The Pentium 6 of Cool
“The CD that is almost literally, 21 inches long”
By:Matthew

I will try to keep this composition to be about as many words as my IQ, because I don’t want to scare you guys away from my article before I even get to it. I tend to go off on tangents and secants and cotangent of pi/2 (do the math please, that is a good joke), and don’t really get anywhere except into a tight hole of pain and sinning, or as I like to call it, Sebastian’s anus.

“The Pentium 6 of Cool” is actually a name given to a CD I recently created that expresses both the heart and soul of a human being. With some songs as beautiful and glamorous as rainbows, and others as passionate and lustful as Kitten Magazine: Swimsuit Edition every man on the brink of homosexuality is bound to find exactly what he is looking for. Created to be both a sing along and tribute to the greats of music (that’s right Zack, GREATS), I now present to you with a CD that will blow more than just your mind… if you work it right.

Note: Please excuse my mistakes with capital letters. I Capitalize anything with more than 2 letters. I’m a man. Also, don’t take my word on any of these song names or band names. I use Limewire.

Say my Name – Destiny’s Child
I Don’t Want to Wait – Dido
Total Eclipse of the Heart – Bonnie Tyler
Don’t Stop Believin’ – Journey
Roxanne – The Police
I’ll Make Love to You – Boyz 2 Men
Two Becomes One – The Spice Girls
Lucky – Britney Spears
I'll be Your Crying Shoulder – Edwin McCain
Kiss Me – Sixpence None the Richer
Tiny Dancer – Elton John
I Just Want to Use Your Love Tonight – Outfield
She Will Be Loved – Maroon 5
I Touch Myself - Divinyls
A Thousand Miles – Vanessa Carlton
Love's Divine - Seal
Spice Up Your Life – The Spice Girls
Girls Just Want to Have Fun – Cyndi Lauper
Complicated – Avril Lavigne
Break Away – Kelly Clarkson
Afternoon Delight – Will Ferrell and other people


I could go into dramatic details to defend the validity of each of these songs on the “Pentium,” but since it is being posted on the internet (the sole source of truth and justice), I know that you can just accept that these are the greatest songs of all times. ESPECIALLY Lucky. Did you see that ass on that thing? Well since my IQ is 439, I am right on target for ending it when I said I would. Make good decisions!

And if this article doesn’t make it, [Sebastian] can kiss my ass.


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