Title: A Hard Four Days' Night

Author: Lorielen ([email protected])

Rating: PG-13, sexual implications

Category: Humour, Character Study, General

Summary: Voldemort goes away on a 4-day-long break and leaves Lucius in charge. When he comes back, early, it's to pay a visit to his Second (and lover)'s therapist...

Disclaimer: don't own, though I really, really should.

AN: this is companion piece to Aimee's Four Days

*Voldie's actions*

 

A Hard Four Days' Night

 

I am thoroughly exhausted. Four days have turned into three and a half because I can't stand it anymore. The break was supposed to be relaxing, a rest to my stretched nerves that were just about to rip up. I thought that some time away from all kinds of demands would soothe me and fill me with strength so that when I returned, I'd be able to take it all without collapsing.

If only I weren't one of those people to whom peace is deadly for it leaves us with nothing but our own thoughts.

Although I never said it to Lucius - oh wait, I did. Well, I surely hadn't meant to, before he... What did I say? Nothing all that big. Just that he was one of the chief causes of my need for some time away. I didn't want to tell him because then we'd fight and it seemed to be all we did in the weeks that came before my trip. I needed time away from him to put things in perspective, because when he is with me it isn't that surprising that I can't think clearly, now is it. He's always been good at getting back at me, distorting my view and opinions. That I care deeply for him has never helped matters any... and, lately, the only time away from him I got was when we argued, and that, understandably, isn't the best of situations to evaluate and analyse things.

So, I came up with the four-day break. I had planned to leave without talking to him, for all the reasons I just said and *narrows eyes* hope you were listening. That didn't work, and the pig managed to instil an insane amount of guilt on be for leaving before he let me go. He makes me hate both him and myself when he does that, and he does it a lot. Not to mention that during the talk I ended up telling him a lot of truths that shouldn't have been said. Things I'd carefully kept for myself because I knew that if he ever learned those things, it'd be disastrous. And it was.

I shouldn't have said that he suffocated me, even though he did. And I definitely shouldn't have told him about the cursing thing, with my anger bottling up where it concerned him and all that.

What..?

Oh, I suppose I shouldn't just hint at things. Right. Basically, I avoid the use of physical violence in our arguments. Because of that, he doesn't take it seriously when I say "no" or get angry. The result is that he insists on the cases, and so we spare verbally until I get tired and frustrated and then there are two options. Usually I swallow my pride and anger and let him have his darned way, whiny bitch that he is. But that only endorses the bitchy facet of him, therefore, when I am really keen on something, I'm forced to curse him into silence. At what he feels downright outraged.

Bloody stressing, if you ask me. And that was only one of the many things that came up in the outburst of stress of my departure.

Shortly, my days were hell. Bothersome to death, since I was in a Muggle monastery in the middle of mountains. All that peace and silence and nature drove me crazy, especially because the food served was vegetarian and - the final step towards maddening the Dark Lord - I wasn't allowed to smoke my cigars.

As if Lucius didn't squeal enough about them at home, I found that they were forbidden in my resting place as well. Truly despairing. Vowed that if I ever were to take vacations again, I'd go to Cuba.

Anyway. In the end, I left early, and not for a honourable reason. It's just that, among the Lucius-stuff I took with me-

Why shouldn't I?? I did refuse to take him with because he was one of the reasons why I was a mental wreck, but that is only because I allow him to. And I do that because I like the bastard. I do, really. Isn't that hard to see. Or rather, it was when I left. I thought that keeping him with me had only been bringing me headaches, and it wasn't until I travelled that I saw just how much I took him for granted. It's truly awful how meditative nothingness can make you, and during my time away I found myself thinking of him more often than not. It's sad and pathetic, but when was I any other thing in regards to relationships? I learned that his presence was preferred to my own...

Un-widen your eyes. Honestly, this bothers me more than anything else. Just because I'm Dark Lord I'm supposed to be all about taking over the world. You of all people shouldn't be surprised since Lucius comes down here every week to weep and whine about our relationship, it mustn't be so hard to put two and two together to make four and deduct that I also care for him.

Though why should I be telling these things to anyone is beyond me. But I was almost getting there when I was carried away in Lucius-musing.

I took some Lucius-related things with me and among them was one of those small things that lead to arguments of epic proportions: a card of his latest therapist.

You, idiot.

I was positively indignant when he first told me that he did therapy, even more because he threw in my face that I was the main responsible.

By the look in your face, you must have an idea of how bad I was feeling to have ended up being led by that card and desperation to come here of all places. And talk to YOU of all people, you whose slow, painful and morose death I had planned.

Of course your graceful willingness to admit that Lucius had been here recently and show me the tapes of his sessions have diminished considerably my murderous tendencies towards your person, doctor. You're so deliciously corruptible at the mere threat of a torment that I figure your services will be useful. And now I also know why is it that Lucius comes here. You listen and you don't reply and it shows that you're paying attention and making an effort to help out. Which is the opposite of what him and I get from each other. And I must say that it is good to spill out my worries without fearing that the hearing part will feel insulted or, far worse, think that he's a burden and should leave. Those two things happen constantly and tire me out.

And the prick complains that I don't talk to him, can you believe it.

For instance, it's far better that I break half of the things in your shelves, including the wooden-carved head of the Muggle with issues with childhood and sex-life, than if he was the first one to get the end of my anger and my wand at hearing that he HAS PASTELS IN MY PEOPLE'S OUTFITS!! How fucking dare he!!!!! We're sombre and dangerous and scary and that is our charm, to be darkly alluring! PASTELS, for Salazar's sake!

Huh? No, I wasn't aiming at your head, doctor. Purely accidental, I assure you.

I'm not sure if he sees this, but I know I'm hard to live with and I do make an effort towards a peaceful homelife. And now it sounds like we're bloody married, doesn't it?

Piece of advice, doctor: no matter how many times I admit my idiocy before you, don't you dare agree.

Ah, well. As I was saying, I do try hard and I don't feel that reciprocated. I mean, I know that one of the things that united us was our mutual love for verbal slapping as well as the joys of a worthy opponent, but hey, that doesn't have to mean that either we'll be bickering or shagging. Doesn't work like that. I'm a person with a lot to deal with and great pressure from all sides, and one of the last things I need is to be fussed over when I finally retreat to my bedroom. He said I complain when he doesn't ask? Well, that's obvious. He'd ask if he cared.

Yes, he showers me with attention. That's what the whole suffocated thing was all about. I'm drenched in Lucius' attention, it's just that-

No, I don't want your professional opinion. You're paid to listen, right? When I want an opinion I call Lucius.

You fool, you made me forget totally what I had been on about. I don't like to be interrupted, I'll have you know. And I don't warn twice.

*listens to some more of the tape* I'll have to remember to tell Lucius that he is a goddamned pretty little blond, and currently the only one I'm bedding. *sighs* He's always on about this with me, when it's him that people look at whenever he steps into a room!! If he weren't so bloody narcissistic I'd say he has no idea of how attractive he is. As he obviously does, I'm left to wonder just why in hell he thinks it's me people jump at.

Oh. Something just sunk in. Given that most people know he's with me and therefore off-limits, that must reduce considerably the flirting he gets. Well... all the same, no reason to pester me with it. Even more because what people usually want from me doesn't concern my person but what I stand for and the power I withhold, so I'm not approached for people seeking the same type of thing they seek from Lucius. But do I ever get a chance to tell him this? No. He won't let me talk.

*listens to some more* Listening to Lucius ramble about the lack of service on his "work" at the Ministry should have pissed me off, were I sane and to take seriously the remarks about how easy it is to be me. It turns out I'm bemused. Just not about the me-in-Quirrel's-body sex attempt thing. That was one of the most embarrassing and awkward situations I've ever been into. First thing, Quirrel is a homophobic. I was attached to his head so, when I ran into Lucius and we got on terms, it was more than a little odd. To put it mildly, Quirrell was positively disgusted and terrified at the idea of being given a blow job by a man. I can't tell which was worse: if it was his reluctance, his disgust, - damnit, how can anyone be disgusted at Lucius?! - my mind screaming at me because I was allowing Lucius to suck another person right in front of me.

Yes, I could feel it. That was the point of the whole thing. What, think I'd get off simply by watching my lover's mouth give pleasure to Quirrell? Please.

But maybe the worst of all was when the prick started to enjoy it. Then it got awfully weird and I was forced to back off. It was ok as long as it would be a torment to my host, but I so not wanted to be there with the knowledge that it was my Lucius on his knees and working his skilled tongue around another man and giving HIM pleasure!!!

Possessive, moi? *smirks*

Don't look at me like that. I'm not the only one troubled in this relationship. Look at him! He claims he loves me and misses me and all that, yet he keeps referring to me as The Bastard.

Hmm. I hope he doesn't do that around the other Death Eaters. Nah, he knows better. *ponders* He better do.

*listens, shakes head in self-pity* This is Lucius. I go out, seeking peace and strength, and he wants me to bring him souvenirs. I suppose I could have. *pauses* I suppose I should have. I suppose I've been a selfish bitch throughout all this, and kept thinking about myself and whining. Just as I'm doing now. And I hate this. I hate listening to him because he always manages to prove me wrong.

I know that's what he does best, doctor. I know I taught him much of it. *is becoming depressive, barely listens when some more of the tape is played. Smiles faintly*

Ah, a soirée. A Revel. Such fun. Drinking and sloshing ourselves. Why don't they do this when I'm here? Why must they wait until I snap and have to leave to do all the fine stuff? Even at the time the Dwarves came by for dinner. I was thoroughly exhausted that one time and didn't get to share a pint with the little things. One with each of them, as is my habit.

Damn it. Will have a welcome party for myself as soon as I get home.

*listens again, face falls* See what I meant. I... *sighs* I think I wouldn't have minded too much being summoned back home to impale his prostrate with my claws. And I hate how he always has a reasoning and it's so hard not to agree with him. If he can accept some changes in me because of my absence, so I should be able to cope with his increased need of me.

Why oh why did I ever think that taking that damned break would do me good. How could I think that time away from him would be good for any other thing than making me suffer.

Maybe it was for the best. Maybe we both value each other more now that we've spent some time without the other to bitch at. Maybe we're both feeling less like fighting and more like getting laid.

I know I am.

*tape comes back* CHOCOLATE COOKIES AND LEMONADE!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE HIM!!!

Uh? Sorry, doctor. Didn't mean to. *lets go of the man's shoulders* What about the Cause, the Dark Lord's charisma, the people unsatisfied with Dumbledore.... fuck, lemonade... It'd be better if they joined for my arse than cookies.

There was this one time I ran a survey to know why my followers had joined me. You wouldn't believe what I came across.

"Everyone was doing it, so I did it too."

"Dumbledore made me flunk third year and I wanted to retaliate."

It's sad when you set out to do something and give your best for it and in the end people come for free food.

Don't pat me in the back. I don't want your sympathy. I'm Dark Lord. I need no-one's sympathy.

He recruited Snape again. How could he ever... Let me share something, doctor. This Severus' betrayal thing was never easy for me. He was one Death Eater I genuinely liked and I consider it my biggest failure that he left me. No, that's worse than the Potter-killing-me thing. That was an accident. Severus' departure was something thought over and that had its reasons.

I would, of course, punish him harshly should he ever try to come back. But I'd feel a whole lot better knowing that he wished to come back, that he didn't look at his years with me as the worst time in his life or something of the like.

Yes, I know, so much for cruel and insensitive Dark Lord. These people are my choice family, doctor. It's not something I expect anyone to understand.

*listens to some more* I wonder how will I face him now. He was SO not meant to ever find out about Nagini's tricks. Don't want him to think that I resort to being sucked off by excessively large snakes in his absence. Jealousy is an important component in a healthy relationship, it shows desire and affection and-

Yes, I was complaining about it not two minutes ago. So what?

And of course I do, how else would she know such things. Would you consider sleeping with another after you had had Lucius?

Wait, don't agree. I need you alive until the end of the session.

Well, I suppose our bed will suffer a reptile addition at times from now on. I just hope he never asks how exactly did I teach Nagini to offer a quality blow job.

Why are your eyes glinting like that? If I'm not telling Lucius, I'm certainly not confiding to YOU. Remove the mischievous smile.

*sighs*

I'm a Parselmouth, Dr. Dirty Mind. All it took were precise instructions and descriptions while she was experimenting. No, fingers first, I'm not stupid. Though Nagini knows better than to use her fangs with me, and it most sublimely talented with her tongue. My guess is that she was a little suspicious about Lucius, because she didn't give him the complete package.

And "what exactly would that include" is a damn euphemism for get dirtier, doctor. But I shall enlighten your obviously devoid of sex life excuse for an existence. Being quite crude, the tail of my favourite snake holds a strong resemblance, at least in the tactile field, to the member of a particularly well-endowed mate. Not that I make use of that all too often, since I'm owner of a singular tendency to bleed profusely when penet-

I honestly can't believe you've got a hard on! You are listening to a man talk about sex with a snake! Merlin, you are sick. It becomes more and more clear to me why Lucius sought you out.

At least do have the decency to hide the bulge between your legs, if you wish that it is kept there. So hard to find good employees these days.

*more of the tape, something sinks in. He rewinds it, to hear*

" And if we succeed, the Dark Lord won't have to complain about how cruddy one of his pets accidentally being squished by a log truck."

Edward!! *mopes, sobs* No, I don't want a tissue. *sobs some more, face buried in his hands*

I can see you inching towards the door, doctor.

Ahem. *controlled again* Poor thing. How could Lucius let him get away? There must have been something wrong; none of my pets has ever tried to leave the Castle grounds...

At least, it was given a proper funeral. I'll have to go over to Lucius' Manor and pay a visit to its grave. *sniffs* Poor Edward. He was one of the youngest. Son to a cousin of Nagini's.

I'm raising hell when I see Lucius again. Changed the colours of my people's outfits. Destroyed my belief that people joined me for me and/or the Cause. And let one of my snakes get killed!!

I hope he was smart enough to lock the Weasley girl down in the dungeons, otherwise he'll be the only target of my anger. Aside, of course, your office doctor.

No, that wasn't a hidden apology. I'm not sorry for trashing this place. I should be cutting your throat by now. Lucius has more confidence in you than he has in me. Not only that, but he comes around and you don't do anything to better his state! For Salazar's sake, you've talked to the man, you know how sad he is, you get bloody paid! You should be aiding him!

No, that doesn't fall to me. I don't get paid.

*listens to Edward's funeral, manages to snort* Those men are such fun, you wouldn't believe it. And leave it to Lucius to make Snape play priest. I guess he does play the type after all, if you ignore his permanent scowl and bitter attitude towards life, plus his slaughtering urges towards children and, frankly, most people in general. But it makes me glad to know that he did show up to Ed's funeral, and made a decent speech. Or something resembling it.

See? See? I just knew it. They don't miss a chance to get at him, all it takes is that I'm not a present threat for them to be all over him! And he lets them, the bitch. *bristles* I don't even want to think about what went on during my years of lacking a body.

Aw. Heads. *smiling delightfully* Isn't he something, doctor? What was I thinking when I left? It's so sweet that makes me feel even more guilty for not bringing him anything from the monastery, save for a headache and a sexual appetite that will be the end of us both as soon as I set foot home. And I even want to contribute to this decoration idea. Pity I didn't chop any monk's head off while I was there.

Don't look so terrified, doctor. Be good and smile; everyone must look happy that I'm home again. Including the heads hanging around the place.

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