So we got a Kevin lecture afterwards. During dinner. When I didn�t want to be eating or with them anyway.
�And Nick, where the fuck is your head?�
My head is right here. My brain has taken up residency somewhere where you idiots can�t drag it away from Kara.
�It was your own damn fault you didn�t tell her what was going on. Otherwise she might be here right now and we wouldn�t be having this discussion.�
You yelling at me doesn�t really qualify as a discussion.
�Yeah, then you�re just be yelling at him for spending all of sound check showing off for her.�
The wrath of Kevin was diverted from me to A.J., who winked at me under his baseball cap.
Despite giving me shit, A.J. might be the least annoying one here. Maybe.
Blocking out Kevin�s voice complaining that A.J. needs to stop being such a smartass during rehearsals, I searched for Marcus. He was there when we left. Or, more correctly, when the other guys dragged me out of the hotel. I need to know how she reacted, what she said. If she cried.
Oh god, if she did� I couldn�t live with myself.
Spotting him across the room with one of the dancers, I left the table - rendering an angry comment from Kevin - and went over to him.
�What did she say?�
Marcus turned to me, slightly surprised.
�Heard your reprimand shorty. Shouldn�t you go back over there before you get into trouble again?�
�Fuck Kevin. What did Kara say after we left?�
Why is he looking at me like that? Why � wait a second, I thought he liked Kara. He� why does he have that look in his eyes?
�She just left Nick. I�m sorry, bud. I tried to get her to stay, but she insisted she had plans with someone else and had to leave.�
He shrugged, that slightly cocky look in his eye.
What the fuck?
�I couldn�t stop her.�
She�s gone.
No way to contact her again.
Damn.
I felt the blood drain out of my face. I knew she was gone, but knowing and hearing it made a big difference. Ignoring whatever else Marcus had to say, I rushed down the hallway to my dressing room, slamming the door shut behind me as I flopped on the couch on my back. Closing my eyes, I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks.
Fuck.
I don�t cry.
How am I going to get through this show tonight?
*
A little over an hour later, I�m finally home, dressed for this concert and fighting with makeup while tears pour from my eyes.
This is never going to work.
Falling into the bathroom floor, I rubbed all the misplaced makeup off onto my hands, using the water from my eyes.
Fuck.
I can�t do this.
I can�t go to this stupid concert.
Fifteen minutes and Xander will be here, wanting to hear all the details of my entire afternoon with Nick fucking Carter.
My eyes hurt.
I continued to sit there until I heard the doorbell ring. Quickly washing my hands and my face, forgetting the application of any war paint at all, I grabbed my jacket and pulled open the front door.
�Oh my fucking god woman! What the hell did you do this afternoon?�
What�?
�There are stories all over the �net about Nick and some skanky short redhead hanging all over each other in downtown Dallas.�
Oh shit.
*
Thirty more minutes and we go on. Thirty more minutes and I get to smile real big and pretend nothing is wrong. Thirty more minutes and I get to pretend that the girls out in the audience actually interest me in any capacity possible.
Can I run away in thirty minutes? How far would I be before they sent a search party after me? Where would I get a car?
�Come on Nick. Gotta get our mikes hooked up.�
Looking at Brian standing behind me from the mirror I�d been staring into for the past fifteen minutes, I just nodded.
�Nick� man, I�m sorry.�
No you�re not. If you hadn�t just dragged me out of there, I could have talked to her, gotten her number, something.
What am I kidding? If she had wanted to give me her number she would have given it to me the first time. Or after we ran into each other again.
She doesn�t want me. That�s why she kept running away. This time the guys just helped her.
Why doesn�t she like me?
And there�s the underlying reason to why I�ve been staring into this mirror. Wondering what the fuck was wrong with me that Kara wouldn�t stay.
�Nick��
�Yeah� I�m coming.�
Time to face the music.
And the guys.
*
�How cool is this shirt? I can, ya know, cut off the sleeves and��
Weaving our way through the girls and parents that crowded the walkways of the American Airlines Center, I tuned out Xander�s plans for his new t-shirts, choosing to spend all my energy avoiding the pictures of Nick that seemed to be everywhere.
Well, duh Macintosh, you�re at a goddamn Backstreet Boys concerts.
�Let�s find seats.�
Nodding, Xander switched spots with me, grabbing my hand and leading me towards the floor seats that Marcus has so kindly supplied for us.
Damn him for picking up those stupid tickets. I don�t want his fake kindness after accusing me of using Nick.
But Xander wants to be as close to A.J. as possible� so we�re sitting three rows back, towards the left side. Amazing seats.
I stopped in my tracks, realizing the reason for my fears and having a couple of adolescent girls run into my back.
�Uh� Kara? You want to get run over by preteens?�
�What if Marcus told Nick about the tickets? What if he knows we�re there? What if he sees me?�
Laughing, Xander pulled on my arm and started towards our seats again.
�What is he going to do about it? Jump off the stage and kidnap you? The guy will be torn to pieces way before he reaches us.�
�But if he sees us� he�ll know I�m here. He can�t know I�m here.�
�I still can�t believe you just didn�t tell him that you knew who he was. How do you hide that from someone?�
�It�s not that hard when he doesn�t want me to know.�
Reaching our row, he pulled me in front of him and then pushed me into a seat.
�We�re going to sit here. If Nick sees us� he sees us. He can�t do anything about it. It�s all up to you now. Go with the bodyguard afterwards or don�t. Your decision now.�
That�s what I�m afraid of. My decisions� meaning if I make the wrong one, I hurt Nick.
�You�re hurting him already Kar.�
My head snapped in his direction.
�Oh come on! I�ve only been listening to you complain for the entire ride here on how you can�t be with him because he�s a Backs��
I slapped my hand over Xander�s mouth, frantically looking around us.
�Shut up you idiot! What are you doing? What if someone hears you?�
�They�ll know for sure that you�re the skanky redhead that spent all afternoon with the golden wonder boy. Not that they don�t already know. You�ve been getting some nasty looks since we got in here. Yeesh.�
Oh god oh god oh god.
To hopefully end this conversation, I turned to the opening act that was attempting to entertain the fickle fans waiting impatiently for the boys.
�Who is this?�
Don�t know.
�She�s� totally needing to put on more clothes.�
Yes.
�Kar?�
�Yeah?�
�This is typically the point of the conversation where you stick in a comment about skanky whores and how girls today need to either get some class or find some goddamn self-respect.�
I shrugged, watching said girl writhe across the stage, the few boys in the audience captivated by the horrific spectacle.
Nick�s probably slept with her.
�Kar� if it�s any consolation, he probably won�t be able to decipher any of the faces in the crowd with all the stage lighting.�
Turning my eyes from the manufactured no name pop star, I looked hopefully at Xander.
�Really?�
Six
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