What we gots here is a purdy blond dame named Ada (acted all purdy-like by Nikole Kedman) wrapping her pretty long legs round dis here fine gennlemen named Inman who done got up n wen off tah war (acted all purdy-like by Jewd Law). Then we gots me, the routinest toutinest hi-fallutinst peece of trash-talkin gumption u ever layd your purdy ol eyes on!
Ya see, Ada n Inman are all up each others poop shoots cuz they sure lahk the way theyz bellies feel when dey lookit each other. But den Inman gets himself all war-like and dat makes Ada all sayyyd. Then enner me!! Ah help Ada in all her chores and dayly needs which of corse includes snappin off dem dang rooster heads lahk a cork offa bottla ale!
Inman gets his purdy lil self outta da war and trahs ta come home da his luuuuuve. Pffrrrt. Gimme a cucumber ana pictograph of Abbie Lincoln's caboose an Im all set. Ya see, dis whole here cinematica revulves round Inman n Adas luuuuve and how dey go thru so much triiiiaaals and juuuurneys da get back ta each udder.
If ya ass me, dis whole here picture was colder dan a ten gallon bucketa chicken piss until eye shuwed up. Ah make dis talkie wort while, alung wit udder colurful charicters dat Inman scuffles wit. Cept dat ol single mudder floozy dat Inman shacked up wit... garsh was she was an outta place pain in da posteriur.
Ya see, dats wat kinna makes dis talkie unenjoyble. Ya got yer drama and ya got yer comedics, an while dats all fine n nice by emselfs, when ya puttem togetter without when of dem fancy 'transexual saynes', it just mahks it seem like puddin togetter cow shiyyyet and rubbarb pie: it just dun work. [We think she means 'transitional scenes' - Ed]
But udder dan dat? Dis talkie ain't COMPLATE manoore. Purformanses by Nikole, Jewd, an mahself were fahn... altho eye did have a tendancy to over due. But dats wat ya gets when yur da onny ccharicter in a movie wurt givin' a krocadile tear bout.
Dis here is a real pretty cinematica, wit some nice muments and fahn actin. Itz just dat lack of good quahlitie transexual saynes and mah ocashional showboatin dat make it somewhut ridikulus. An whut was reeeaaally missin was a bangin luve sceyne wit me n Ada. I mean i hinted all thruout the dang picture dat I wanded her blond cooch all up inma mout but i guss I gotstbe mure direct.
I dun like dis andrew feller's revyoo ratin' sistem, so i'ma give dis movie my own endoorsment:
