The NitaB Trilogy: Episode One
The Feign Drunk
One night I was chillin' in my room with a couple of the guys, I can remember Scott and Chris were in here and boring jackass me was just sitting at my computer. I figured it would be just another normal uneventual night when one of my girl friends from campus IMd me. I had met her at dinner one night at Festival cuz I knew her roommate. She's a fellow history major, so basically just imagine a goofy boring me in girl form. But this night was different; I think it was on a Friday or Saturday night and NitaB was not being her normal self.
NitaB: hi honey
Hambone26: haha, hi
Hambone26: honey?
NitaB: how are you sweetheart?
Hambone26: hmmm, fiiiine... (Nina has never actually IMd me before)
NitaB: sexy!!!!!!
Hambone26: haha, why thankyou
NitaB: damn straight
Hambone26: you alright?
NitaB: now that im talking to the hottest guy at JMU i am
Hambone26: really? you're talking to Chuck? (Come on, you know Chuck is a damn sexy name)
NitaB: thsi is nita
NitaB: im talking to boner (Interesting name, I wonder what his parents were thinking when they named him that. Maybe they're Dutch)
Hambone26: you been drinkin' Nita?
NitaB: hell yes
Hambone26: haha, nice..... (See, I'm like this to everyone, for those of you who know how I am after you talk to me after you've been drinking. Especially her, she's more conservative than I am.)
NitaB: fuck yeah
Hambone26: riiight
NitaB: speaking of fucking (Hmmm...)
Hambone26: what of it?
NitaB: ya wanna???
Hambone26: haha....uhhh....rain check?
NitaB: nope...here and now, or never
Hambone26: haha, you mean you're never gonna drink again?
NitaB: what makes you think i am gonna want you next time?
Hambone26: because I'm the "sexiest guy on campus." remember?
NitaB: i didnt say that
Hambone26: NitaB: now that im talking to the hottest guy at JMU i am
NitaB: that wasnt me...must have been my evil twin
Hambone26: uh huh
NitaB: have you ever met her?
NitaB: shes a bitch
NitaB: her name is DIANE! (She sounds like a bitch)
Hambone26: yeah...she's hot
NitaB: you bang her?
Hambone26: nah...too loose (It's true. Hotdog down a hallway)
NitaB: do you like to have sex?
Hambone26: why of course
NitaB: how many women have you had?
Hambone26: 14
Hambone26: I mean 0 (Oops, Honest mistake)
NitaB: VIRGIN???? (Haha, is it that surprising? Come on, just look at me)
Hambone26: yes ma'am
NitaB: respectable
Hambone26: why thankyou
Hambone26: you?
NitaB: anytime stud muffin
Hambone26: haha, I thought you said this was my only chance
NitaB: w/me yeah
NitaB: you can whoever you want
Hambone26: can I? (I don't know, it's a hard choice. Anyone or weird drunk girl...)
NitaB: i dont know
Hambone26: so who did you want the last time you were drunk? is there so kind of lottery?
NitaB: yeah pretty much
NitaB: luck of the draw
Hambone26: what do you draw it out of?
NitaB: my fuckin cooter (Haha, yeah so I kinda set that one up...come on, it's fun to mess with drunks, you know it)
Hambone26: nice....how many names can you fit in there?
NitaB: about 50 (Haha, I'm assuming that would be a lot)
Hambone26: damn, that's quite a lot
NitaB: decent selection
NitaB: i can fit 8 hands up there (Ewww)
Hambone26: you've tried this?
NitaB: hell yes
NitaB: come on man
Hambone26: where do I sign up?
NitaB: gimme some credit
NitaB: you wanna be a hand?
Hambone26: or two (Haha, I know....)
NitaB: you cant just sign up, you have to be chosen
Hambone26: do I have a good chance?
NitaB: no
Hambone26: aw well
Hambone26: but I did win the lottery right?
NitaB: you did
Hambone26: so what did I win?
Hambone26: a toaster?
NitaB: a conversation w/ my drunk ass (I think I'd rather actually have a toaster)
Hambone26: well then how are you typing so well? Is being drunk just an excuse to want to get me in the sack?
NitaB: no, im dictating and my friend is typing for me, smart ass (Yes, now is when you scroll back through the conversation to prove my point: that she is typing way to well to be this drunk)
Hambone26: yeah right
Hambone26: I know you want it (You know she wants it)
NitaB: uh huh
Hambone26: otherwise I wouldn't have been in the lottery right?
NitaB: i gotta go
NitaB: youre no fun
Hambone26: haha...busted! (Haha, dumbass)
Hambone26: have a good night
NitaB: yeah ok
Hambone26: bye :-)
NitaB: you really you think i care what i think?
NitaB: i dont!
NitaB: bye!
Hambone26: haha, I don't normally think anything
NitaB: OK BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hambone26: cyah
Haha, She seemed to be a little irritated that I caught her in the act of trying to mess with the King of messing with others. Poor poor stupid little girl. But did you think I would leave it at this? Did you think I would let her off the hook without being punished for what she did?
This on-going 3 part series will be continued Next Weekend with the installation of Episode Two of the NitaB Trilogy. You don't want to miss it.