~ You can't win. You can't break even. You can't even quit the game.
~ I intend to live forever. So far, so good!
~ Never take life seriously; nobody gets out alive anyways.
~ The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen all at once.
~ The problem with reality is a lack of background music.
~ Living right doesn't make you live longer. It just makes it seem longer.
~ Time is merely a waste of reality.
~ I can't promise that I'll try. But I'll try to try.
~ One good thing about Alzheimer's is you meet new people every day.
~ If at first you don't succeed, re-define success.
~ The things that come to those who wait may be the things left over from those who got there first.
~ Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
~ He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
~ Madness has no purpose or reason; but it may have a goal.
~ It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have doubts.
~ Some people hear voices... Some see invisible people... Others have no imagination whatsoever.
~ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
~ I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you.
~ Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You'll see.
~ I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert.
~ People say that I don't have any points. But knives have points and I have lots of knives so therefore I have lots of points!
~ You know you have problems when you refer to a super model from Paris as a Quarter Pounder with cheese.
~ I ate a man's brain because he said I was stupider than him, and you know what, now I feel smarter. Isn't that neat?
~ I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
~ Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
~ When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
~ I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
~ Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
~ If you took all the stupid people in the world... you'd have formed Rhode Island.
~ The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
~ Many people, when they run into a telephone pole, blame the pole.
~ If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
~ I can't dial 911... there's no 11 on my phone.
~ He may look like an idiot, and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
~ You should always write your name on your underwear. See, I'm Machine Wash Cold.
~ Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
~ She has a mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in most places.
~ When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.