Family is the bedrock of civilization. I don’t care what you think about that statement ‘cause after all the messed up kids I’ve seen I know it’s true! Call me old fashioned but I’m a big believer in “mom, pop, kids, grand-mom, grand-dad, auntie, uncle and cuz!” There’s nothing like having extended family around when you’re growing up. There’s no feeling akin to the glow when you know that your Auntie Aggie can be relied upon to calm down your irate mom after a particularly stressful day involving you! And there’s nothing like when your Uncle Tunde shows you how to drive in the empty Kohl’s parking lot next to your house. Granted, we didn’t have blood kin around us growing up, but all the other Ghanaian and Nigerian parents were my Uncles and Aunts. It’s a respect thing. Even now I feel weird addressing elders as Mr/Mrs or even worse—by THEIR FIRST NAME!!! Sheesh!
But even more important than extended family is extended loving AND supportive family! My experience is limited to mostly West African families, but from what I’ve seen and heard, we’ve got a looong way to go. It’s like this—the old ways of teaching children have their merits, but so do the new ways. I’ve been on the receiving end of one too many verbal lashings from a frustrated elder to know that the “old way” of raising children isn’t the best. And that’s something I can’t impress on folks enough. There’s more to child bearing than popping them out, beating them every other week and sternly reprimanding them for anything and everything!
I can’t impress enough on young and old parents that your children look to you for support—emotionally most of all. You are our role models, the standards by which we check ourselves. We love you and we want to do our best, but we can’t do our best when you stifle us with your ideas of who we should be. Please remember that you are our stewards, not our prison gaurds! Everytime you think of hitting your child or giving them the rough edge of your tongue remember that we don’t forget. Every little insult you inflict on us is recorded and every action remembered. You shape us. You form our characters. You guide us. But you must also remember to let us grow and spread our wings—in the shelter of your shadow.
