Of Vegans And Bunny Rabbits: The Story Of How I Became A ManOf Vegans And Bunny Rabbits: The Story Of How I Became A Man
Imagine, if you will, a place where fire rained from the heavens just because it was National Fire Raining From The Heavens day. Now imagine that everyone knows your name at this place. If you had to name this place, what would you call it? Cheers? Yeah, me too. However that has nothing to do with anything I want to talk about. I just needed to run my sitcom idea by you really fast. What do you mean there's a show named Cheers? Screw you voice inside my head!
Anyway, I need to tell the world (ie Internet) about how I became a man. Since the day I gained my manhood is fast approaching (that's Easter Sunday, by the way) I figured I must tell my hormonal crusade against vegans and dragons and some other stuff I may or may not be pulling completely out of my ass. Now then, a long long time (insert your own American Pie joke here!) ago when I was five or so I was playing with a GI Joe or whatever children do with whatever toys you people have. I was happily playing "Hostage Crisis: Tehran" until some mean little brat came up to me and stepped on my GI Joe. My GI Joe then imploded for some reason. I started crying and this little brat laughed heartily, and told me that's what I got for eating meat and raping cows for milk or whatever. So I ran away because I always had a childhood fear of vegans.
Later when I got home, I told my dad about the mean vegan boy. My father told me what to do and we started training in a Rocky-esque montage while like, A Flock Of Seagulls or Van Halen or something played in the background. I trained hard and I found the way to destroy evil vegans. My father taught me of the Bunny Rabbit Fist attack, an ability passed down from generations of rabbit based ninjas. (Yeah, I happen to be the heir to a line of rabbit based ninjas. How cool am I? Not really, I agree.) So after learning this ancient and nonexistent skill, I went to sleep. Because, after all, tomorrow was Easter day and I had to get all my GI Joes together for the annual "GI Joe Themed Easter Hunt And D-Day Reenactment Day."
So I slept and all that, and got all my GI Joes ready for the big day. I had to have had like fifty or so. I played happily with my GI Joes until Mr. Mean Vegan came along. He stepped on one of my GI Joes and it imploded again, and he expected me to cry and stuff. Alas and alack for him, I did not cry. In fact I used the Bunny Rabbit Fist attack on him and now, supposedly, he is almost well enough to walk. It only took him like seventeen years to recover from that faithful day. Anyway, this is how I became a man on Easter Day. Nothing I just typed was fabricated or made up in any way. If you wish to reuse this content, you need to express written consent of the NFL.
