Doug Raiden

At thirty-two

At thirty-two I learned the truth
that growing old is just as bad as youth
Girls, they only used to scoff
Nowadays they flip you off.

At thirty-two my life's a mess
My hair fell out from too much stress
I'm overweight, my vision's poor
I haven't had sex since '94.

And those of us with paltry wages,
whose careers are in their downward stages,
are often forced to hide at home,
from bill collectors on the phone,
who want you to repay their loan
I murmur vague obscenities
at credit card companies.

Those who only stand and wait
are there 'cause they can't get a date
The last woman to go out with me
charged a $200 fee.

The haven for the elderly
is now a pollution-spewing factory
The rich-relationed hometown queen
ssed to be a guy named Gene.

And even if you win the game,
after tax there is no gain
You needn't be a CPA*
to see that working doesn't pay
when your empty wallet gapes at you,
'cause the deductions on your W-2
exceed the income due
-- at thirty-two.

To ugly girls I'd like to say:
What are you doing Saturday?
And to people who've contracted AIDS:
Sorry, but at least you got laid.

Long ago and far away
was not much different than today
Growing old won't change your luck
'cause ugly ducklings become ugly ducks.**

And every night with no one there
I play a hand of solitaire,
romancing lovers, names unknown
by breathing heavy into the phone
I murmur vague obscenities
They think I have Tourette's disease
But it could be worse, we'll see
-- at thirty-three.

*Certified Public Accountant - staatlich anerkannter Buchhalter.
**Anspielung auf Andersens "Das häßliche graue Entchen", aus dem später ein schöner Schwan wird - aber eben nur im Märchen.

Hansis Schlagerseiten