Yes, of course they do, Sam. But it's 2004, man, and it's about time those tired old fairy tales got a makeover in authenticity. Hilary Duff style.
That's right: everyone's favorite Lindsay Lohan-hatin', Aaron Carter-datin' 16-going-on-25-year-old is back, fresh out of that pesky Lizzy Maguire contract with Disney, and she's about to show everyone what a real princess is made of.
First-time writer / "human being" Leigh Dunlap revamps the old fairy tale formula, now placing "Cinderella" in a San Fernando Valley high school, with a wicked stepmother pumped full of botox and some vicious stepsisters who don't even hesitate to sneak a peek at Cinderella's private e-mails. Oh, and Cinderella has a boy's name now. I was honestly rather thrown off that, in such a by-the-numbers film, her character's name wasn't Cindy or Ella or...Der...or any variation of Cinderella, so I'm just going to refer to the character of Sam as "our little Hilary" for the remainder of the review...as I generally have trouble separating life from fiction anyway.
Presumably based on our little Hilary's real life "Cinderella Story"...
Wait, no, that's not right.
Anyway, life was going just fine for our young heroine until her father died. Y'know, whatever. Turns out her stepmother is evil. (Also pretty wacky, as she's played by Legally Blonde's lovely Jennifer Coolidge.) All in the name of wicked parenting, evil stepmother makes Cinderella work night and day at the diner she inherited from her late husband, thoughtfully explains to our heroine that she's not very bright or pretty, and certainly never lets Hilary get out and have some fun...even though it's the night of the big Halloween dance.
Oh, Hilary wants so desperately to go. Y'see, this isn't just any old dance for our young heroine; it's her big chance to meet the object of her long-term internet affection. But, alas... she's stuck mopping the floors at the diner. Her stepmother doesn't want to hear any of it. After all, our little Hilary's gotta work a lot of hours if she's ever going to pay for a Princeton education! (No, seriously.)
However, once her stepmother exits the diner, stating that she won't be back until midnight, Hilary sees her big chance! Following some costuming help from the wacky-but-lovable diner crew, Hilary Duff's character rushes to the dance to meet her internet lover appropriately dressed in a gorgeous white wedding dress (again, no shit) and this cute matching mask to cover up her eyes.
Provided that you can suspend reality enough to believe that a few inches of plastic and fabric could fool homecoming-goers so thoroughly that Hilary Duff is anonymous even to her own stepsisters, this next part should be a real treat. Anyway, so she gets to the dance and whom does she discover was on the receiving end of those romantic AOL instant messages? None other than popular, dreamy star quarterback Chad Michael Murray!...setting up a classic "Sk8er Boi"-in-reverse scenario. Can our little Hilary get over her distaste for the popular crowd and fall for the One Tree Hill star? Will Chad Michael Murray still be enthralled by our heroine once he sees behind the mask and realizes that she's DINER GIRL? No time for that, as once things finally get going for the two, our young heroine's cell phone alarm goes off, and she has to rush back to her job before Stiffler's mom realizes she was ever gone. Chad Michael Murray is left with only a cell phone to locate and identify this mystery Cinderella.
I won't give anything else away, but, suffice to say, A Cinderella Story is a delightfully intense teen thriller from start to finish, featuring the best evidence since Britney Spears's 2001 road epic Crossroads that the aliens have made contact and are, in fact, faxing us movie scripts.
While she's no Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff is certainly an immensely charming teenage actress, and I can see this "fairy tales-come-true, 00's-style" genre offering a lot of range in her already diverse young career. With Cinderella Story boasting a healthy opening weekend of $13.8 million, here's hoping we'll get to see our little Hilary as a straight-talkin' high school Little Mermaid in the near future.
a) This is a high school romance. That's completely inappropriate.
b) It was already used for bookending purposes in the classic Sandra Bullock romp, While You Were Sleeping.
c) Hilary and her sister Haylie submitted the exponentially more appropriate teen-pop/cheese-metal cover of "Our Lips Are Sealed" to the soundtrack, a track which was randomly reserved for the credit sequence.