Anthropology Of The Lamp TribeAnthropology Of The Lamp Tribe
As an anthropologist of ancient inanimate peoples, I have seen it all. From the wild Lysol orgies of the table tribe of southeast Malaysia, to the Serbian door tribe's worship of a Jim Morrison poster. Of course, I was sadly mistaken. After observing the ancient lamp tribe of southern Arizona, I realized I knew oh so little about inanimate people anthropology. However, I studied these people for quite a long time and I was able to understand them. I am writing this to share my vast knowledge of the lamp tribe with you cretins.
The lamp people use light bulbs as currency. Their primary source of income is from Coke sales. That's right, I'm talking about Coke. Y'know, the red devil, the cola snow, pure fructose blow, caffeinated dingleberries, polar bear yay - that's right - Coca Cola classic. Food sources include the elder lamps, because they never shut up about wooden filaments in light bulbs when they were young, and of course battery acid. The lamp tribe is a warlike people, and they have been known to invade tribes that had a lot of batteries. They recently killed the "Pink Bunny," the president of the Energizer battery tribe. The lamp people are also artistic, and the city of General Electricia (the lamp capital) is said to be the cultural capital of the inanimate world. This is all I've learned about the lamp tribe. I've only scratched the surface and I'll be sure to illuminate your minds when I learn more.
