�And I can�t see the thief that lives inside of your head
But I can me the courage at the side of your bed
I don�t know what�s happening and I can�t pretend
But I can be yours, be yours.�
Lying in the darkness, I could hear the water running in Kara�s bathroom, immediately clouding my head with dirty thoughts. When they managed to get past the confused ones.
Obviously Brittney�s comments weren�t a new thing. No one seemed shocked to hear them besides me.
But that couldn�t be everything.
She�s gotten thinner. She�s pale. She doesn�t talk. She won�t look me in the eye. She�s been on the verge of tears all day.
Something beyond the mean comments and me had to be causing this.
Sighing, I rolled over onto my back and stuck one of my arms under my head. Confusion made my mind spin.
Even though this will only make things worse, I pushed out the worry and replaced it with thoughts of being in the shower with her, hot water pouring all over her as I run my hands all over her naked body.
Yeah, I�m not sleeping tonight.
*
Squeezing the water out of hair, I pulled it up on top of my head before pulling on my pajamas.
I could be in his bed right now.
Well� if I�d stayed in his bed six months ago.
God, I�m such an idiot.
I sat on the side of the bed, wide-awake despite the late hour. Sleeping seemed impossible.
Nick was right. I didn�t eat tonight. Maybe I should.
Crawling beneath the fluffy covers, I curled up on my side as my head spun.
My face hurts. I scrubbed it too hard, trying to stop the tingling where Nick�s lips had brushed against my forehead and he�d touched my cheek.
Why does he do this to me?
Why won�t he scream at me? Why won�t he glare at me instead of looking at me like he�s concerned?
He�s too nice to hit me.
For a second this afternoon, I thought he might. Especially after he slammed me against the wall.
I�m such an idiot.
Climbing out of bed, I crept out of the room and passed the closed door that hid sleeping Nick. Walking down the stairs carefully in the dark, I waited until I was safely hidden in his kitchen before I turned on any lights.
Damn he has a big house. I feel like such an intruder. I don�t belong here.
Opening cabinet doors, I got the gist of the layout of his kitchen before pulling out a glass, preparing for another night of analyzing all my mistakes.
*
How long have I been laying here? Since when was my ceiling so interesting?
I need alcohol. And Tylenol.
Groaning, I climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants crumpled in the floor before pushing my glasses on my face. I left the door open as I headed towards the stairs, pausing to stare at the closed door beside mine.
If I could only go in there.
For some reason, I�m certain I could sleep if only I could crawl in beside her and hold her in my arms.
But I can�t do that. Not if I plan on winning her back.
I sighed - something I do a lot of when I�m thinking about her - and headed down the stairs. My steps stopped when I turned the corner to see the kitchen light on.
I turned that off earlier.
Creeping forward, I heard sniffling and, by the time I reached the doorway, it was full-blown sobbing.
Oh god.
Kara sat in one of the kitchen chairs with her legs pulled up to her chest and her face buried in her arms.
Crying.
Not the silent tears I�ve seen from her before. Real crying that made her shoulders shake and her breathing come out in irregular gasps.
Should I go in? Should I try and comfort her? Would that even help?
Something refused to let me leave her crying alone in my kitchen. Quietly I crept towards Kara, hurting with her even though I didn�t understand why.
A tiny white tank top hung from her shoulders, and thoughts of kissing down her spine flashed across my mind before being replaced by concern when her entire body convulsed.
Without thinking, I stood beside her and placed my hand on her shaking shoulder, her body jumping in surprise. Her tears stopped temporarily as she unfolded from the chair and a blank expression covered her face while she stared into space.
�Baby��
She wouldn�t look at me. I was sort of afraid she would, but when she didn�t I felt my breath catch in my throat. Kneeling beside her, I ran my hand down her arm, watching as chill bumps rose up on her skin.
�Please, Kara, look at me.�
She hesitated before slowly turning her head, the movement looking almost robotic. Unshed tears still filled her green eyes and her lip had started to bleed where she had bit into it. Instinctively I reached up and gently pulled her lip away and her shoulders started to shake again.
With that one gesture I made her break, her sobs racking her tiny frame.
�Come here.�
I pulled her out of the chair and into my arms, her forehead immediately finding a resting place on my bare shoulder as her tears fell against my skin. Her hands clung to me, one of them running through my hair.
It almost felt like she thought I might disappear.
I ran my fingers over her hair, her shoulders, her back, hoping to comfort her, but feeling completely helpless.
So I decided to just let her cry.