No. No, not now. We can�t� no.
�Kara! Rumor had it our resident Romeo had run into you again.�
�Hi Kevin.�
A blush rose from her neck as from mine.
�But seriously guys. We have to go or we�ll be late.�
No, I quit. I don�t want to go. I�m going up to my room and wrapping this girl up in my arms and just� I�m not going.
Who are you kidding, Carter? She�s probably dying to get rid of you, so stop panicking.
And don�t cry.
Above all, don�t cry. Not in front of the guys, not in front of my girl.
�Kara!�
�Howie!�
I felt my arms tighten around her waist without any conscious command from me while I closed my eyes and laid my head on her shoulder, trying to make everything go away by losing myself in her.
I don�t want to go.
�Hey, man, can�t you let go of her for a second? I want a hug from the prettiest girl in Texas.�
No, not letting go. Never.
�Nick��
No, Brian. She�s going to disappear again, like some magical vapor that haunts me no matter where I go and only decides to become solid every now and again until it slowly destroys me.
She�s been sent by �Nsync.
What the hell am I talking about?
I�ve officially lost it.
�Nick� are you alright?�
Looking up from my hiding place, I lost myself in her eyes, her concern washing over me.
No, I�m not alright. You�re going to leave and I may never see you again.
�Yeah, I�m fine.�
And to prove it, I let go, slowly releasing her, so that Howie could envelope her in his arms.
Why does that make me so jealous?
Because it was a trap. Let go of the girl and we�ll grab a hold of you.
�Come on guys. We have to go.�
And now is when I panic even though it�s too late. Even though I have Brian, who I could take attached to one arm and Kevin, who I had no chance against, on the other.
Fuck.
�Sorry that we have to run so soon, but� business calls ya know.�
Kara nodded towards A.J., her face pale again.
No! Don�t they see that if I leave, she might have another panic attack? She needs me!
�Yeah, I understand.�
�You�re not coming with us?�
That�s why they had a hold of me. So when she said no, I couldn�t go beg her to stay and they could just drag me out.
�Uh� actually, I have some stuff I need to do��
�Well, then I guess we�ll meet up with you later.�
Kevin. Assuming that I told her about the show. Or assuming that that was the easiest thing to end this situation.
Nodding, she stared straight through me. I�m so sorry baby.
�Come on Nick.�
And then they dragged me out, trying to make it look like we just liked each other enough that we walked with our arms around each other�s shoulders.
Breathe Carter.
Fans screaming. Flashes from cameras.
I should probably smile.
Except I can�t breathe.
�Get into the car Nick. Don�t make a scene.�
Yeah, because that would be just horrible, me actually caring enough about someone that I�d fight for them.
But yet, I haven�t started fighting.
The door was opened, I was inconspicuously pushed in, and I slouched in my seat, head against the window. Ignoring the other guys� desperate attempts at distracting me.
And I felt my heart break.
*
They just dragged him away. They were trying not to be obvious, but they were.
I didn�t� even get to say goodbye.
But that�s probably for the best. I might have taken him up on any damn offer he made if they�d given us a chance to say goodbye.
Who needs closure anyway?
Turning around, I noticed Marcus still standing behind me, studying me.
�So� are you going to give him contact information this time around or are you going to just disappear again?�
Oh god� please don�t guilt trip me.
�Marcus� I have to go. I have someone I need to meet.�
Before I had a chance to move, he grabbed my arm, pulling me back.
�So you are just going to leave. Let him mope around for god knows how long until he finally decides that it�s a hopeless cause. Nick hasn�t even looked at another girl since he met you. Do you know what that means?�
�Shouldn�t you have left with them? Just in case any of the f��
He stared at me, his mouth slightly opened.
�You can say it. Just in case any of the fans decide to go after him.�
After all this time� it�s the goddamn bodyguard I give myself away to.
�I knew it. You know who he is. That�s why you�re doing this.�
The room started spinning around me.
�You think that if people see you with him, they�ll think you�re his new girl of the month or something. �Oh, I�m with a pop star. He buys me things.��
Don�t slap him. Don�t slap him.
I ripped my arm from his grip.
�What the fuck do you know about me?!�
Yelling is alright. Just don�t slap him. And keep your voice down a little.
�I don�t give a damn what he does for a living. It doesn�t mean a damn thing to me. But that�s why I left. Because jackasses like you with condescending minds would think I�m trying to use him for my own gain. Forgive me for having a conscience. Forgive me for not wanting to be hated by half the world. Forgive me for fucking caring about his reputation. I�ve never been pretty, I�ve never been popular, and a lot of people really just don�t like me. That�s why I ran last time. To save him from getting stuck with someone like me. And if you don�t believe me, then� I don�t know what else I can say.�
Marcus stared at me, wide eyed and his jaw extending towards the ground. And my tears are gone.
�I really like Nick. Not because he�s famous or because he has a significantly higher amount of money in his bank account than I do, but because I like the way I feel when I�m with him. So don�t give me shit about using him. Just let me go.�
Turning around, I began the seemingly mile long trek to the front door. After a few steps, Marcus� voice called me back.
�Go to the show tonight. There�ll be tickets at will call under your name. Afterwards� there�s gonna be a note with the tickets. Do what it says. If you�re going to walk away, I�m not going to let you do it without saying goodbye to him first.�
Turning back towards him, I questioned at his seemingly newfound kindness.
�I already have tickets.�
�Well, sell them. Give�em away. Something. I can guarantee you that these will be better.�
I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked out the front door, heading back towards The Gypsy Tea Room to pick up my car while refusing to acknowledge his offer.
Five
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