t worth anything to her, that she didn�t want me anymore? That she never really wanted me?
No, Nick, stop it. Don�t think like that. You�re starting to sound like Aaron.
�Kara, I�m sorry for last night. I shouldn�t� I shouldn�t have gotten angry. I shouldn�t have left you by yourself.�
The words left my mouth before I could even attempt to come up with the courage to say anything, like my subconscious wanted this to all be done and over with that it was taking over.
�I shouldn�t have yelled��
�It�s okay, Nick. You don�t have to apologize.�
Her voice was distant and quiet beneath the rain hitting the roof of the car. She might have gone on, but I didn�t hear it.
When I glanced over at her, she hadn�t turned away from the window and her hands were balled into loose fists in her lap, her breathing shallow as if she were still fighting back tears.
Please don�t start crying. We�ll be late to pick up Toby. I�ll have to stop somewhere, so I can try and comfort you.
�But Kara, I was stupid and I went��
�Don�t worry about it. I understand.�
I looked at her again, blinking in slight confusion when she didn�t even try to look at me.
What did I do? If she really didn�t care or wasn�t feeling hurt by it anymore, she would look at me, right? She wouldn�t be avoiding my eyes.
I should tell her about going back to the restaurant. She should know about that before someone brings it up.
Or did someone already tell her? Maybe that�s why she�s acting like this!
�Please keep your eyes on the road, Nick.�
Whoa� how�d she know�
*
I felt his eyes leave me, hopefully returning to the other cars on the highway and the incredible amount of rain that was pouring from the sky. I hate driving in the rain like this.
Thunder lit up the clouds for a moment, and I jumped in surprise as it came crashing down.
How is a plane going to land in all of this?
�I think we might be waiting for a little while.�
Did I just voluntarily say something that could start a conversation? That will bring his attention back to me?
�Yeah, probably. At least there isn�t anything planned tonight.�
Not like I would go if there were. I don�t even think you being as cute as you are could convince me to go anywhere tonight.
We both grew silent while the traffic grew slower as we moved closer to the airport. Biting my lip, I tried to move past my anxiety caused by the proximity of Nick to the bruises on my face in order to focus on what I should do about Toby. He�s going to know the moment he sees me. Even if he just heard me over the phone or something, he�d know. I have to keep him from mentioning it to Nick. I don�t want to have to explain to Nick. I have to keep them from explaining it to Nick.
Glancing down at the phone I still clutched in my hand, I flipped it open to see the message light blinking up at me.
Shit� he�s been calling me all day. He�s probably already freaking out.
Calling my voice mail, Nick glanced at me for a second before returning his attention to the highway. I nearly dropped the phone when it said I had twelve messages.
�Hey Kara, it�s me. It�s about eight-ish here. Calling to see how you were doing this morning. Call me when you get this.�
It beeped before Toby�s voice came on again.
�Toby again. I forgot to tell you I moved the flight up a few hours. Be there at five Tampa time, gate sixty-three. See you in a few.�
I chewed n my lip as it beeped again, giving a time about thirty minutes later.
�Miss Macintosh, if you could do me a favor and call my brother sometime soon, I�d appreciate it. If you don�t, I might have to kill Toby before we ever make it on to the plane.�
Trevor called? To get me to call Toby? Damn it! He�s probably driving them all nuts�
�Uh, Kar, it�s me again. It�s ten thirty and you haven�t called me back yet. Sorta freakin� me out. You said you were going to be busy today, so you have to already be awake. Why aren�t you answering your phone, baby sister?�
Shit!
�Hey girl, it�s Marc. Calling to inform you that I will be accompanying your friends to this wedding thing in Florida. If you need me to kick some ass, I�m at your service. See ya in a few hours.�
The voice changed to a more calming one than all the others, no irritation apparent at all.
�Hey Kar, it�s Ryan. Just calling to tell you I remembered your other guitar. Also, if you get this before two-ish, call Toby or one of us. He�s really starting to freak out. Knowing you, your phone is sitting somewhere in whatever bedroom you�re sleeping in, ringing off the hook, but he�s convinced the dumbass brothers have kidnapped you. So call one of us, would you?�
More worried messages followed, all Toby, until I got to the last one.
�Ryan�s trying to convince me you left your phone somewhere, which� could be possible. If you get this soon, call me. It�s around noon here. Your voice mail claims its full, but it let me through one last time. I know you�ll be at the airport on time. Nick knows. I hope you�re okay, and you just left your phone on his coffee table last night. I�ll see you in a few hours.�
Erasing all the messages, I flipped my phone shut.
�You talked to Toby?�
*
Taking the exit that would lead us to the right side of the airport, I glanced over at Kara, who was staring down into her lap, where her phone sat cradled in her hands.
�Uh� yeah. That�s how I knew about the flight being moved up. He� he called you last night.�
When she didn�t say anything for a few minutes, just stared down at her phone, I figured the conversation was over. I was wrong.
�You answered my phone? Last night?�
Oh no� she wasn�t supposed to find out about that. I knew she�d get mad.
�Yeah� I�d just gotten back, and it was ringing. I didn�t even know it was your phone until I looked at it, and it said Toby was calling. I figured that� it had to be important. It was late. He was just calling to let you know their flight got changed.�
Pulling into a parking lot near the terminal the guys were supposed to arrive at, I watched her rub her finger over the phone case, seemingly lost in her own little world.
�Did he say why?�
Was there a why?
�No, just said it got moved up.�
Did he tell you there was a reason behind it?
Pulling into a parking space, I saw her nod slightly before opening the door, glancing up at the slowing rain before slipping out of the car. Without even a glance back towards me, she slammed the door shut and jogged across the street, towards the nearest door.
What was that?
�I don�t know what�s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don�t know why I instigate
And say what I don�t mean
I don�t know how I got this way
I know it�s not all right
So I�m breaking the habit
I�m breaking the habit tonight.�