It tells the story of four college students, who really aren�t important enough to name, on a road trip to seek out the less tourist-friendly destinations of America. They come across a museum of murderers,and hear from Captain Spalding, a big guy in clown make up (who we see kill a robber in the opening), the local legend of serial killer Doctor Satan. Going in search of the tree where he was hung before his body disappeared, they meet the Fireflys- the busty Mother, old Grandpa Hugo, chunky Tiny, quite hot Baby and possible albino Rufus- and go to their house. We find out that the Fireflys are psychopaths, with people held captive upstairs. Then the expected happens.
A movie this derivative is what�s making me write a review that references so many films. The fact that it�s derivative isn�t even that big a complaint for me- Rob Zombie clearly copies through love, not through laziness or lack of creativity- but I guess it�s the things about horror he celebrates that stopped me from enjoying it. The film this clearly reminds most people of is The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but in my mind this is most similar to the fourth in the series, where a group of high school students are captured by Leatherface and his family, and they�re dysfunctional and �hilarious� and kill people.
Although at first we�re seeing the student�s story, once the Fireflys are introduced it�s all about them. As well as watching them interact with the students, and torture some kidnapped cheerleaders, we�re treated to some grainy interview type footage of the individual family members talking about how great murder is- those parts had a very Natural Born Killers vibe about them, and that isn�t a movie I personally wanted to be reminded of.
This whole celebration of murder thing that House of 1000 Corpses has going on was probably what turned me off the movie the most. You see, it�s not particularly scary, and while I have enjoyed plenty of horror movies that didn�t scare me -The Ring, the aforementioned Cabin Fever, the new Dawn of the Dead- it didn�t work in this one. There are a number of things, beyond being scary, that can make a horror movie good- all missing from House of 1000 Corpses. We don�t feel for the victims. Apart from a few moments with Captain Spalding near the beginning, it�s not particularly funny. There�s an attempt at a creepy atmosphere, but it doesn�t really work. There�s not a character you want to survive, there�s no emotional hit when anyone dies. There's no mystery. There�s no character development, nor is there deeper meaning to any of it. There�s gore, but no enjoyable gore. I didn�t want it to have all of these things, but a few of them wouldn�t have hurt. All that it does have is Rob Zombie asking us to enjoy watching the Fireflys kill and torture. It�s an empty snuff film with a lot of MTV-ish effects (split screen, rapid editing, use of different film stock, blahblahblah) that get annoying.
It�s not an entire waste of ninety minutes. Sid Haig�s Captain Spalding was fun enough to watch. The part where Rufus holds the gun to the police officer�s head is a moment of true tension. The fact that it was made with genuine love of the genre, and that everyone involved seemed to be enjoying themselves, is a minor plus. The best thing about it is that it never really has a dull moment. It doesn�t really have an abundance of heart-pounding moments, but things move at such a pace that it never gets boring
Really though, there really isn�t much reason to watch this movie. I wouldn�t call it offensively bad, and Rob Zombie has potential, but it�s all pretty pointless. Don�t avoid it like the plague; just don�t bother seeking it out.
Oh yes.
She will be mine.