But then it�s over.
�I told you to tell him.�
But then he would have convinced me to stay.
I felt Trevor�s hand on my arm, breaking the spell that had me caught in Nick�s pleading eyes. Turning, I climbed into the car, pulling the door closed behind me.
Please forgive me.
*
I felt my lip tremble as whoever�s car pulled away from the side of the rode and drove down the street.
She�s gone.
Losing my strength, I fell back onto the couch, lying down and not stopping the tears from pouring down my cheeks.
She�s gone.
Steve walked in quietly, reaching over me to close the window before more rain came in, and then walking back to the driver�s seat, turning off the main lights on his way.
She�s gone.
I felt the bus start up and then pull away from the curb, getting back onto the highway to wherever I was supposed to have a show tomorrow night. But it doesn�t matter now.
She�s gone.
The sobs just kept washing over me.
*
The guys talked, trying to distract me from the thoughts in my head. As we continued down the street, probably towards my house, I didn�t look back to see if his bus was already gone or not. I couldn�t.
I did the right thing. No matter what the guys say. I couldn�t just� stay there. I have responsibilities here.
Yeah, but you didn�t have to leave him completely. Phones are wondrous inventions.
�Kar� you okay?�
Trevor gently brushed his hand against my arm. Weird. He�s never been one to extend sympathy.
�I� I did the right thing, right?�
I turned to him, purposely ignoring the two slightly more romantic-minded boys in the back. Trevor glanced at me before turning his eyes back to the road.
�Of course you did.�
He�s lying through his teeth.
Leaning my forehead against the cool window, I felt the tears begin to fall. I knew it would hurt more the second time around.
Why did he have to follow me?
Crying silently, Trevor turned the radio up a little to give me some sort of fake privacy, knowing that I wasn�t one to appreciate having my tears acknowledged.
Damn the radio.
Please believe me
I've been down this road and back again
Learned my lesson and it was that love is not my friend
For the day I put my trust in you
Would be the day I say "I do"
Don't expect me just to open up
Maybe I'm just a little scared
Please don't tell me what you think I wanna hear
Oh baby save it, I've heard it all before
*
Deciding that I could only accomplish so much with hopeless sobbing, I stood up, slamming my hand against the light switch.
Video games. Killing things will make me feel better.
It�s not like Kara is worth much anyway. If she�s just going to come into my life sporadically and then disappear at the first given chance, I don�t need her. She�s not worth the fight. I don�t want to deal with that type of shit on top of all the crap that I have to deal with in the first place. I need a nice girl who�ll lend some sort of stability to my life. Who won�t just leave for no real reason. Who�ll take care of me. A real girlfriend.
Blinking at the empty tv screen, I replayed the thoughts that�d just gone through my head.
I�m such a fucking liar.
I need Kara. I want Kara. She�s worth everything. The way she makes me feel just by looking at me is like nothing I�ve ever been given the chance to experience before. I wouldn�t have this entire day disappear for anything. Even if she hadn�t reappeared tonight. Even if I didn�t get to� whatever it was we were doing. Making out? Foreplay? As for stability� it�s boring. I�m lying to myself.
Stop.
She�s gone. Probably for forever this time around. You just got your hopes up again Carter. Turn on the Playstation and start killing aliens. It�ll make you feel better.
Surveying the room, not all that certain where any of my stuff was or maybe just completely discombobulated from all things Kara, I found foreign objects on my kitchen table.
Slightly scary.
I walked over slowly, having an idea of what might be contained among the items on the table.
Please be a letter. Please be a letter. With a phone number. And an email address. And a normal address.
Reaching the table, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I guided my eyes downward.
Cds. And a letter.
*
Walking into my bedroom, I threw my bags into the floor, soon followed by my jacket. And then myself.
I feel like a robot. A very lost robot.
Wonder if he�s found his stuff yet�
Turning to the bag with my dress, I pulled it towards me, wondering if it�d hurt to see it. Wondering if I�m that big of a moron for letting him go again.
Pulling open the bag, peeking carefully inside as if something was waiting to attack me, I felt more tears fill my eyes.
He didn�t�
The silk dress sat on top of� my pants.
He bought my pants.
The jerk. I told him not to buy me anything.
Eight
->>>>