irresponsible on his part and he obviously has no understanding of what it takes for a submissive to truly give of herself. I believe that limitlessness can be reached for some couples...but only after a true bond of trust, love and commitment have been formed. Unless that point has been reached in the relationship, the Dominant has no business asking for or expecting limitlessness from a submissive that he has no feelings for.
13. If your Dominant tells you that he is going to "enjoy" a punishment that you have coming to you for a wrong doing...This is not D/s...Punishment should NOT be a sexual turn on for a Dominant. He can enjoy sadistic pleasures with you, if thats his thing...But punishment in my view should be for correction and/or absolution for the submissive, and should NOT be enjoyed by either party, or combined with pleasure during a session.
14. If you suspect that your Dominant has issues with becoming emotionally involved, and attached, or seems to be confused and ambiguous about his own needs...You should think twice about being involved with him. This is not the place for a Dominant to be experimenting or trying to "find" himself. If he is not clear on his own needs and the terms of the relationship, then he is in NO position to be guiding and controlling another human being. PERIOD!!
I also would like to add something from the other side of the coin...Although I do believe in ideals and the thought of a mutual emotional evolution between two people being at the core of D/s, It is also my personal belief that there is a place in this whole BDSM arena for casual, non-committed scening between two consenting adults....which leaves the realm of D/s and crosses over the line into casual sex flavored with S and M.....This can be lots of fun if this is your thing...HOWEVER...If this is the case, the terms of the relationship should be clear, concise and agreed upon by both parties upfront. And the Domination and submission between the two people involved should not extend beyond the session itself. If you are involved just for sexual play and mutual pleasure, then the power exchange should occur only during the scening. More specifically, the Dominant should NOT encourage the "giving" of "self" from the submissive, or the deepening of her submission to him on an emotional level. Nor should he impose rules upon her or exert control over her in any way, shape, or form outside of the session.
When I first came onto this scene, I was new to D/s and new to chat. I was thrilled to find a place where others were like me, and I no longer felt like a freak for having the submissive feelings that I had felt from the age of about 3....so for that reason alone, I was happy to have stumbled upon it, but the whole chatroom thing is unique unto itself and should be kept in the proper perspective. Its like a family in the sense that we accept and welcome even those that we dont like, those that we dont approve of, or those that we even know are a danger to others...Its something that Ive never seen anywhere else. And I have learned after being here for a couple of years that what goes on in the room really has very little to do with the D/s lifestyle. Although I have made some very real friendships here, I also believe that the rooms are mostly a place to joke around and have some fun with kinky inuendo...Its a great place to go when you want to have a few laughs, but it should not be taken that seriously. Also keep in mind that it is so easy in a chatroom for someone to create an illusion of what they want you to see....Its easy for a predator to disguise himself as a true Master/Dominant...Its easy to form "friendships" and the image that you need to lure in victims...You should never assume that because a room full of people show someone "respect" that he is indeed respectable...That was my biggest mistake...I was taken in by the romance of the room and allowed it to distort my normally good sense...TRUST YOUR GUT. And dont assume that because a particular dom has or has had a long term relationship with a submissive in the past that he is a safe dom. There are many many submissives out here lacking in good judgement, self-esteem, and common sense, who would be very happy to settle for a mediocre Dominant. DO NOT allow your own decisions to be influenced by someone elses judgement or viewpoint...As is easy to do when first coming into this lifestyle. Please be careful out here and choose wisely.
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