The Paths Not Taken

Secrets of the Soul Part 4 (missing scenes continued)

//Private Thoughts or mental argument - when one person is trying to decide something.//
~Emphasis marks~
~~~~ scene change - small (or POV change)
******** scene change - large (or POV change)

(Again, PG 13 . . . a few parts mentioned.)

~~~~

//Ow. Why am I so sore - !!// Zack blinked as his vision cleared and sensation returned to his body. // ?? . . . Hello,// he thought with total astonishment for a moment as he saw a certain someone's face next to his own, until started to recall the night before. //Did that actually happen?// He glanced down. He was inches away from a sleeping Lyta, their faces almost touching. Her arms were around his waist, and she was using one of his arms as a pillow. They were both dressed, included shoes, on top of her quilt, and the room's lights hadn't even been dimmed.

Zack carefully retrieved his numb arm, feeling the start of some wicked pins-and-needles as he flexed his fingers. He hadn't felt so stiff for a long time - he must not have moved an inch while he slept. Every joint seemed to make a painful crunching sound as he stretched, reliving the past evening. Seeing her, touching her and accidentally picking up the same thoughts she was, Susan - there was a surprise! - and Byron, so many others. Memories he'd picked up - rape, being pregnant, school sessions, Little League with a much-younger Talia, watching a vorlon ship for the first time, a ski holiday years ago, when the Grins took off their masks, playing with Tyler, how her shirt was torn, the other babies hiding in downbelow, her first interview with Xenocorp . . . a hundred other memories that were from her, but he could suddenly recall, as clear and crisp as anything.

//I will never ever again underestimate this woman's abilities after last night. How can anyone, anyone at all live as a telepath? Almost explains why so many of them are so . . . the way they are. Keeping ~all~ defenses up so that they can't hear such things when they don't want to.// He propped himself up on his elbow, gazing down at Lyta. He did so much enjoy looking at her. Her arms were still loosely around him, an invitation he accepted, laying down right next to her again, cuddling close to her warm body. He had some thinking to do.

//First off, I want to meet the competition . . .// Zack smiled as a memory of a young boy hugging him/Lyta and giggling wandered back into his consciousness. //What a sweetie! I also need to do some serious apologizing to Lyta for getting mad at her without reason. I should have known she had better taste than Byron - wait a sec - Ivanova. I was getting her view too . . . ooooohhh hell. Her mother was a teep - could she be? No. No way! Bester would have pulled her in long ago - unless she was latent? When Bester came here - wait, wait, wait - that healing machine Marcus used. Could it have!? And then she was a teep? Lyta met with the Captain her first full day back and every couple of days afterwards. Usually alone. She'd never done that before - The Captain trusts her, maybe she was teaching her to control it? And if Bester was around, Lyta was right next to Ivanova like they were surgically attached. Blocking him like when Bester tried to get the Cap - the President to go to Za'Ha'Dum? Oh, boy. She ~is~ a teep. Byron would never F a normal. I mean, if he wanted to with a normal he wouldn't do it twice, even with one who looks like Ivanova. Wait, Lyta said third time - Eeew. And here I thought Ivanova liked women since - !!!!!//

//Since I know Talia Winters had spent at least one night in her quarters before being exposed - by Lyta - as a spy. Another Telepath. Captain God, a rogue teep? Well . . . that would explain her seeming to know everything that goes on. And her freaking about having rogues around - she must have been terrified for her own safety. Jeez. I've got to talk to her - there's almost a dozen non-human teeps here, what if they 'heard' events? And they started talking? Oh no. We barely kept her here after Marcus 'traded', if the Corps caught her - she'd probably use that PPG she sometimes carries on herself. Maybe that's why she carries it, a second form of self-defense. Who knows who Sheridan might get as a replacement? I have got to talk to her - what time's her shift today? Late afternoon, can't recall the exact time - I need to meet with her. Warn her.//

He touched Lyta's face gently. //I have to keep your friends safe. I promised you. Even if it means my commanding officer is included in that promise.// He kissed her again, mind wandering back to his/her memories, thinking to her, even if she couldn't hear him at the moment. //You like me! A ~lot~. But you were so afraid of what that - that bastard creep did to you, you never made a move. No wonder I thought you didn't care - no return signals. Well . . . not many. 20/20 hindsight. Asking to go for walks. Dinners out with a group, sitting next to me so often. Time together, but in public for safety. I know how much you - uh - crave - Byron, but even you admit he'd not interested in a serious relationship, one to one. He's not going to give up his harem just to keep you. But I'm ready to try serious. At least start trying. . . It's been so long . . . I think I'll take you up on your offers for a garden stroll. Maybe back to my room when you're comfortable - I so much want to sleep with you. But not with clothes on! My uniform's a mess. How much did I sweat last night? You need to clean up, too. Ummm . . . no, you might not want to shower together yet. B5's sonics are too cramped for one, never mind two. We'd have to stand very close - which is the point - but which would scare you. What am I thinking?!? I'm not going to put any pressure on her, not after what she just went through. Stay friends, Zack, stay friends. Deal with the now. Deal with Ivanova. What time is it?//

He rolled away from Lyta, onto his back so he could see the chronometer on the endtable beside the bed. //!!! That ~can't~ be right. Uh oh.// He rubbed his eyes and checked again. He'd slept right through his day off. He was supposed to start his shift in 10 minutes. Usually he'd be there by now, getting a report from the night supervisor. //I can't even get there in 10 minutes. And looking like this! I can't just leave Lyta here, what if she has some sort of relapse? I'm in trouble . . . or not . . .//

He hadn't even taken off his link to sleep. At least he'd had the sense to put his PPG and holster on the endtable before laying Lyta down. If it had been rolled onto and gone off . . . He cleared his throat, getting his voice working again before linking in to Security's Main Processing Office, a room Zack hoped he would be able to avoid today . . . especially if they traced the link's location. There were enough rumors floating around about him being sweet on Lyta. The fact she'd never slapped him for where his eyes kept going made more than a few of his troops talk. He could hear them sometimes, in the locker room, if the door was open. Speculation on whether or not they were an actual couple. Whether or not she liked to play with restraints. Among other things he would never dare repeat to Lyta for their utter crudeness.

"Sure, we can put him in charge for the day, Chief, but why? You actually going to let someone else play at being the boss?" G'Nol's dry comment made Zack scramble for an excuse. //Why'd one of the sharpest minds have to answer? Think of something!// He didn't notice the faint stirring next to him as Lyta came to from the sound of voices.

"I've got all sorts of sicktime built up that I've never taken. So report a day off for illness." He bit his lip nervously, realizing the sober old Narn knew full well that Zack had never been late once, and certainly never got too ~sick~ to come in.

The Narn started to ask if the Chief was feeling all right when G'Nol suddenly switched tracks at the sound of a very sleepy Lyta questioning softly, "Zack?"

// ! //

"Hey, sure, if you're sick you can't work, right? Just let us know if you're still - uh - feeling off - tomorrow, we can cover everything just fine. Station house out." The Narn's suddenly chipper voice ended with a click of the link closing down.

Zack relaxed and glanced down at the groggy lady who, half-asleep, was attempting to prop herself up on her elbows to look at him. "Was it my imagination, or did he seem to hear you?"

She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, still tired from the day before. She gave him a puzzled look before rasping, "Heard me what?"

//Heard you crank way up my 'male' status among my officers? Heard a (gorgeous) woman speak my name early in the morning - way too early for a legitimate meeting?// He grinned, planting another kiss on her forehead. She obviously wasn't used to having a sudden, early start to the day. "I'll get you a glass of water. Unless you've got coffee substitute here?"

She shook her head and yawned. "Tastes bad."

He went off and rummaged for a minute, then returned to her side with the water. "You said my name a minute ago - I think you were overheard." He half-grinned. //I hope the rumor mill doesn't catch Captain Ivanova so easy, It would end her career in seconds. Naw, she's too smart to get snagged. Plus if they call her, she's got an excuse for her location.//

~~~~

"I'm telling you, I HEARD someone!" The Main Processing Office's walls rang with the argument.

"And I still say, leave the Chief alone if he's with his ladyfriend. He's earned it, by far." G'Nol's calmer, quieter voice rebuked again as he punched codes into his panel, searching for something.

"Your Narn hearing isn't good enough to tell gender from a mumble, so how can you seem so sure about this? Even if it is a lady, which I doubt, he might have a hooker in his quarters for all you know! It's not like there's a woman ~patient~ enough to be romantic with him! 50 credits on it!"

"Here," the sector chief smugly pointed to the data screen info he'd just called up. "Rookie," he muttered under his breath.

Christov ignored the (erroneous) insult, asking "What is it?" as he came around the desk. His next action was a classic double take. "Woah."

"Every time a link is used, its location is tracked and logged. Security reasons. You're in security, you ought to have read the regs!" G'Nol's expression was of teasing patience, giving a lesson of which the contents were already known. "Location of where our dear Chief Allan just called in 'sick' from, including name of tenant. Pay up."

A low whistle. "Holy . . . Good taste! This explains - in customs that day - wait a minute - I thought he hated teeps?!"

"Guess not, eh? Pay up!" He waved his fingers in a 'give' motion.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here. Yeesh. I know he liked her but never though they'd - you know . . . so how'd ~you~ know?"

"Oh, I guessed a long time ago. You know about Alexander's last boss?"

"Who?"

"Get comfy. This'll take a minute. When she first came here, about 6 years back, the vorlon ambassador was poisoned a little while afterwards. They needed a teep to do a scan . . . find out what happened. Only one here at the time was Alexander - this is all in the old files, by the way. To shorten the story, she saved his - it's? - life. The Psi Corps called her back a few weeks later when they found out, and spent the next year and a half ripping her brain apart to get info on the Vorlons - which she didn't have. When she was able to run, she eventually made it back here. She'd been in the mars resistance for a little bit, so when they got wind there was a spy, they entrusted her with the information and sent her our way. The ship she arrived on looked like it was used for some serious target practice. I saw it, before it was scrapped. Not pretty. But she found the spy - turned out to be the teep the Psi Corps sent to replace her. Fought like hell. Killed a guard to try to get to Alexander, wounded lots more. Nearly got Sheridan, too. They put the spy in house arrest and patched Alexander up, letting her rest here, just down the hall - I don't know which cell - for a few days. She was semi-conscious and on an IV for some of it. Allan volunteered to help take care of her, made sure meals got into her, that sort of thing."

"So they met - when - '59? So how'd she get back? But she's Corps, right?"

"Yes. Let me get there. Sometime in the next several months, she ended up in a life pod that had drifted into vorlon space, dying."

"Into ~where~!?!"

"Vorlon space. I'm getting there. I guess they recognised her from having saved one of their own, decided not to let her have an 'accident'. I have no idea about the ship the pod came from. They patched her up somehow - all her old scars were gone - and brought her back here. Kosh kept her as an aide, gave her protection from Psi Corps retrobution. Running errands and stuff, not too hard at first, but probably saved the batteries on his encounter suit. He knew that a teep would be needed. We found out why when those shadow cruisers started making trouble. Alexander's the one who figured out how to freeze them long enough to kill them, taught the others, organised all the teeps after we'd screened them, and basically saved our hides. When the shadows came here, they were all set to frag us. They stopped, did nothing for a few minutes, then took off. We had no idea why, until a few hours later, doing sweeps in downbelow. Right next to the hull we started to find them, ~all~ the telepaths who'd been here. Some had died, the brains ruptured - they'd been in various medlabs from injures taken during previous battles but had made it to the hull when the Shadows showed up, and the added stress killed them. Most were unconscious, some bleeding from the eyes from the strain. Again, Alexander was there. She also was the one Delenn sent to find out what the Vorlons were up to - nearly died when she attempted a scan. Ivanova found her unable to talk straight until a lot of painkillers were injected, and they found out that the Vorlons were fraggin whole planets. Only time I'd ever seen her scared was that day. Also in her credentials is managing to lure Kosh out to the trap so we could drive him off-station, get to work saving civilization. She'd taken a heck of a blow, but made it to a doctors and got fixed up. Then she spent nearly every day out on White Stars, freezing shadows. Sheridan had personally requested her presence for the Coriana 6 battle. Might as well get the best, right? You know what happened. The First ones left, including the Vorlons. Sheridan gave her protection - as long as she remained on B5, the Psi Cops couldn't come and take her back, if they were still sore over losing their spy. She got badly injured right after they returned from Coriana 6. Thugs that actually thought she had a ~choice~ about being a servant for Kosh, if you can believe that! Would have left with them if she had a choice in th'matter. But I digress. In the month after the First Ones left, The Chief got his current promotion. Also started being more sociable to her - with no one around to pick on her, it was finally safe. A few days after, I met Allan in the Zocalo by chance. He made the comment that he'd known her for years but he still had no idea what she liked to eat. We talked for a few minutes, and he decided to go for traditional. He said he'd let me know if she liked pizza. I didn't press the issue, but here's proof she must have." He tapped the screen.

"That's when I think they started to date, but they kept it quiet. I'd see them together, as part of a group to try to keep us from talking. Not that the signals they kept sending each other weren't as plain as the spots on my face. Why she's in Psi Corps. A few weeks after that, a Psi Cop came. Only reason the Chief let him in was because he promised twice not to bother anyone. Turned out, Alexander had been trying to find work, but the more respectable Humans won't hire teeps who are not with Psi Corps. When he left, he'd given her 'deep-cover' listing and said he'd give a reference when people checked. Couldn't support her openly with the break from earth, I guess. He also hasseled Garibaldi, but you know how that particular mess ended. My guess is the greedy bastards knew how much business was going on here, wanted to get what they could in commission. So she was back in Psi Corps. The Bloodhounds left her alone when they came through, remember? And her refusing to meet Byron for so long, didn't want trouble."

Christov was nodding in understanding. "So basically you've been watching them flirt for about a year or so."

"Watching who flirt?" Came a new voice.

They both glanced up at the two new arrivals coming through the doorway, suddenly remembering they had a shift to do. "No one!" They said in unison.

Not ones to back down, (they wouldn't have survived B5's security if they were) the new arrivals glanced at each other, then went over and looked at the screen G'Nol had forgotten to clear. "So the Chief's finally admitting he has the hots for Lyta, is that it?�

"Uh . . . yeah. He called in sick."

"DO tell!" The 3rd officer grinned mischieviously.

"Tell what?" Another set of new arrivals entered.

The 4th quipped, "I dunno, Al . . . if he's caught that, he might never fully recover."

Laughing, Christov started on an edited version of what happened . . . and the rumor mill started to grind.

~~~~

Zack sat down beside Lyta, taking the empty glass back and setting it down on the endtable as she laid back, yawning. He smiled at her as she gazed back, the perfect picture of calm and trust.

He tipped his head a little to one side, thinking. Then he leaned over and kissed her, lips brushing hers, his hand moving to stroke her neck. She froze, and Zack backed off to resume looking at her. "I'm just glad you weren't deliberately hurt by them . . . Physically, I mean." He smoothed her shirt out, adjusting the gap so she was covered a little better before placing his palm over the rip. "But, there is a problem - not for me, but I want to help with . . . with a little blond problem."

Lyta, suddenly terrified, realised that during the mindshare Zack had learned all about Tyler . . . and the other children. "Oh no no no NO! You can't shield your thoughts, Zack, when Bester gets back-" Her frantic comprehension was cut short by Zack's hand being clapped over her mouth.

"Lyta. Calm. Down."

She shook her head 'no' and tried to pry his hand off, without success.

"Lyta, my job is to protect everyone on this station. Including Tyler. Including you. Including all those kids no one else is supposed to know about. Lyta, this is not the first time minors have been teeps here. I'm not going to let that arrogant little creep take them away to the Corps. The Corps took Mariah and our baby away by killing them, the Corps took your children away to be raised without even letting you SEE them! I - will - not - let - this - happen - again!" He lifted his hand, cupping her chin in his palm, making their eyes meet. "I love you. I don't want you to suffer."

Her eyes closed over unshed tears. *//How?//* The faint question echoed in his mind.

"Mostly from Delenn . . . a 'special envoy' to Minbar doesn't have to be a certain age - there are so many differences, and similarities, that whole teams, families even, are in Tuzanor, just . . . talking. Translating, listening, and whatever! I'm not sure about that they do when they get there, but I DO know that if we can get them onto a minbari ship heading home, they'll be safe. How many of the kids and mothers - including any pregnancies - were found here when Bester arrived, so are listed on the arrest warrant?"

"Only two expecting mothers . . . that I know of, some of the other women listed might be pregnant . . . Byron is very . . . well. You've seen."

"Did I ever." He shuddered. "I'm sorry, but there'll never be any way to change my opinion that a guy isn't supposed to feel what a girl does - his own reaction seems to pitiful in comparison - you'd need those reflections just - to - oh. Nevermind, I get it now. Why Byron sticks to teeps. Anyway, keep going."

"They have a room, lots of metal shielding, when the others ran elsewhere and the bloodhounds came through, the door was closed - invisible. I stayed with them. I jammed the bloodhounds. They never saw, they never felt, they don't know about most of the mothers, none of the born children. When they closed the area after the search, I made it out through an airduct and tried to help - that's why you saw me. Even when we were being hunted, we weren't scanned, Bester knew they'd have time later to get everything from us, when the alliance couldn't interfere. Oh but Zack, Bester will scan you he always does, with everyone he can he doesn't care about the rules - he'll find out! Because you know and they'll take Tyler and they'll take EVERYONE!" She had pulled away again, tumbling backwards and burying her face in her hands. *//I don't want to be alone I don't want to be alone I don't want to be alone I -//*

*//Then we'll do it before they return!//* He had pressed his forehead to hers and thought as hard as he could.

"Ow! Too loud." She gasped softly.

"Sorry." He pulled away, sitting up beside her. "Just had to get your attention . . . I . . . could hear what you were thinking. I guess we still had some kind of bond going. I will speak with Delenn as soon as it is possible. It will happen, you know that she loves children. Why, for months - well until this latest war started - when a ranger who has children visits from Minbar, sometimes the tikes would come along, she meets th-" Zack stopped, blinking. "That's it."

Lyta could feel the images, ideas, words pouring from inside him, understanding.

"Let the rangers take them to Minbar - if the people think that the rangers are the parents, get them past customs that way . . . will it work?" She repeated out loud.

"If they stay here, they'll be found. If we can get them away, they'll be safe. If it works. If we can try."

"Byron has worried about what will happen to his children when the 60 days are up. I've seen it in his eyes when he'd come visit them."

Zack's frustration sprung back. "He seems very possessive, 'my' children, 'my' telepaths, 'my' cause. Lyta, I know this will end with bloodshed, rivers of it - Byron is a martyr! I have seen someone just like him, and I helped pick up the bodies left behind. And the one on Io? His 'cause' wasn't half as volatile as this is, between the Corps, rogues, normals . . . I can't let you risk getting hurt, killed - I know, I know it's your own choice, and for your sake I hope telepaths can have a homeworld where the corps can't touch them, but whether Byron wins or dies . . . I'd still lose you. Maybe I never had you . . . but I love you, I love all of you and everything about you, I want . . . I want . . . " His voice trailed off, words inadequite.

But Lyta knew the concepts he fought with since he all but shone with the intense emotions he was radiating. Lyta was both terrified, because of the past and the potential future and she was joyful, because of the now . . . and a different potential future. Before yesterday, she and he had both misinterpreted signals, both made assumptions that turned out to be false, and both let their pasts force decisions rather than just offer guidance.

Lyta was scared of the pain that had always come from males, scared of how fast her brief encounters with pleasure had been forced upon her then been removed. And Zack knew it, remembered it from her memories. Zack couldn't believe the . . . the ~things~ the guy had done to her . . . If he hadn't forced her pain receptors not to function during the actual acts, instead triggering the pleasure receptors . . . the aftershocks, once he'd rolled over and gone to sleep and Lyta would lose the blocks he'd put in . . . the way she would scream . . .

He knew he couldn't go 'all the way' with her, it would be too much after what she'd just been through, but he could calm and comfort her. His eyes noticed something, a shimmer of gold peeking out from under her pillow. He pulled out a satin nightgown, then fished for the robe he'd seen on her months before. The robe he kept out, stuffing the gown back into hiding. "Sit up?" he requested.

She did so, unbuttoning her shirt and shrugging out of it. He had expected her to turn around to change, but she didn't. At his admiring/confused stare she commented, "You already know."

That's when Zack remembered he had seen her from her own perspective . . . different from his own, however. He said 'They're lovely . . . Tyler gave you a bit of a bruise here, however. Does it still hurt?"

"No." She put the robe on but didn't bother to tie it closed, just pulled it together before lying back down, her distracted thoughts a million light-years away.

He looked at her, taking time to memorize her appearance. // ! Almost forgot about these again.// He blinked and leaned over to take her shoes off for her, and his own. He could tell she was nervous about what was probably coming next as he shrugged off his uniform jacket, tossing it towards a nearby chair. He missed, but didn't notice.

He went slowly, gently, starting by just lying next to her, not removing any more of their clothes, holding her, letting her touch his mind. He told her jokes he'd learned over the years, making her laugh and groan and smile at him and he'd wonder when the local sun had gone supernova, it was so bright and beautiful.

They found out she was ticklish, something she'd never known, as no one had ever tried before.

She found out she liked the way he tasted in a kiss, liked the roughness of his skin after not shaving felt under her fingertips, her lips.

He examined her eyes and learned her irises were three shades of brown, instead of the two he'd thought before. She learned to kiss with her tongue. She learned how to taste him the way he wanted her to. He helped her discover how sensitive her earlobes and the tender skin behind them were.

They helped each other undress, slowly, one piece of clothing at a time, replacing the cloth with tentative kisses, down to their underwear but not past, eventually bringing the covers overtop of themselves, although Lyta's trembling wasn't entirely from feeling cold. Zack would pause to hold her whenever she grew nervous, shhhing her gently, letting her head be cradled against his chest while he stroked hers tenderly, until she chose to continue.

She counted his many scars, making him tell how he'd received them, unless the memory was too sore, then she'd just kiss the scar and search out the next one.

He watched her as she explored with growing initiative, neither one quite willing to accept that this isn't a dream. Zack admitted to her he'd had dreams about her . . . and him . . . together like this.

"Was . . . was I good?" She questioned bashfully.

He nodded, embarrased. "Mostly foreplay, like this . . . uh . . . I want to give you a second massage, if you'd let me sometime. Ivanova gave me the bottle - still half-full. I mean, if you . . ."

Lyta smiled, as shy as he currently was, and agreed.

She'd begun trembling again, as she lay next to him, bodies just touching, her eyes not quite meeting his as her fear returned yet again, weaker from trust, stronger from the feel of his hot body so close to her own . . . She was tired but excited and aroused but terrified and she wanted to go further but just couldn't.

For all her self-hatred, for all that she loathed being a telepath, her curse was something she'd come to depend on for her very existence. He had let her in before . . . she had to find out. She had to know.

Zack could feel a timid presence creep in next to his own tumultuous emotions, starving for passion, terrified of having his mind burned, extremely concerned for not causing Lyta to be hurt, plus a different fear that didn't belong to him but affected him more deeply than what he did feel for himself. //It's ok . . . it'll be all right . . . // He whispered a reassurance, letting the thought drift over her like his lips were lightly caressing her gasping cheeks tenderly.

He let Lyta glide a bit deeper into his mind, feeling her terror of him-as-a-male, but her trust of him-as-a-friend as well, arousal from them both, concern, somehow mixing emotions - confusing at first - but after just a few minutes of soulbinding like this he wanted it to never stop. He wanted it to last forever, to go deeper. He wanted to take his too-tight boxers off and move into her soft, hot body.

He moved closer to her physically, suddenly pressing against her from their knees all the way up to their faces as they kissed. There was a small second's delay in her as his erection slid against her thighs, he saw a third //!?!!?// eyelid slide jet-black across both her eyes, then a sudden wall of terror slammed into him like the eye-wall of a cyclone hits. //NOOOooooooo //

Everything stopped.

********

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