Jack Goff

Jack Goff, Jack Goff

I was branded with a name that make's most people flush
They can't help but laugh and stutter and gush
My old man loved his humor, now I pay the price
When folks ask who I am, I have to tell 'em twice:
I'm Jack Goff.

Jack Goff, Jack Goff
I'm Jack Goff, Jack Goff.

Not so provacative, when viewed in print
But saying it aloud sends sparks like a flint
I try to avoid all the hub it evokes
But there are certain times I must tell folks:
I'm Jack Goff.

It's absurd when said on the telephone,
brings a snicker, or a laugh, or a sarcastic groan
With my credit card buys, I get prankster blame
"Hey, that's pretty funny', fella -- now, what's your real name?"


A real bad scene was on graduation day
To get my diploma, knew I'd have to pay
We were all lined up in gowns and caps
Everybody else's name got cheers and claps
'cept mine...

At stage side, I wait, getting tense as heck,
feeling little sweat beads creep and roll down my neck
As my name is called out, there's a hush and a groan
Could've crawled in a hole as I walk out alone, Jack Goff.


Thought of changing it once, but a high legal cost
And doubt if anyone would let the old one get lost
Wish I'd had a nickname like "The Goff" or Buzz
I got stuck with the worst tag there ever was: Jack Goff.

Tried a whole bunch a ways to live it down,
like printed name cards that I could pass around
Eight small letters make a big laugh sign
You just can't get a break with a handle like mine: Jack Goff.


Finally wore me down, I sought some counseling
When I told the guy my name, he said nothing
Didn't blink an eye, like most folks would
He just grinned and told me his, and I understood:
"Mike Hunt".

Jack Goff, Jack Goff
He's Mike Hunt, I'm Jack Goff!

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