Stealing Memos From The Caliph Of Islamabad Makes Me A Bad PersonStealing Memos From The Caliph Of Islamabad Makes Me A Bad Person
The following is a memo I secretly stole from a high ranking Islamic leader. I have decided to type in on my blog so everyone can view it because, why the hell not? Everything after this introduction is unedited and unaltered. Names and spelling were not changed to protect the guilty.
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Notes From The Caliph's Desk:
Ah yes, it is soon that time of the year. The time when all the girls can dress up in skimpy costumes and all the little brats get pieces of candy by dressing up as Spiderman and cheerleaders then knocking on people's door. The time I speak of is, of course, the unholy holiday you Americans call Halloween. The cleric under me, al-Muhammad Razar just nudged me and told me to type "Halloween? More like HELLoween amirite?" I guess he thought it was funny, but I don't understand it. Anywayz, seeing how it is almost the most evil day on Earth (next to the infidel's Election Day. I mean really, who elects leaders anyway? The spawn of Lucifer, that's who!) I have decided to decree Allah's divine orders as I do every year around this time. So without further ado, here are Allah's top ten divine decrees!
All cities in the world that have the names of holy figures in them (i.e, St. Louis, San Diego, etc) shall have their names formally changed to Muhammad World. Failure to do so will result in immediate Jihad.
Anybody named John will now be called Prinicaious, because some Italian company is funneling money to the Caliphate here in Islamabad and that's what they want in exchange for all that money.
Allah demands the city of Islamabad 's name changes to Islamagood, because Islam is not bad!
Allah demands that all high ranking clerics, shahs, caliphs, priests and what have you have a Blackberry, a fancy Nokia phone that can be used to strike down infidels with just eight strokes of a finger, an iPod fully loaded with music composed in 1570, and anti-gravity devices that allow them to float.
Allah decrees that Carlos Mencia was never funny and will never be funny. He also decrees that Larry the Cable Guy can "git'r'done," but only if the thing he is gitting done is dying a horrible death via a cable modem.
The United States will have to officially change their name to "The Addicted To Oil States Of America" so we can continue to laugh at them.
Allah says that people with the last name of bin Laden aren't allowed to his annual Pious Swinger parties.
Allah demands that Muslim rapper MC Fatwa Jihad be taken out of Jewish custody, so he can continue to spit his hot fire and phat beats to the Israeli citizens. (Note: It is not written in the decree if "spitting hot fire" is meant to be taken literal or not.)
Allah demands that all Top Ten Lists of Allah's decrees be written in a fancy numerical format so that it doesn't confuse stupid people.
There is no tenth decree, Allah was too busy macking bitches and making Gs to make another decree.
So my noble followers, follow the newest decrees by Allah or die!
