This isn't happening.
He didn't go behind my, our, backs and tell everyone that we're over.
I mean it's not like we are really over.....
We just need to do this to give ourselves a real break. We can always come back for real after a few years down the road. Other bands have done it, why can't we?
We aren't over. We can't be.
This is just an extended break to let everyone have some real time off. Yes, that's it. Brian will spend more time with his ever expanding family, I'll spend more time with Kris and our daughter, Howie will deal with his groups and businesses, A.J will completely straighten out his life and Nick.....I'm not so sure what he will do. I don't think anyone does. Obviously he already had something planned out for himself......
This isn't happening.
This can't happen.
I won't let our family fall apart like this. God, I must be losing it or something because it sounds like I'm giving up on us.
That last meeting, or should i say, last fight, couldn't of been the end?
Was it?
No, it couldn't of been......
*
I was sitting at the table looking at a stunned Brian when Nick's third outburst caught my attention away from my stare at Brian.
"Kevin, are you fucking blind? Can't you see how tired everyone is? We. Are. Tired."
I didn't say anything, I couldn't say anything. For the first time I had nothing to say. I just looked at the others scattered across the room. Brian was still stiting at the table with his head hanging down, Nick pacing the carpet in front of us, A.J and Howie had both moved their chairs by the window and were both looking out at what I could see
was just half a building and some trees.
"Say something, Kevin. Say something!"
I turned my attention back solely on Nick for the first time in a while that day.
"What do you want me to say, Nick? Do you want me to say that I'm happy that we are falling apart? That this may be the last time we are Backstreet? NO, Nick. I won't say that, because I can't, and won't believe it."
I think something changed in him about that time because he looked at all of us one more time before sighing and turning to leave the office to let us deal with the remaining broken pieces.
*
That couldn't of been our last meeting.
He'll just have to go back on TV and fix everything. Yeah, he'll just do that and then we can all get together again and come up with a game plan.
We always have a game plan.
Why would now be any different?
This isn't happening.
This can't be happening.