* "Dudley had reached roughly the size and weight of a young killer whale."
* "Er- why are you calling that owl pig?" Harry asked Ron.
"Because he's being stupid," said Ginny. "It's proper name is Pigwidgeon."
"Yeah, and that's not a stupid name at all."
-Harry Potter, Ginny and Ron Weasley
* "I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days."
"Yeah, someone might slip Dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?"
"That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway! It was nothing personal!"
"It was," Fred whispered to Harry. "We sent it."
-Percy and Fred Weasley
* "I enjoy a healthy breeze round my privates, thanks."
-Archie at the Quidditch World Cup
* "You can speak English!" said Fudge to the Bulgarian minister. "And you've been letting me mime everything all day!"
"Vell, it vos very funny."
-Fudge, Bulgarian Minister
* "Now, Mum," said Fred, looking up at her, a pained look on his face. "If the Hogwarts Express crashed tomorrow and George and I died, how would you feel to know that the last thing we ever heard from you was an unfounded accusation?"
-Fred Weasley
* "I'm never wearing them," Ron was saying stubbornly. "Never."
"Fine," snapped Mrs. Weasley. "Go naked. And, Harry, make sure you get a picture of him. Goodness knows I could do with a laugh."
-Ron Weasley and Mrs. Weasley
* "Durmstrang's got to be about the same size as Hogwarts- how are you going to hide a great big castle?"
"But Hogwarts is hidden," said Hermione, in surprise. "Everyone knows that... well, everyone who's read Hogwarts, A History, anyway."
"Just you, then."
-Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger
* "Wow!" said Dennis, as though nobody in their wildest dreams could hope for more than being thrown into a storm-tossed, fathoms-deep lake, and pushed out of it again by a giant sea monster.
-Dennis Creevey
* "Now, Ron, the Sorting is much more important than food," said Nearly Headless Nick.
"'Course it is, if you're dead."
-Nearly Headless Nick, Ron Weasley
* "I am not joking, Mr. Weasley, though now that you mention it, I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a troll, a hag, and a leprechan who all go into a bar..."
-Professor Dumbledore
* "I was saying that Saturn was surely in a position of power in the heavens at the moment of your birth... your dark hair... your mean stature... tragic losses so young in life... I think I am right in saying, my dear, that you were born in mid-winter?"
"No," said Harry. "I was born in July."
-Professor Trelawney, Harry Potter
* "I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing... maybe you're got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry."
-George Weasley
* "As I sat here, absorbed in my needlework, the urge to consult the Orb over-powered me. I arose, I settled myself before it and I gazed into its crystalline depths... and what do you think I saw gazing back at me?"
"An ugly old bat in outsize specs?"
-Professor Trelawney, Ron Weasley
* "Can I see Uranus too, Lavender?"
-Ron Weasley
* "Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy."
-Ron Weasley
* "Why do they have to move in packs?" Harry asked Ron as a dozen or so girls walked past them, sniggering and staring at Harry. "How're you supposed to get one on their own to ask them?"
"Lasso one?"
-Harry Potter, Ron Weasley
* "Ron, can we borrow Pigwidgeon?"
"No, he's off delivering a letter," said Ron. "Why?"
"Because George want to invite him to the ball."
"Because we want to send a letter, you stupid great prat."
-George, Ron, and Fred Weasley
* "Only this morning, for instance, I took a wrong turning on the way to the bathroom and found myself in a beautifully proportioned room I have never seen before, containing a really rather magnificent collection of chamber pots. When I went back to investigate more closely, I discovered that the room had vanished. But I must keep an eye out for it. Possibly it is only accessible at five-thirty in the morning. Or it may appear at the quarter moon- or when the seeker has an exceptionally full bladder."
-Professor Dumbledore