Hey guys, are you stumped about Valentine's day too? Well, I used to be just like you before I found the perfect gift for that special lady! That's right, it's the Happy Couple Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation kit! Just think about it a little, nothing says I love you more than choking your woman nearly to death with a heart shaped noose! (Especially if she isn't into that kind of thing at all! Remember, nearly murdering your lover shows you really care!) Or what about romantically cutting her name into your wrist with the Pink Happy Couple Razor kit? Suicidal tendencies are about as romantic as you can get, and she'll be forced to say "I do!" when she's tied up at the wedding chapel and notices the beautiful scar tissue on your arms!
And what about you poor single guys? For you there's the Happy Couple Date Rape kit, which will guarantee you'll get exactly what you deserve this Valentine's day. (That's right, a chance to have sex with a girl that's unconscious!) It even comes with a patented love elephant tranquilizer that's sure to take the morbidly obese down in seconds. Romance isn't the only thing we offer here at Happy Couples Unlimited Corporation! We also offer the Happy Couple Divorce Settlement Plan. It's all ready filled out so your ex-wife gets ninety percent of your money! After all, you wouldn't want your ex-wife to live in a box with her new wonderful German boyfriend! Of course you wouldn't, because that would just be mean. So remember, if you aren't a part of a happy couple this Valentine�s Day, just hold your head up high and blow your brains out. After all, a permanent solution to a temporary problem is always the best solution!
