The Horrible Truth About AppleThe Horrible Truth About Apple
Perhaps you have heard of the Apple Corporation, what with their hugely popular Ipod and Imacs. You may not have heard about their less popular prototypes. It's a good thing that I'm here to dust off the old secret product archives of Apple and tell you about them. You're just so lucky.
Back in 1982, Apple created the Iraq Computer Infotainment Model. This product was a huge failure for several reasons. One reason was because it was named after some country in the Middle East that's like, bad and junk. However, the main reason is pretty much because they named it an infotainment model. Think about it, would you buy something called an infotainment model? Yeah, I didn't think so. Anyway, if we flash forward to the year 2004 we can see President Bush (who is really Steve Jobs, mastermind of Apple!) invaded Iraq (the computer and the country, in an odd turn of events.) so the failed experiment can be destroyed. Also, something about making sure Iraq had a terrorist democracy formed out of weapons of mass destruction fueled exclusively by oil. Something like that, anyway.
This is not the only large scale failure of Apple though. Oh no, there was a much bigger one a few years later. They make you forget their huge failures by brainwashing you with apples and stuff. Not me though, because I'm an investigator. Anyway, this huge failure was called the Iran 720 Computer model. It was quite successful for about six months in 1989. However, it soon became infected by an Ayatollah virus that caused the computer convert jpgs of water into jpgs of wine. (As you can tell, the Ayatollah virus is bad.) Steve Jobs could not have a computer that converted images, so he decided to destroy this one as well. In the year 2005, this is exactly what happened. Well, it didn't happen yet....but it will. I'm a prophet. You might be wondering why Mr. Jobs decided to pull this invasion. It's simply, he just plain hates white people you see. Mr. Jobs was actually a robot from the future sent to destroy white people and Christianity. First he had to get their trust by destroying Middle Eastern countries (and computers with the same name, for some reason)...and then he'd send them to the destroyed country and kill them. It was an evil plan, but you'd expect that from a robot from the future who is also the President and the guy who founded Apple computers.
