My name is Debbie and I am the second of seven brothers and sisters. I have a fraternal twin sister, Diane, whom I am just 2 minutes older than. Our family has two sets of twin girls, one fraternal set and one identical set. Another fun fact about our family is that we have five birthdays (out of 7 birthdays) in the month of April.

My mom is an amazing person. She raised us as a single parent, and still guided us unharmed through every storm we encountered.

My father left our family when my older sister was four years old, my sister and I were two and my brother was just one. My mother was left with 4 children under the age of four, three of them still in diapers. Looking back on it now, having just two boys of my own to raise, I am full of pride and respect for the wonderful job my mother did to care for all of us. I understand now what she has given up to raise us. What she lost of herself, and yet never once complained. She has always loved us unconditionally.

My mother lost her mother when she was just seven years old. She lost her only sibling (a sister) and her father within six months of each other. They both died of this horrible disease that my mother is now battling. She knows what to expect with this disease, the pain and problems ahead, as she has already dealt with it twice before.

She not only had to raise us alone, as a single parent, but also had no family to fall back on for strength. Somehow she found the strength to make it through and raised us all to be productive in our own lives. We are married now with wonderful families of our own.

I pray that I can be as strong of a mother, as my mother has been for us. As happy, caring, and compassionate as she has lived her life. Above all else, I pray that I can love my children with as much unconditional love as she showed us.

Accepting this diagnosis of terminal cancer has been a grief that is indescribable. Words cannot make someone understand how it feels to watch and wait for death to arrive, to come and take away someone you love more than yourself. Knowing that every second her pain increases is still better for us than not having her with us at all. The support groups and books all say that acceptance comes � one of the final stages of dealing with this, but I have not reached the acceptance stage yet. I am still at the �angry� stage. I am angry with everyone and everything around me. I am angry with God, wondering why he would have a person, who has had to struggle so hard in life, even struggle in death. Why is it that some people have a fairytale life filled with love and money while some people struggle for every little thing they acquire. It is not fair.

My heart is in a raging battle � filled with anger and grief because I have to face this struggle, yet completely filled with love when I look at my mom, see what she has given up for us and feel pride at who she is. I feel truly blessed for the wonderful relationship I have with her.

These are emotions on the inside that change daily � by the minute, while on the outside I try to be brave and show faith for my mother�s sake. Show her a faith that I am struggling with and questioning.

I look in my own son�s eyes and he helps me stay strong with his 11-year-old compassion and logic. He is as compassionate now as any adult, having lost so many in such a short time. I wonder what he�ll remember of his grandmother. What, if anything, he�ll use of this to shape his life. Who he will become as an adult. Living with the grief of knowing my mother will not be with me to share my pride for him as he grows.

This is what the circle of life means to me. Grief as one fades, and pride as one grows.

�Copyright 2004 Debbie W.