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My Interview with the Dursley Family by Willy |
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Ok, so everyone knows that the Dursley family is crappy. They suck. No one likes them. But it does make you wonder why they kepy Harry and didn't just send him to the orphanage. They don't like anything magic so Dumbledore had to have done something to get Aunt Petunia to keep him. Here you will find it out. . . . but you probably won't. Thank you and please poop in the ocean. |
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Pictures of the Dursley's |
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Sorry to mess up your family bonding time. I can see that Dudley now has 2034988023048932 presents for this birthday. He is spoiled. I don't like that. I grew up in a family with 54 brothers and sisters, me being the oldest. And then my parents died when I was 12 and left me with them to take care of and we were happy when we got ONE PRESENT!!! |
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Our little snookums Dudley gets everything he wants because he is fat and if we don't oblige his every wish he threatens to sit on us! *Aunt Petunia starts crying at the thought of Dudley's crusty ginormous butt sitting on her face* |
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Yes, I can see how that would be painful and crappy. NO PUN INTENDED!! Too bad Harry can't magic him skinny wouldn't that be-------- *Willy is interrupted as Vernon Dursley goes psycho and starts punching himself in the stomach and yelling* |
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I wonder if he is Neville's brother in real life. . . |
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*A violent, vile shade of beet root maroon* WE DO NOT SAY MAGIC! WHAT THE HELL! NO FREAKIN MAGIC! DON'T SAY THAT WORD GOSH DARN IT! COME OVER HERE SO I CAN WHIP YOU WITH MY SMELTINGS STICK! MAGIC IS CRAP! MAGIC IS CRAP! MAGIC IS CRAP! M a g i c i s c r a p. *Vernon seems to use that as a sort of mantra and it eventually soothes him until he stops beathing himself in the thighs with the Smeltings stick. |
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He reminds me of a less hairy and rather more scary (rhyme time for SHIZZLE) Santa Claus. I don't likie. . . |
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*Watches grimly as Vernon has beat himself so much in the stomach he begins to throw up. It is gross. I don't like this part. . . .* Umm, well, yes. Fine no more M word. I understand completely. But OK, onto the questions. So I know you've meant the Weasleys and they are a perfectly nice wizarding family? Why don't you like them or seem keen on letting Harry stay with them? |
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Anything dealing with that bloody school is dispicable. We know we have little control over Harry seeing as how he is as rabid as a friggin dog, but we do have some say over his life. Last time those Weasley's came over, our poor muffin kins, had a swollen tongue that was very long and atrocious. We hate them. WE HATE THEM WE HATE THEM WE HATE THEM *Again, this seems to be a mantra, except instead of calming them down seems to make them even more crazy* |
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Awww, what a nice family picture. I DON'T LIKE IT! ARGHHH NO LIKIE THIS PICKIE!! NOOOOOOOOO |
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*Runs screaming as they grab torches and pitchforks and try and kill our darling Willy* NOOOOO SOMEONE HELP ME! PREFERABLY SOMEONE WAY WAY WAY HOT BUT ANYONE AT THIS POINT WILL DO! |
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HAHAHAHA HARRY GETS THE LETTERS ANYWAY!!!! |
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From this point we lose connection for quite some time. About three hours or so. Willy called the Word Squad, the Ninjas, and even the Order of the Phoenix but they were all reading Ender's Game and marveling over the greatness of it. Willy had already read that book a myriad of times so that is why she wasn't there. Finally someone comes. Willy only sees giant, pasty, hairy kankles. Someone you would least expect. . . . |
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I'm 'ere ta save ya Willy! Don't chu worry 'ur lil' pretty head off! Jest give me a lil' while to catch my breath. I 'ad to run three blocks to get 'ere. *He then kneels over and kiss the Dursley's by complete accident. He couldn't see over his gigantic beard or large butterbeer belly and he crushed them. Oh and he sliced their heads open with his toenails. He has a habit of doing that if you click here* |
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Still ugly. If my possible future family looked remotely like this I WOULD POOPY ALL DAY!!!!! |
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Editor's Note: That Willy is a wily one ain't she! She gets everyone to read Ender's Game and she even gets the bad guys killed. ON ACCIDENT OR NOT! It's amazing, if only everyone were more like her. So yes, Hagrid got a medal but it consequently got lost in his hairy chest. It's like he carries a little person on his chest. It's pretty weird. Whatever. Willy rocks the Casba. |
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