A Modern Dissenter's Guide to Rebelling in Proper StyleA Modern Dissenter's Guide to Rebelling in Proper Style (Title not stolen from a similar sounding Good Riddance album, I assure you)
What's that my little punk rock listener friend? You wanna rebel against the man? You want to bring this faulty government into an anarchy? Is that what you want? Well, you've turned to the right place my friend. You see, I just happened to write a guide to rebelling the right way. Just follow these easy steps and you soon will be on your way to achieve the coveted status of 'rebel!' Oh boy!
Music:
You have to listen to a certain type of music to be a rebel. Those country records are out; everyone knows that country music is just mindless redneck nationalism. How can you be a rebel if you�re listening to anthems about how America is beautiful and such? No, to be a rebel you must either listen to punk rock or hip-hop. If you�re white, you must listen to punk to achieve the rebel status. If you happen to be black, it�s hip-out. Do not break these rules or you will get a much worse status of �poser� or �wigger��.which is just awful.
Now, since this guide is geared towards the punk spectrum of things this is what I�ll be focusing on. Before you can start listening to any music, you must say all bands on major labels suck. Also, if a punk band went to a major label over the course of their career you MUST call them sell-outs. This is important to the rebel lifestyle. Also, another important thing you must do in order to be a rebel is belittle everybody else�s taste in music. Oh, and of course you have to hate emo music�just because it�s the punk thing to do.
Now then, now that you have the mentality of a typical idiot�I mean punk rock fan, you�ll have to find yourself some music to listen to. This is where you go to your record store. You must buy one album from each of the following artists if you want to be considered a rebel: Anti-Flag, Bad Religion, The Dead Kennedys, Black Flag, Minor Threat, NOFX, and of course the Sex Pistols. Now that you have these records, you should throw everyone of them out because NONE of them are real punk rock�.well except for Anti-Flag of course. The only real punk rock band is the Causalities, so you should go out and buy everyone of their albums five times. This will secure your status as a rebel musically.
Dress:
Everyone knows a rebel must dress a certain way. After all, a nonconformist should wear the same clothing every other nonconformist should. Take a hint from those lovable punk rock heroes the Causalities here. In order to fit the bill of a rebel, you need to have a huge Mohawk, more than five tattoos, a leather jacket, tethered clothing without brands on it (everyone knows it isn�t rebellious to wear clothing with brand names on it), tons of pins....preferably Causalities pins because those will make you really look rebellious, and of course patches you made yourself that say �BUSH IS A MORON!�
Congratulations, you are now dressed the part of a rebel! There is only one final step needed on your path to become a real rebel.
Fighting For Something:
This a key thing to become a rebel. You may look the part and you may listen to the right music, but without something to fight against you�re just another poser listening to shitty street punk while sporting a hair style that died in the �80�s for a good reason. You must take a stance on something and rebel against it. The popular rebel of today is fighting against President Bush! Therefore you should buy a bunch of �Not my president� shirts from www.fatwreck.com to show off to your college buddies who also feel the same way. (It�s because they�re awesome rebels as well.)
Of course, being a true rebel is important here. You must not vote in the upcoming election because doing so would only allow Big Brother to monitor us even better. Also, you must sport a large confederate flag in the back of your Honda Civic, especially if you live in the north. The confederate flag is the essential symbol of rebelism (and slavery) in the Un-ited States of America. Also, make a fancy word up for your stance and end it in ��ism� this will show the world just how rebellious and free-thinking you are. (Even if there�s a million other people who think exactly the same as you do.)
Congratulations, if you followed the steps in this guide you are now a true rebel. OI OI PUNX RAWK! Fight the power brudda, fight the power!
