A Forged Autograph From The MessiahA Forged Autograph From The Messiah
Well, lemme tell you a story about an autographed picture
I got from our Lord and Savior
Of course, it was forged but I’ll get to that part later
Anyway, it was a Friday night
And I was enjoying a concert performed by my favorite
Christian punk band, The Jesus Crusaders
When all of a sudden I was hit over the head with a Bible
And the strangest thing happened to me when I came to
When my eyes opened, I saw Jesus Christ
And he said to me “Boy, I’m sorry for what I did.
So here’s an autographed photo of me to make up for my sins.”
Anyway, now I was pretty happy with the outcome
Although I was quite annoyed that the holy book
Was used as a bludgeon – but that’s all right
Since I saw the son of God himself
Now the very next day came along and I told my friends
About my holy “incident”
But they weren’t quite convinced, so I told them all about….
The strangest thing that happened to me the night before
I woke up and saw Jesus Christ
And he said to me “Boy, I’m sorry for what I did.
So here’s an autographed photo of me to make up for my sins.”
Well after they heard my amazing story
They laughed quite heartily and informed me
That the infamous “Christ Rapist” has had his way with me
It turns out that a strange old man who looks exactly like
Jesus Christ has a love of young adult males
First, he bludgeons them with a Bible at a Christian punk show
Then, he takes the victims to the “Hold Land,” aka his van
Where some very unsavory “miracles” occur
Finally, he brings the person back to the show and gives them
A forged autograph under the name of Jesus Christ
The strangest thing that happened to me the night before
I woke up and saw Jesus Christ
And he said to me “Boy, I’m sorry for what I did.
So here’s an autographed photo of me to make up for my sins.”
Well, I was mighty pissed about this whole ordeal
Because my funds were tight and I thought an autographed
Jesus picture would rake in the big bucks
It’s a shame it was a fake, because I really needed the dough.
So I decided to get this old bastard back via a good ole fashioned jihad
My friend Muhammad agreed to pick the “Christ Rapist” off
And now I can assure you that the passion’s of this Christ are finished
Because Jesus has died once again my friends
And this time it was for his sins
Well the strangest thing that happened to me the night before
I woke up and saw a phony Jesus Christ
And he said to me “Boy, I’m sorry for what I did.
So here’s an autographed photo of me to make up for my sins.”
But now he’s sleeping with the fishes.
