�The streetlights outside my window surrender to the dawn
A million reasons I should sleep but I can�t think of one
Maybe I tuned her in through all the voices in my head
Maybe she thought of me as she rose from an empty bed
And I�m just trusting this pen to find the words
Things just haven�t been the same since she�s been gone
I try to do what�s right but what�s left keeps egging me on
It may end up on my face, that�s the risk that I take
I just feel like we�re making a big mistake.�
It�s seven in the morning and Kara is already awake. Is she supposed to meet up with Angie this morning? Am I supposed to meet up with Angie?
I heard the water running in her bathroom and groaned. After a sleepless night, the last thing I need is thoughts of her in the shower.
All night I�d strained my ears in an attempt to hear if she was moving around. I didn�t want to go in to her room in fear that I wouldn�t ever leave, but I hated being alone with her so close.
So I hated myself all night. Between the moments that weren�t spent hating Matt and Mike.
As the early morning sky dissolved into a light summer rain around five a.m., my thoughts had turned back to the comforting memories I had of her from our past two meetings - her infectious giggle, the flirty tone she got in her voice when we�d been eating lunch after Ryan�s show� the smile I�d kill to see right about now.
I think I miss her more now that she�s here than I did after she disappeared.
Toby is coming. He said he�d help me. There�s still hope.
Turning onto my side, I looked across the room to the window that revealed the dim sunlight that was attempting to break through a haze of clouds dripping rain into the ocean. Closing my eyes, I begged my head to give me enough peace for an hour of sleep.
*
Carefully reapplying the skin-toned makeup on my face, I fought back a yawn as I studied my bloodshot, sleep-deprived eyes.
Thank god for Visine.
Scanning over the open makeup bag in front of me, I pulled out a bottle of eye drops and quickly drenched each eye again, not caring that it would ruin the rest of the makeup I�d carefully covered my face with.
I have plenty of time. Angie won�t be here for another hour and a half.
Sighing, I decided the bruises had faded enough to be considered just shadows under my eyes and slipped on my pair of prescription, black-framed glasses. Brushing all of my wet hair out of my face and into a ponytail, I straightened the short skirt and black sleeveless shirt I�d pulled on after my quick shower.
Fake confidence. It�s going to have to work today. I can�t let them walk all over me. I can�t fall to the floor at Nick�s feet and beg him to forgive me. I can�t give myself the chance to hurt him again.
Making a face in the mirror, I left the bathroom to find the rest of my so-called �power outfit� as Trevor had dubbed it. Ryan just called it the �gothic princess� look and wouldn�t allow me to wear it to work. Said it was too much of a distraction and no one would take me seriously.
Not like anyone ever took me seriously anyway. I look like I�m twelve half the time.
Pulling out the knee high boots from the very bottom of my suitcase, I turned them upside down, dumping out the jewelry and other clothes I�d rolled up and stuck inside of each shoe to save room.
Demon shoes. Hot, but demonic hooker boots.
Why do I bother? Why does my head decide I need to cause myself physical pain, too?
Sitting in the floor, I stuck my hand down each one, taking out anything that might have gotten stuck before remembering what had happened last time I�d been wearing them.
I haven�t worn these since January. Wow.
The dressing room incident popped into my head, and I could still see the stunned look in his eyes until a low growl of thunder pulled my attention outside to the building clouds that were coming from the west.
Bad weather for a bad mood.
Sometimes I think I control the weather.
Pulling on my shoes and then adding assorted chains and arm bands, I stood up, ten pounds heavier as I ran my hand down the front of the plaid skirt that stopped inches above my knees and grabbed my messenger bag.
I have to get out of here. I can�t wait for Angie to come get me. I�ll end up in his room.
Glancing at the closed door beside mine as I shut the door behind me, I closed my eyes and fought back thoughts of him lying in bed, sleeping peacefully without me.
Where did he go last night?
Swallowing against the lump in my throat, I went down the stairs and walked into the kitchen, remembering seeing a phone book when I was searching the cabinets the first night. Before I got very far in my new search, I saw the note sitting next to the phone and read over it quickly.
I pulled the key ring Nick had given me the day before out of my bag and looked at the two keys.
He�d forgotten to tell me the other key went to his green Durango in the garage
And I could take it whenever I wanted.
House alarm. His car.
I could rob him blind.
But I think I�ll just run away today.