The two I bought but never had given to me. She passed out. I�d totally forgotten about them after that.
And a letter.
In an envelope this time.
With shaky hands I opened it up, prepared for bad news, praying for good.
Eight
Obviously if you�re reading this letter, I came back
in some form or another. As I scribble this in Xander�s
car, I�m not sure whether I�ll be seeing you again
off stage even though Marcus� Well, yeah. I don�t
know if you�re even wanting to see me again after
this afternoon. But that�s not my point.
I� I can�t be with you. It wouldn�t ever work.
I know what you do, and, even though I know
that has nothing to do with who you are as a person,
I don�t know if I�d be able to handle it. You make
it hard enough to say no to little things, so I have to
sneak around to just buy you lunch. I just can�t do it.
When I left last time, I never thought I�d see you again.
At least not in a way that we�d be able to acknowledge
whatever it was that happened that night. But you
showed up even when I tried to avoid you.
You followed me even when I tried to lose you. In
a way, I�m so happy that you did, but in another way, I�m
not. It�s always harder to say goodbye the second time
around.
I have to apologize for some things. I never meant to
lead you on. I just� I love being with you Nick. I love
how good we seem to be together. I love how you
manage to make me smile when I don�t think I can, how
you deal so well with my little freak-outs� how you smile
at me. I like the feelings I get with you. Even the gooey-melty
ones you seem to cause all the time.
I wanted to apologize for the taxi incident. I� I don�t
know what exactly happened there. I probably should have
stopped things way before they began. I don�t know. All
I know that - in hopes of shedding a bit of light for you -
I have a tendency to tell people to shut up when I�m
afraid they�re about to say something I don�t want to hear because
I�m going to most likely end up saying �yes� or �me too� to
something I most likely shouldn�t.
The main thing� I�m sorry I didn�t tell you that I knew
what you did for a living. I�ve known since the moment I
walked in to the VIP room at the races and saw you
sitting there, all embarrassed and flustered. I�m surprised
I managed to keep it so well hidden. I�m not very good
at the entire lying thing.
Your cds should be with this. A couple of the songs on there,
I wrote. Pay attention to track 8. You might have heard
Ryan singing it earlier. It might mean something to
you. It also probably makes a little more sense to why
I have to go. Why I can�t be with you.
I�m sorry.
Always,
Kara
I ain't lookin for a steady thing
I ain't lookin for what love brings
I'm still young and I ain't ready babe
I'm still lookin for some better days
I don't wanna give you everything
I just wanna make you feel things
If you ain't down to give me everything
Just throw it away
So stop falling
Stop falling
You know you're falling....for me
Stop falling
Stop falling
Stop falling...for me
You've gotta understand my side
I've had a crazy, crazy life
Nobody came along to open up my eyes
Oh baby, take what you can get
Don't even bother with my heart
I get a feeling I won't let it start
Fuck.
Picking up one of the cds and turning around to the track listing on the back, I searched for track 8.
The song Ryan was singing when Kara rushed out of the building this afternoon.
�Let Go�
No.
->>>