�I don�t mind spending everyday
Out on the corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
And she will be loved
She will be loved.�
�So does that work, Mike?�
I�d tried to stay in the background for most of the morning, knowing that the moment one of them paid attention to me, it�d be the end. The end of what exactly, I wasn�t so sure.
�That�s fine. Whatever you want, sweetheart.�
Angie glanced over at me after Mike�s curt string of words. Turning to his brother who�d been plastered to his side from the moment he�d gotten there, he whispered something and they turned to walk away.
�We�ll be back later.�
And they walked out, leaving me in relief and Angie completely speechless.
�I don�t know what�s gotten into him. He wasn�t like that this morning.�
Where the hell were you, woman? Yeah, he was like that this morning!
She turned to me and frowned, something she�d been doing from the moment she drove into the parking lot and saw me sitting on the hood of Nick�s Durango with a notebook in my lap and Nick nowhere in sight.
�I still can�t believe you�re wearing that stuff. You look like a hooker at a Marilyn Manson concert.�
I stared at her like she was nuts.
�I�d be wearing black makeup if I went to a Marilyn Manson concert. And fishnet tights.�
Glancing down at the visible skin of my arms, I held them up for her inspection.
�And black fingerless gloves that went up to my elbows and attached to the shoulders of my shirt by chains.�
Angie rolled her eyes and turned away from me.
�Sad thing is, I know you have all of that somewhere.�
�Yeah, but it�s not this. Right now I�m just Britney fucking Spears� evil twin.�
A smile flashed across my cousin�s face as she began to laugh, shaking her head slowly in disbelief.
�You�re too much sometimes, Kara.�
Sometimes it�s easier to make other people laugh than it is to make yourself happy.
Actually, it�s always easier.
*
�Come on, guys. We�re going to be late.�
I was standing in the living room of Ryan�s house, having just finished fifteen minutes of pacing as I waited for him to get his stuff into the car outside.
�Jeez, man. Calm down. It�s eleven fucking thirty! We have plenty of time.�
Glaring at Trevor for a second, I ran my hand through my hair and then pleaded for him to understand silently with my eyes. His face took on a look of sympathy.
�She�s going to be all right, Toby. Getting to the airport early isn�t going to get us to her any faster. I know you�re worried about her, but just try to relax. Why don�t you call her?�
I�ve tried. A million times. Her voice mail is already full.
�No one�s answering.�
It could be she just left it on Nick�s coffee table. That�s where it was last night. I just can�t help but think that Mark and Matt have taken her hostage somewhere.
Trevor blinked a few times, processing the information before turning and running up the stairs.
�Ryan, get your ass down here! We�re leaving!�
It�s good to know I�m not the only one overly freaked out about Kara being left semi-alone with those idiots. At least Jacob isn�t out there.
Xander and Marc better hope they�re already there at the airport or Trevor might beat them up.
He�s the violent twin.
*
I could feel Aaron�s eyes on me as I picked at the food in front of me and checked my watch for the billionth time since we�d sat down. I�m freaking him out. I know it. He thinks I�m about to lose my mind. I probably am.
See, Kara? This is what you do to me. The moment you�re gone, I become this hopeless wimp so lost in my own thoughts I sometimes forget I�m even breathing.
I�d stayed in the shower for over an hour, the hot water running over me as I convinced myself that nothing would go wrong as long as I stayed there. The glass walls would keep bad things from happening to anything that might affect my life. Or at least until Aaron started beating on the bathroom door, asking if I�d drowned myself in a slightly trembling voice that made me feel bad for scaring him.
�Nick?�
I turned my eyes in his direction.
�You�re scaring me.�
Taking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head.
�I�m sorry. I had a bad night. Didn�t sleep.�
The vague excuse didn�t help. He kept watching me, studying every move I made or didn�t make. The silence grew oppressive despite the noise from the lunchtime crowd around us.
�You can�t help her if she doesn�t want you to.�
No. Don�t even start telling me that. Don�t discourage me from doing this. That�s all I need - someone to convince me that there isn�t a possible solution and Kara will never be mine.
That will be too much.
�Don�t start, Aaron. I don�t want to hear it.�
I held my hand in the air as if I could block his words and keep them away from my ears.
�No, seriously, Nick. You said she doesn�t think anyone can love her, so why try? Stop it! Every time you see her, you get worse, and I�m sick of seeing you act like you�re one of the living dead! Forget about her. All you do is hurt each other. You said that. Why is it so hard to let go of some girl you barely know when all she does is hurt you? If you want to help some one, I�ll go find you a hundred fucked up girls with psychological problems that would love for you to �help them,� and they would resp��
I felt the level of my anger suddenly shoot through the roof.
�What the fuck are you talking about? I�m doing this because I want to help her? Do you honestly think that�s all this is about? You can�t just stop the way you feel about someone just because they�re going through some problems. And I�m the one who hurt her last night. I�m the one who screamed at her to get out of my fucking car because I couldn�t handle not knowing what the hell happened during dinner last night. If I�d just given her time to calm down, she would have told me, but I had to know because I needed to know whether to kill Matt or not. I�m the one who pushed her to the point where she said things she didn�t mean, and then I�m the one who yelled at her. This one was all my fault, Aaron, so don�t even fucking bring up the idea that I�m just doing this to make myself feel better because I �helped� someone. That has nothing to do with this.�
My jaw clenched against my will, while Aaron gapped at me in more confusion.
�Then what�s the point?�
What?!
The point is I love her.
Leaning my elbow on the deco-style table, I rested my forehead in the palm of my hand.
Let�s try going about this in a different way.
�Aaron, do you believe in soul mates?�
When I sat back up, he was staring at me like I�d lost my mind.
�I�m fifteen. What does it matter?�
I groaned and slouched down in my chair, feeling a disbelieving smile tug at the corner of my lips.
�Have you ever been in love?�
He rolled his eyes at me.
�Once again, I�m fifteen.�
Nodding my head, I took the check from the waitress and pulled some money out of my front pocket. Throwing it out on the table, I turned my attention back to my brother.
�That�s what I thought. So don�t give me shit about what I�m doing.�
And I got up, walking towards the parking lot as he sat at the table in shock.
But at least I�m awake. Arguing always wakes me up.