�Just the other day I felt I had you by a string
Just the other day I felt we could be everything
But now when I see you, you�re somebody else
In somebody�s eyes and your skin.�
Nick didn�t catch up with me until I was standing near the metal detectors leading to the wing of the airport we needed to be in. I was standing aside, letting others go through as I removed the chains from my clothing. Leaning forward, I was focusing my attention on a difficult clasp when I noticed a pair of Nikes stop in front of me.
�What are you doing?�
What does it look like I�m doing?
Ugggggh! Be nice, Kara. He hasn�t done anything to you.
Besides answering my phone and talking to my best friend without me knowing about it. You shouldn�t do that. There�s no telling what else Toby might have told him!
�Undoing my shackles so I can get through the metal detectors.�
*
There was a biting tone to her voice I hadn�t ever heard before. It was different from the way she�d talked to Brittney that first night at dinner. It was more self-conscious � like she was angrier with herself than she was upset with whoever had done something to her. Which I guess would be me.
Reaching out, I grabbed the two chains she had in her hands, so she could undo the ones on her arms. When she glanced up at me, it was second nature for me to reach out and attempt to rub away the slight stream of black that�d run down her cheek from the rain outside. Flinching, she quickly reached up and pushed my hand away, turning her head to concentrate on the chains.
Okay, I seriously don�t think I�ve ever met this girl before. This isn�t Kara. Not at all. At least the past two days, I could see this little glimmer of her hiding beneath all the pain. What�s going on? Why is she acting like this?
Finished, she grabbed the chains out of my hand and walked towards the metal detectors, handing them to the airport worker, whose eyes traveled down her body with a strange look, and walking through somehow without a hitch. Taking the chains back, she started walking away.
Pretending like I didn�t even exist.
*
Breathe, Kara. Stop shaking, stop freaking out, and just breathe.
Oh god! He could have noticed! He could have seen it. He could know� he could� Toby could have told him.
Damn it! I�m about to pass out.
Getting dizzy, I turned the corner and leaned up against the wall, pressing my forehead against the cool tile as I felt my stomach twist against itself.
Breathe, Macintosh. Passing out right now really won�t help things.
I don�t know how much time had passed, minutes, hours� days maybe, but as I tried to remember the simple act of breathing, hands landed on my hips, and my entire body tensed when I felt someone behind me.
�What the hell is going on, Kara?�
Don�t cry. Don�t cry. Don�t cry!
*
My jaw clenched on its own will, my words coming out sounding more like a threat than any form of comfort or concern. She didn�t relax at all, her body staying rigid as she leaned against the wall, almost as if she was trying to stay as far away from me as possible.
�I think I�m going to be sick.�
Before I could decipher the mumbled words, she was gone, rushing away until she disappeared into a door further away from me. Closing my eyes for a second, I tried to swallow my panic before I reached down and picked up the chains that had fallen from her hands. Walking towards the door she�d disappeared behind, I debated with myself whether to wait for her here or at the gate we were supposedly heading towards.
With a sigh, I began walking away, leaving her to do whatever the hell it was she was doing.
Not like she cares if I�m here anyway.
*
Leaning the right side of my face against the cold bathroom stall, I tried to determine if my stomach was through heaving against things I hadn�t ever eaten. Flushing the toilet, I grimaced as I pulled myself slowly off of the grimy parquet floor. Unlocking the door, I stepped out into the fluorescent light that turned my face a darker shade of green than what it probably already was. I slipped off my glasses and gazed into the mirror, debating whether my makeup was salvageable or if I needed to start all over again.
I look like I just got hit by a car.
My shirt was disheveled and the gloves were slowly falling down my forearms. My hair was tangled from where I�d quickly pulled it back before losing the nonexistent contents of my stomach. My makeup had run down my face as the tears of pain and frustration had slipped out of my eyes, refusing to comply with my wishes.
And my face was green. Even when you weren�t talking about the bad lighting or the large bruise that was now the left side of my face.
�Oh my gosh, are you okay?!�
Turning around, I saw a blonde woman appearing to be in her early thirties looking at me aghast, completely horrified by my strange fashion sense and green face most likely.
�Ye� yeah, I�m okay. I thought��
I trailed off, not knowing what I�d thought when I rushed through the door marked �employees only.�
�Should I call a doctor? You look horrible! Are your parents around here?�
mmediately shaking my head, I turned back to the mirror, fumbling with my bag to find what I�d need to fix my face back to its gothic glory.
�No, I�m fine. I just� I got sick, and this was the nearest bathroom. I�m sorry. I shouldn�t be in here, but if you�d just let me��
�But your face, honey! How did you get these bruises?�
Sighing, I let her turn me towards her, examining the swollen eye and bruises on my cheek as if she could even tell what they really looked like beneath the makeup and through the bad lighting.
�I�m a klutz. I was coming down the stairs in my house and tripped. There�s a big wooden banister at the bottom, and I hit it. I�m actually kinda surprised I didn�t do more damage. The doctor said I should have probably broken one of my facial plates.�
Adding hand gestures to show her the size of the �banister� I�d bashed my face into, the woman bought it without hesitation.
�Plus, I�ve been getting over this weird flu thing. That�s what I think made me sick. I�m not too good with cars right now. The medication I�m on gives me really bad motion sickness, but my brother insisted I come with him to pick up his fianc�e and her family.�
I�m a really good liar with people I don�t know. I learned from one of the best � my mom lied to me for seventeen years.
The lady nodded and patted my shoulder before she turned to go into one of the stalls.
�I�m sorry to hear that. Don�t worry about it. You clean up and stay in here as long as you need to.�
�Thank you, ma�am.�
When she disappeared from my sight, I breathe a silent sigh of relief and glanced at myself in the mirror once again before continuing to dig through my bag for my makeup and a hairbrush.
*
Kara doesn�t love me. There�s no way she�ll ever love me. She won�t even let me touch her anymore. Why did she have to fall apart just to become some completely different person all of a sudden? Why did she stay around those idiots who took my Kara away? Why did she let them kill her?
It�s hopeless.
Even with Toby, there isn�t any hope she�ll ever be the same. She hates me.
What did I do that made her hate me so much?
*
Standing out of his sight, I watched Nick fidget in one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs that airports purposely put in, hoping that they can irritate their customers as thoroughly as possible. His baseball cap pulled low over his eyes, he was staring at the ground, leaning forward slightly at the waist with his arms resting on his legs.
I�m such a bitch.
Tilting my head forward, I made sure my hair was sufficiently covering the left side of my face before I stepped any closer to him. My hands wouldn�t stop shaking as I walked around the row of chairs behind him and came around to his left side, slipping into the vacant chair next to him.
�He told you I�d be pretending to sleep, didn�t he?�
He jumped when I spoke to him, not having seen my approach while he focused on his own private thoughts. Turning to me, he held out the multiple chains I�d left in the middle of the floor when I�d rushed off earlier. Taking them from him carefully, I looked down at his empty hand for a moment before turning completely away and reattaching my clothes.
�Yeah� he did.�
Nodding, I didn�t look back at him, turning away completely as I slipped the clasps through the loop on my shoulder. The silence we inevitably fell under was broken by a question I didn�t want to answer.
�Why won�t you talk to me?�
His voice was so sad.
I hurt him. Bad this time.
I felt an icy knot form in the middle of my chest, dripping down into the raw lining of my stomach. And words I knew better than to say came out before I could even stop to think about the real answer.
�I have nothing to say.�