aarrrggghhh, here we go again. I don't own it, it's not mine, leave me alone!!!!
Warnings: shounin-ai, language, death(maybe), choose-your-own-ending, schizophrenia, sap. severe sap. ^_~
The voices are kind of based on the part with satan in The Messenger: Joan of Arc. Trippy movie, but Dustin Hoffman made a surprisingly convincing devil. -.-
'blah' - thoughts/voices
"blah" - actually speaking
-- blah -- - e-mail ^_^
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Life Without Duo
He was gone. He was gone, and now there was a Duo-shaped hole in his life where the braided pilot had stepped out, tears over-flowing, running into the night with suitcase in hand.
Heero's eyes were dry and empty, but he sat unblinking before his laptop, Duo's present location burning into his retinas, heart thumping unevenly with fear.
'Should've told him.' A voice in his head insisted, shoving through melancholy memories like matchsticks, crumbling to dust the defensive excuses arrayed before his pain.
'It's not true.' Another voice, bitter and cold, answered. 'He left. How could he love you?'
Heero blinked, aware that something was amiss; he glared at the blood dripping from half-moon cuts in his palms, bringing up bloodied fingertips to access Duo's e-mail account. There was no message for him to find.
'See!?!' The second voice howled triumphantly. 'He doesn't want you now. Mission failed, soldier.' The second voice sneered. Heero jerked his head, startled by the well of feelings he wasn't supposed to have.
'You *do* have feelings.' The first voice said.
"Kuso." He muttered, steadying his head against the keyboard. The urge to *see* that braided baka punched a hole in his heart, sparking pain he couldn't ignore.
'It's all in your head. Ignore it!' The second voice insisted, tossing memories his way: Duo interrupting him, Duo shooting him, Duo comforting him. 'He knows to much! He's a threat to the mission!'
'What mission?' Heero demanded. 'The war is over!'
'Over?' The second voice, the cold perfect soldier, laughed. 'The mission is all you have. No mission? All the more reason to self-destruct.'
"Duo." Heero sighed, staring longingly at the screen, empty box waiting for its message. 'I lived for him.'
'But he doesn't want you any more. You drove him away!'
'All he ever wanted was my love. I screwed up so bad.'
'There's still a chance.' The first voice whispered. 'He might forgive you.'
'Duo, I need you . . .'
His fingers pecked hesitantly at the keys, setting down his thought as they came, without censor.
-- Duo, I . . . can't face you now, after what I've done, and been. This is easier. I love you. And I'm sorry. I need you, Duo. I need you so I can change into what you need me to be. -Heero --
He pressed SEND, watching the painfully short message bleed off the screen.
He sat unmoving until the reply came. Hours of unblinking torment passed, during which the two voices battled in his head. His own voice was silent, waiting.
-- Heero, you coward! You love me? Then tell me that yourself, to my face! Or is that too much for the "perfect soldier"? You bastard, Yuy. I don't need you. Not the way you are now. -Duo --
'Go to him!'
'He'll reject you. Mission failed, soldier. It's time to die.'
'Don't give up. Just go talk to him!'
"I can't." Heero gasped, hand going unconsciously to his heart. "He'll turn me away . . . and he should! I'm insane . . ."
'More reason to self-destruct!'
'Go to him! He'll understand!'
"I can't, I can't take it if he . . ."
'If you kill yourself, he will hurt even more. He *needs* you, just like you need him.'
"How could he need me? I hurt him."
'He doesn't need you, no one needs you. Just give up now, Yuy. You've failed.'
'He does! He does need you, he'll die without you.'
'No one cares if you die, Heero. No one cares. You're the perfect soldier; you don't have friends, you have missions. And you screwed this one up and good.'
'The war's over! Life is not a mission and you don't fail! You just keep trying until you die, there isn't any more.'
'You can't live like that, Heero.' Heero found himself nodding, faced with the prospect of a long, empty, purposeless life . . . without Duo. 'That's right. He wouldn't take you back. And he shouldn't. You're dangerous, to him and to peace!'
The words in his mind stopped meaning anything, formless echoes that washed tide-like over his aching heart. He staggered to the kitchen of their- . . . his apartment; he didn't have his gun, not after the disarmament, but they'd left him his kitchen knives. He selected a blade, testing their sharpness against the inside of his wrists.
Bleeding lightly, he went back to the computer, setting the knife on the scarred wooden desk to compose a final message.
-- Duo, I love you. I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you again. I'm sorry. -Ai shiteru, Heero--
Feeling empty, voices silent at last, Heero set the knife to his flesh and carved an effecient path to death.
Miles away, Duo sat frozen before his computer, waiting for a knock at the door but expecting the chime of 'You've got mail!'
He read the message quickly, then again more slowly . . . . and screamed.
continued . . . whichever way you like! choose on of the below, or read both. ^_^