It's one of those nights with slow songs playing in the background. Candles lit around the room. Roosevelt in the corner, quietly sobbing to himself because I have not watered him in days. The night is somber and sad. I don't want to understand why this is but I know.

There is this amazing person in my life and I can have no part in him. Why am I so enamored with him? What is it that entices me? It's the fact that he is kind and offers help when it is not asked. It's the fact that he can act like a child and, at the same time, be a strong man. It's the fact that he smiles, that he laughs, that his brushing touches are like electricity to me. But he knows none of this, nor will he ever. And that is my dilemma.

I went snowboarding with him today. He let me rest my board on his feet on the ski lift. He let me fall into him after slipping off the lift. He waited for me as we went down the hill. And he does this just because it is who he is. There is no second meaning there and it kills me that he treats everyone like this (yes, I'm distorted but let me be, okay?). It kills me that these niceties are not only for me.

But, no matter how much this eats me up inside, I would rather have him around with the ocassional smile in my direction than to not have him around at all. So, I'll sit with this and just enjoy the time I get to spend with him.