What am I doing? Why am I still crying?
For some reason I couldn�t stop even though all I wanted to do was rest in Nick�s arms. But if I stop crying, he might let go. He might push me away. Nick�s a nice guy. The only reason he�s doing this is because I�m a girl and I�m crying. That makes him feel bad.
He doesn�t care that it�s me.
I felt his lips brush against my jaw, his breath warming my neck.
�Kara, they aren�t worth this. They don�t know you.�
His voice was soothing, but his words were wrong. After today� after everything I�ve put him through?
He has to hate me.
�You�re amazing baby. You drive me insane, but you�re amazing. You�re none of those things that girl was calling you.�
You don�t know me Nick. You don�t know me at all.
His lips brushed below my ear, causing a chill to run down my spine.
I�m so sorry Nick.
I wrapped my arms tighter around his shoulders as my crying slowed and I started hiccupping. Nick rubbed my back, his hand slipping into my shirt so the warmth of his touch ran through me.
Why hasn�t he started yelling at me yet?
Pulling away slightly, I hesitated before looking at his face. He looked tired, plagued by insomnia, with concerned confusion filling his eyes. I felt my chest tighten again, studying him in an attempt to read his thoughts.
�Nick, I�m��
He placed his fingers on my lips, stopping the words that never really existed.
�You don�t have to explain to me about� any of this.�
I nodded hesitantly as he cradled my face in his hands and wiped the tears off my cheeks.
�Just promise you won�t fight it when I try to make you smile.�
*
She looked exhausted, bruise-like circles under her eyes that she�d somehow managed to cover up during the day. Her eyelids were fighting to close over her red and watery eyes.
�Alright.�
She hiccupped, her entire body jumping against me. A small half-smile tugged at my lips against my will as she fought to keep her eyes open.
Even upset and half asleep, she�s cute.
�I�m taking you back to bed.�
Before she could reply, I picked her up in my arms and stood up, hitting the light switch with my elbow as I exited the kitchen and carried her upstairs. She kept her arms around my neck and rested her head against my chest, her hair still damp from the shower that�d put ideas into my head.
Climbing the stairs, I nearly dropped her when she nuzzled her face into my bare chest and her lips lightly brushed against my skin.
I don�t think she did that on purpose Carter. Don�t get your hopes up.
*
My head is spinning.
I don�t even think I know what�s going on. The only thought in my head that makes any sense involves me never finding myself out of this amazing man�s arms.
Like that�s ever going to happen.
I�m so tired.
I heard the door make a low squeak when Nick pushed it open, still managing to cradle me in his arms. Closing my eyes tightly, I pulled myself even closer to him, knowing that this moment would be over soon.
And I might not get another one.
I felt myself falling, a pair of strong arms protecting me from the impact. When he pulled away, I did the only think that made sense to me.
*
I thought she�d been asleep. Her body had relaxed the moment I picked her up, putting me under the impression that she�d given into her exhaustion. But now I was standing above this petite woman dressed in a white tank top and shorts too small to qualify as anything besides underwear, her green eyes locked with mine.
She grasped my hand as if without it she couldn�t breathe.
Oh god Carter. Read this right.
I felt a slight tug on my hand, or at least imagined a tug at my hand, and the dim light from outside shined on the pleading look in her eyes. I held my breath, fearing the worst as I laid down beside her - all while convincing myself that she kept pulling me down.
Still clutching my hand, I turned my head to find her watching me while our bodies brushed together.
�Stay.�
*
What am I doing?
Even if he didn�t hate me yet, he will. He�s only seen the good side of me. What happens when he meets the real me?
Not that I consider me now as being part of the good side of me.
He squeezed my hand lightly, maybe afraid that saying something would break whatever spell had been cast over us.
But will he stay all night?
He sat up, our fingers untangling when he pulled the blankets around us and took off his glasses. Before he laid back down, he propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at me.
Please don�t kiss me.
I want you to, but I can�t handle it.
Caressing my cheek, Nick stared at me as if he were trying to memorize the lines of my face. His thumb ran over my lips slowly and I feared the worst. But his eyes were drowsy and something made him stop as he laid on his side next to me.
�Go to sleep.�
Our noses brushed against each other as he leaned his forehead against mine, his words soft to match his touch.
Taking a deep breath, I rolled over onto my side, my back against his chest, as he wrapped one of his arms around my waist and his breath landed on my skin. He pulled me closer, his lips brushing against the back of my neck and my shoulder, a content sigh leaving my mouth before I even realized it.
I could get used to this. Way too quickly.
As my eyes fell shut and sleep washed over me, I felt Nick smile against my back while his hand ran gently over my stomach, his touch against my skin something I�d been missing for way too long.
*
I�m in bed with Kara.
We�re both still mostly dressed, but I�m lying in bed with her.
That should count for something.
She fits here against me, her chest gently rising and falling, I need to prove that to her.
I want to end everyday like this.
In bed with her.
It wasn�t until I was certain she�d fallen asleep that I allowed my own exhaustion to overtake me.
I�m gonna make you love me. And if I can�t do that, I�ll at least get you to stay.
�It�s killing me too
It�s so wrong not to be with you
It�s getting harder to stay awake
It�s killing me too
It stops my heart just to be with you
So listen �cause you are the only one who cares to hear.�