From my experience with this "Dominant", these were some of the things I should have recognized as pitfalls. As a novice, I thought he was "Domming" me...Boy was I wrong!! If you see any of these signs...this "Master" is nothing more than a player, and he hasn't got the first clue as to what this lifestyle is all about.
1. If a would be Dominant tells you on your first meeting that you are there to "serve him" and he needs to see a "sign" that you are capable of being submissive to him....Don't buy this!! You are there to meet him, talk to him, get to know him and interact with him as two equals...you are NOT there to serve him at this point!!
2. If he tells you after spending an hour and a half with you at your first meeting that he wants to "session" with you next time...Dont do it...You need more time to get to know each other as people and friends before you can be Dominant and submissive to each other. You need to get to know this person to determine not only if he is WORTHY of your submission, but more importantly whether or not he is capable of handling the responsibitly of the power you bestow upon him.
3. If he admits being promiscuous, but strongly opposes your request of him to use a condom...RUN, dont walk to the nearest exit. If he hates the condom that much, he should commit to being monogamous to you....Your health and safety should be more important than his sexual pleasure!!
4. If he tells you that this is all about what HE wants and that you are nothing more than an "object" to be used...This is a crock!! This statement has nothing to do with being a Dominant, and EVERYTHING to do with being a selfish ignoramous. A true Dominant knows that without mutuality, there is no D/s. Its for the enjoyment and need of both parties involved.
5. If at some point you voice dissatisfaction about something concerning the relationship, and his response is to say "if you don't like it you can leave". This is a Major sign the he doesn't value the relationship at all. ( I thought he was teaching me not to whine and not to make a big deal out of the "small" stuff...but instead I learned to fear talking to him and I learned to keep things bottled inside). A true Dominant is always interested in what his submissive has on her mind, and wants her to feel comfortable enough to come to him with ANYTHING, even if its something negative.
6. If he ever uses an ultimatum of ending the relationship to alter your behavior, this is a major sign of weakness in your Dom. A Dominant with a clue knows that TRUE respect, trust and submission, are freely given when a submissive feels safe, cared for, nurtured and secure. Our willingness to submit should never be born of fear, intimidation or threats.
8. If you've been sessioning physically with this Dominant and he has never asked you about YOUR sexual preferences, likes, dislikes, etc, but thinks only about his own pleasure. This is a bad sign as far as I'm concerned. As a submissive I truly do derive pleasure from giving pleasure and asking nothing in return, but when a Dom does'nt even begin to concern himself with what might please you...this is a sign of more selfishness) This was only about HIS pleasure.
9. If your Dominant tells you that its not uncommon in this lifestyle for a submissive to give EVERYTHING she has while getting no reciprocation of feeling from her Dominant...GET OUT!! (having had no experience, I actually believed that was being submissive) This is another crock!! Only a doormat would do that.
10. If your Dominant tells you that he loves to "press your buttons", and/or tells you that he enjoyes making you jealous...This is not a sign of good things to come!! A true Dominant knows that a D/s relationship is not a forum for playing head games. A true Dominant, protects and cares for his submissives psyche.
11. If your Dominant asks you if you are willing to give him your "heart, mind, body, and soul" after having had one sexual encounter with him...Not only is this a totally inappropriate request at such an early stage, but its also become sort of a "mantra" out here in AOL land, and you should beware of anyone who starts throwing that phrase around. It takes alot of time and care and nurturing to evolve to a point of letting someone in on that level.
Conclusion