A person can only toss and turn in the same bed for so many hours without driving himself insane. Now is about the time I start heading towards insanity.
Too bad I�m already there.
Getting out of bed with a groan, my entire body ached with exhaustion and hopeless desire as I pulled on the pants I discarded so quickly the night before.
She�s not here.
Glancing at the clock after putting my glasses on, I realized two hours had passed since the last time I�d looked at it after I heard the alarm reset itself downstairs. Two hours for her to run away if she wanted.
I stumbled through the hallway, my body not so willing to forgive my head for its constant active state that�d prevented me from resting in the past twenty-four hours. Carefully going down the stairs, using my hand as support against the wall, I turned the corner to find my little brother sprawled out on the couch, a bottle of orange juice in one hand and the TV remote in the other. Hearing my arrival, he turned and studied me.
�Um� I hope you don�t mind. Matt was pissing me off this morning��
He trailed off, looking away when he said the name.
�Does Mom know you�ve been driving illegally?�
Aaron gulped down the other half of his juice before putting the cap back on the glass bottle.
�You were with me the entire time.�
No� no, I wasn�t. If I had been, I would be in jail for double homicide by now.
Shaking my head, I drug myself into the kitchen and started searching for coffee. I heard him shut off the TV in the other room and follow me.
�Man, you look like crap.�
Thank you.
�I need coffee, a shower, and someone to beat me with a sledgehammer right here.�
I turned to Aaron and placed my pointer finger against my right temple.
�Uh� Nick? You don�t drink coffee.�
Automatically, I rolled my eyes.
�It�s better than alcohol at��
I glanced at the clock glowing on the microwave.
��ten in the morning.�
�Did you get drunk last night?�
Forgetting my search for caffeine, I slouched against the counter with the top of my head resting on the cabinet and rubbed my forehead, feeling like I had the worst hangover in the history of all mankind.
�No, I didn�t drink anything last night.�
Aaron glanced around the kitchen, hesitating as he thought over whether it�d be okay to ask the question that was plaguing him.
�Go ahead.�
Aaron looked back at me and frowned.
�Huh?�
Turning around, I crossed my arms across my chest and looked at him exasperatingly.
�Go ahead. Ask me where Kara is.�
I watched his eyes squint as the hamster in his head attempted to run fast enough to power his body.
�I know where Kara is. She went to meet up with Angie. She was leaving when I got here.�
That means she�
My eyes snapped towards the other end of the counter where I�d left the note about the car key the night before. The note was still there, but purple ink forming the words �meeting Angie� had appeared at the bottom of it.
�Then what were you about to ask me?�
I don�t think I really want to know.
�What happened last night?�
Yeah, I didn�t want to know.
Shaking my head, I went to the refrigerator and gazed inside for a while, finally deciding there was nothing that interested me. Instead I flopped into one of the kitchen chairs, rubbing my hands over my face as I tried to come up with a better reason than what I already had.
�I overreacted.�
Sitting his empty bottle on the counter, Aaron hesitantly walked towards me and slid into an adjacent chair when I didn�t show any signs of disapproval.
�But� why did you� last night��
He fumbled for words as the hamster ran faster, confusing him. I laughed halfheartedly.
�Aaron� I managed to do something really stupid.�
I could feel my throat threatening to close, trapping my unspoken words.
�What?�
Looking at him sitting there, I couldn�t help wishing I was fifteen and still partially innocent again or at least hadn�t ever run into Kara so her existence didn�t tear away at my soul.
�Don�t fall in love with a girl who thinks she can�t ever be loved. You�ll just end up hurting each other.�
While she�s gone, I�m going to convince myself that I don�t need her, that she�s playing some sort of head game with me and that I�m sick of it. Then the moment she walks in that door, I�m going to hate myself for ever thinking anything negative about her, about wishing I�d never met her.
She�ll unknowingly do something or say something or look at me in a particular way that reminds me how much she needs me to love her because she�s surrounded by all these people who won�t.
�You�ll just end up feeling guilty when she�s there. And even more when she�s not.�
Standing up, I pushed the chair back against the table and patted Aaron�s shoulder on my way out of the kitchen.
�I�m going to take a shower, man. Then we�ll go get something to eat.�
�Cold hard rain
Wild Texas flood
Is rolling through my blood
Is stronger than both of us.�